“Oh look, you found her.” Jacob finished climbing the trail and stood in front of us. His eyes latched on to where my hands were still covering hers. “I’m sure you were just about to call and let me know.” He forced a smile, but it didn’t disguise the anger I saw burning in his eyes.
When Jacob’s eyes stayed locked on our hands, Cora slid hers out from mine and folded it into her lap. She put on a convincing face, like we were innocent of whatever Jacob was silently accusing us of being guilty of.
“Cora, can we talk now?” He moved closer, holding his hand out for her. “I’m sobered up—planning on staying that way. I’m ready. If you are.”
She didn’t take his hand. She stayed seated across from me. “Um, I don’t know. Matt and I were talking.”
Her eyes met mine again like she was waiting for me to say or do something. I wasn’t sure what. Did she want me to blurt out what I’d been about to tell her before Jacob showed up? Did she want me to throw her over my shoulder and run away? Did she want me to throw myself into the ocean and make it easier on all three of us?
“I’m sure whatever Matt has to say to you can wait.” Jacob lifted his chin at me, but he couldn’t look at me. “Can’t it, brother?”
It had only been waiting years to be said. “Yeah. It can.”
I cleared my throat as I rose to my feet, not realizing I’d held out my hand to help her up until she’d taken it. Beside us, Jacob’s jaw twitched, his hand falling back at his side.
Cora hadn’t intentionally taken my hand over his—I could tell by the flash of regret on her face. It had come from a place of instinct. When she had a choice between whose hand to grab, she’d chosen mine.
“So we’ll talk later?” she asked me as they started down the trail.
Jacob interjected. “If you two have anything to talk about after we’re done working things out, baby.” His comment was as much a threat for me as it was a promise to her.
I watched her walk away with him, but this time, she was watching me as she left. “We will.”
He’d been about to say it. Or something close to it. I knew it.
Or at least I thought I knew it.
The way he’d been looking at me, the way he’d been fighting with his words, I thought Matt had been about to tell me something I’d waited years to hear from him. I mean, sure, he’d said them to me that first night on the island, but he’d been playing Jacob at the time, and I knew that had been the only reason he’d said them. He’d been saying them as Jacob, not as Matt.
Little did Matt know Jacob had never said those three words to me with half as much meaning as Matt had while faking them and pretending to be someone else.
Of course that would be the time Jacob would show up and essentially ruin the moment. He’d done that a lot, especially early on, when I’d first moved into the house with my mom. Whenever Matt and I would go play foosball together, or whenever we’d decide to watch a movie, or whatever the two of us had tried to do alone, Jacob always seemed to intervene.
I hadn’t thought much of it as a kid, assuming that as twins, the two of them were inseparable and where one was, the other wanted to be. It wasn’t that though. It was because Jacob had thought from the very beginning that he had some claim to me, just as I was finally starting to realize he still thought he did. Although the claim had matured into ownership.
He was the one who’d asked me to marry him, and I was the one who’d agreed. But that didn’t equate to ownership. At least, I hoped that wasn’t how marriage worked. It wasn’t like I’d had many shining examples of marriage in my own life.
I didn’t want to be owned. I didn’t want to be someone’s possession they could take off the shelf and put back whenever they wanted.
It was odd how one day could change a person’s whole perspective on their life; I felt like I’d just awoken from some dream I’d been living for years.
“Please, baby, don’t run off like that again. I was worried about you.” Jacob was still leading the way down the trail I’d taken to get out here, but I could tell he was waiting for me to take his hand as I had hundreds of times before.
Not this time.
It was exhausting to be the only one who reached for the other when it didn’t have to do with sex. Taxing to be the one who gave and gave until they felt run dry.
“I needed to think,” was all I said.
“About what?” When Jacob glanced back at my face, he sighed. “Never mind. Dumb question.”
He kept moving, checking over his shoulder every few steps to make sure I was there. It was like he was afraid I was going to run away or disappear again. I wasn’t used to Jacob being so attentive and, well, acting like he gave a shit.
“Did you have enough time to get everything worked out?” he asked as the trail opened up to the beach.
My eyes stayed forward, his locked on me. “No. It’s difficult to work things out when I don’t have your side of the story as to what happened the day of the wedding.”
Jacob’s jaw moved, like it had locked up and he had to work it loose. “Well, that’s what I thought we’d spend today getting out in the open. The wedding day.” He sniffed, his eyes flashing. “The wedding night.” He rolled his neck a few times. “And everything after. We’ve both got some explaining to do.”
I nodded as we headed down the beach, keeping a step behind him. The wind was stronger out here, the storm clouds more daunting. I couldn’t understand why no one besides us was on the beach though. It was beautiful. Everyone came to the beach for the blue sky and calm water, but the scene right now was just as, if not more, beautiful. A person just had to look a little closer to find the beauty in the midst of the storm.
“I booked the two of us a day at the hotel’s spa. I thought it would be the perfect way to talk and figure things out between us.” Jacob checked his watch. “I found you just in time. I made our appointment for ten.”
I wanted to remind him that he hadn’t found me—Matt had. But I knew that wouldn’t be helpful to any of us.
“No, not the spa.” My voice sounded strong, which made me feel even stronger.
Jacob’s head turned toward me. “You love the spa. It’s the perfect kind of day to spend at the spa.”
“No, you love the spa. And I loved you and part of that was going and doing the things you loved.” I couldn’t believe I had finally said that. Words I’d practiced in my head but had never had the courage to bring to life.
“What do you mean? Of course you love the spa. We go all the time.”
From the look on his face, he was truly surprised. He hadn’t had a clue, and that shouldn’t have come as a surprise. Jacob had always been so focused on himself and his wants, there wasn’t much left over to notice anyone else’s wants.
“No, I don’t like having strangers touch me. I don’t like the music or the smells or walking around in big bathrobes all day with other people.” I started to walk faster, getting ahead of him as the hotel came into view. “I’m not having this conversation with you at a spa. Thank you for trying, but no, I’m not in the mood to get into an argument in front of a bunch of strange people in what’s supposed to be a serene place.”