I needed to get out of there. Immediately. The one (or two) problems with that was I was currently dressed in a sheet and my purse with those handy things known as identification and credit cards were back in the cabin. Where the wrong twin I’d married was.
So basically, I was screwed. I’d just have to spend the rest of my life here, because there was no way I was going back into that cabin and confronting him. Mainly because I was too worried about what would happen when Matt and I were alone again. Now that I knew what we were capable of, what he was capable of . . . I didn’t trust myself. It was like telling someone who’d been sober off heroin for two weeks to step inside a house full of heroin free for the taking. I knew my limits, and Matt was a hard, hard one.
I couldn’t be alone with him again, because now, I couldn’t claim ignorance. I knew who he was, and if I fell into bed with him again, I wouldn’t be able to claim lack of knowledge as the culprit.
So I just sat there, arms wound around my legs, forehead tapping my knees, feeling completely and utterly lost.
That was when I heard someone crunching through the tall grass behind me. Instead of jolting with surprise, I clamped my eyes closed tightly and hunkered down a little more. I knew who it was. I knew of only one person who seemed to have a sixth sense for finding me.
“Cora.”
The way he said it, almost sighing my name, made it seem like he was relieved he’d found me. Like he’d doubted he ever would.
“Go away, Matt,” I gritted into the folds of the sheet. “Go away and stay away.”
He was quiet for a moment, only the sounds of his footsteps moving closer. “I’m not going anywhere.” His voice was firm, final sounding, like no matter what I said or did, he was going to say what he wanted to. “Not until you hear why I did it. Not until you know how I feel.”
I didn’t want to know how he felt. I didn’t want to know why he’d done it. That was what I kept telling myself, although I couldn’t convince myself of it. “Last night . . . I’d been drinking. You’d been drinking. We were both—”
“Let’s make one thing clear right now,” Matt interrupted. “You were not some drunken fuck last night. Not even close, so don’t try to play it off like I was just another guy swimming in alcohol and looking to score.” He paused like he was hoping that would get good and deep inside my brain. “I can’t speak for you and how you were last night, but I was fully in control of my body and mind when I took you. Each and every time.”
My heart picked up from hearing his words, thinking of what he was referring to. “Yeah, well, I was good and drunk. I don’t remember a thing from last night.” The lie sounded convincing enough to my ears—hopefully it would to Matt’s as well. “All I remember is waking up today and finding your wallet when I was expecting to find Jacob’s. The rest is a black hole of nothing.”
He was quiet after that. So quiet I glanced back to see if he was still there.
“You don’t remember anything?”
I huffed as if that was the most obvious thing. “Nothing.”
Another stretch of silence. “You don’t remember anything? Really? Not even the last time when you woke me up by—”
“No!” I interrupted, definitely not remembering that last time. Or at least definitely not wanting him to think I remembered it. “But I think it’s safe to say I can figure out what happened, thanks to us both being naked when I woke up.” I squeezed my eyes shut again when I remembered the last thing he’d said to me before I’d fallen asleep tucked against his body. “I don’t remember, and if you’ll just keep your mouth shut, I won’t have to know just how . . . or how much . . . or any of the details associated with last night’s mistake. I’ve got enough to deal with right now without having all of the gory details filled in for me.”
Behind me, I heard him repeat the word I’d just fired at him. Mistake.
A mistake. That was what this was. It had to be.
“Why did you do it?” My fingers ran through my hair as I tried to take as logical an approach to this as one could. “What in the hell happened yesterday?”
Even before I finished asking, part of me already had the answer. Part of me already knew exactly what had happened yesterday to make Matt wind up standing across from me on my wedding day. Exactly what had been happening for years, what people had tried to tell me but what I hadn’t wanted to believe. Jacob had always been a flirt, but I’d never wanted to believe it went beyond the lingering stares or suggestive smiles.
“Yesterday, before the wedding, I couldn’t find Jacob.” It was clear he was choosing his words carefully. I wasn’t focusing on what he was saying so much as what he wasn’t saying. “I figured something must have come up and I figured he’d show up soon, so instead of calling off the whole wedding because he’d been held up in traffic and forgotten to charge his phone, or whatever the hell happened, I just figured I’d step in temporarily.”
My head was throbbing. There was an ache between my legs too, but God, I didn’t want to focus on that or what I’d been doing, repeatedly, to cause it. “You’d just step in when I was supposed to be promising forever to the man I was marrying?”
“Looking back, I know I made the wrong choice,” he said, exhaling. “But in the moment, when that church was packed full of people and they were expecting to find a groom waiting for you at that altar in five minutes, that was the best idea I was capable of coming up with.”
His voice sounded clearer, which meant he was standing closer. I could feel his closeness. In a way, I’d always been able to tell when Matt was near, but I supposed after last night, I was aware of his nearness for another reason.
“But you didn’t just ‘stand in’ for Jacob at the ceremony.” The light breeze shifted into something stronger, pulling at the folds of my sheet.
I heard Matt move closer. “I know. That’s how I planned it, but when Jacob didn’t show up and I couldn’t get ahold of him, I didn’t know what to do. I wasn’t sure when to tell you, or even what to tell you, so I waited. I figured by the time the reception was done, Jacob would have shown up. But when he didn’t, when I found out . . . I didn’t want to see you hurt. I knew Jacob wouldn’t want to see you hurt. I just wanted to protect you from any more heartache.”
“And your idea of protecting me from pain was having me marry the wrong guy then go on my honeymoon with me and fuck me?” I had to pause long enough to take a breath. “That’s your definition of protecting me?”
His sigh didn’t seem to end. “My best intentions went a little—a lot—off course. I didn’t stroll up to that altar yesterday thinking or hoping last night would unfold the way it did.”
Every time either one of us mentioned anything about last night, my mind went there. As a result, my body reacted to the memories. Like right now, I could feel my nipples hardening as I remembered the way he’d moved inside me, the way he’d demanded I look into his eyes each time he made me come.