“A storm as in a hurricane?” I asked, my gaze shifting out the open door. The skies were blue, and other than the gentle breeze playing with the palm leaves, that was all the wind to be found.
“It hasn’t been classified a hurricane yet. It has only just started to form and it could change directions. Or die out completely before it hits land, so please don’t let it worry you too much. The hotel wanted our guests to be aware, but we’ll keep everyone up to date.” The server managed a contrived smile as he backed out of the room after arranging two breakfasts at two empty chairs. “Just relax and enjoy your honeymoon, Mr. Adams.”
I almost laughed at that. Relaxing was not in the plans for me any time soon. “Thanks for letting me know. Now if you’ll excuse me . . .” I put aside all worries about some possible hurricane forming out on the ocean this island was smack in the middle of. That storm paled in comparison to the one I was already immersed in.
“Everything okay?” The server asked as he followed me through the door, glancing at the spot where Cora had disappeared into the palms.
“Not exactly. She just found out she married the wrong guy.” Literally. I slid out a twenty to give him. “If you see a pretty girl in a white sheet . . .”
“I know who might be interested in her whereabouts.” The server took the tip then jogged down the stairs and headed in one direction while I went the other.
Cora was fast, but she was barefoot and wearing a bulky sheet. She couldn’t have gotten far, I told myself, even though I knew better. I wouldn’t put it past her to go slide into a packed mass of people if she thought it would keep me from finding her. She could be anywhere, and she had a few minute lead on me.
Part of me wanted to rush to the airport to cut her off, because I knew that would be her eventual destination. She’d want out of here via the first flight she could find. But I didn’t want to have this conversation in an airport, where security would probably intervene before she got her second punch thrown. Cora had one hell of a right hook. I’d never been on the receiving end, but I’d watched Patrick Henry get knocked unconscious the Monday after Winter Formal, freshmen year. I’d been looking for him after I heard the rumors he’d spread about just how much Cora had put out that night. Cora beat me to him though, and I guessed she had more right than I did to take Patrick Henry down after what he’d said. But that hadn’t stopped me from sweeping his feet out beneath him the next day as we passed in the hallway, half of his face swollen from Cora’s fist.
I wanted her to hit me. I hoped she would. I might not have been Patrick Henry, but fuck, what I’d done put me way beneath him.
I tried to change my thoughts. They weren’t helping, and I had the rest of my life to make myself feel like shit. I needed a clear head right now to find her and explain why I’d done it. I needed all my mental faculties firing on all engines when and if I found her. I wasn’t expecting her to understand why I’d done it, but I needed her to know exactly why I had. It wasn’t forgiveness I was looking for; it was something else.
But for right now, I just needed to find her.
Matt. I’d married Matt. Oh my god, I was his wife and we’d spent all night consummating that union.
My forehead banged against my bent knees as the reminder tore through my mind. What in the hell had happened? How had I not known? Where was Jacob? What did this mean? Was our marriage binding even though I thought I’d been marrying someone else? Would Jacob ever forgive me once he found out?
A sob constricted my throat as I realized that because of this, I’d lose both of them. I’d lose the two people I loved most in the world in the same day because of what had happened. I already knew Jacob wouldn’t forgive me. He’d accuse me of secretly knowing and bring up his long-standing suspicions of me always having some draw toward his twin. He wouldn’t forgive me, and I couldn’t expect him to, because I should have known. The man I’d spent the past twenty-four hours with was not the same one I’d spent the past decade with. He’d been a different man. Because he’d actually been a different one.
God, it was so damn obvious. The way he’d looked at me, the out-of-character gestures, the streak of sensitivity, the way he’d fucked me . . .
I banged my forehead harder against my knees when images from last night replayed in my head. How messed up was it that the best sex I’d ever had with who I thought was Jacob had been instead with Matt? How dumb was I to have not figured it out when instead of focusing on his own pleasure, mine had been the priority last night? I couldn’t think of one instance when Jacob had waited for me to come before he had his. He usually collapsed over me and was half-asleep by the time I gave up on the idea or slid my hand between our bodies to take care of myself.
Jacob would never forgive me.
And I would never forgive Matt.
I’d lost them both. Just like I’d always feared. Just like I’d always somehow known I would, because what right did some girl from a single mom who worked as hired help have to think she had some claim to two men like Matt and Jacob Adams?
The dream had been a fantasy all along, just like I’d always known, and I’d finally been woken up.
I wasn’t sure how much longer I could linger here, planted on this isolated perch overlooking the big ocean, still wound in the sheet I’d spent all night moving under with Matt’s body.
Matt.
My eyes swam with tears all over again. I tried to strangle the feelings that came with those thoughts of him. I’d made my choice years ago. I’d waited for him, but I couldn’t wait forever, especially not when I knew how Jacob felt about me and that his attention would only last so long. I’d rather have one, even if it wasn’t the one I wanted most, than neither. I’d picked Jacob, and these feelings I’d harbored this whole time for Matt weren’t fair to any of us.
If there was some way to rid myself of them, I would have, but I’d tried everything and come up short. It didn’t matter how many times I reminded myself it wasn’t Matt I wanted, I still found myself imagining him when Jacob’s body crawled over mine in bed. It didn’t matter how many ways I tried to avoid Matt, he was always there, reminders of him in every facet of my life. It didn’t matter how many times I reminded myself he didn’t want me, I still dreamed visions of him whispering those very words into my ear as his hands roamed the bends and planes of my body.
To hell with never being able to forgive Matt—I’d never be able to forgive myself.
Okay, okay, enough. No more emotions and tears. Think.