Mister O

“I just love you, too,” I say as I yank her closer, and the woman I treasure falls apart with me as we come together again.

We stay in bed for a little while, talking and touching, until my phone rings. It’s Serena, and she’s home from the hospital. A little later, we stop by to visit her and Jared and give them the baby gifts for their son. They named him Logan. Then Harper and I go to Peace of Cake to celebrate being together.

It’s a date. It’s definitely a date.

Wait. It’s so much more. It’s the start of a new storyline for us. The story of this great love of my life.





Epilogue





Several Months Later



They wobble. They sway. Then, with a resounding clatter, all ten bowling pins fall. Harper thrusts her arms high and struts over to me.

“Strike!”

I high-five her, even though she’s walloping me.

“Say it,” she says playfully, as she loops her arm around my neck.

“You kick my ass in bowling every single time,” I say, repeating the truth of our life together. I’ve only beaten her once, in our very first rematch after the night she went sexy librarian on me. Every time since then, she’s destroyed me, and I swear it has nothing to do with how absolutely distracted I get checking out her ass as she takes her turn in the lane. Nope, she’s just really good, and she’s about to clobber me for the tenth match in a row.

“And do I get a special present, like you promised, for beating you for the tenth time?”

I nod. I’ve been giving her gifts after each win. A new magic wand. Yes, that kind. A lingerie set. A satin bow for her hair that happens to have other uses too. “If you win you’ll get a gift.”

“And do I ever have to throw a game again?” she says, her eyes glinting.

“Never,” I say, like it has ten syllables.

She gives me a quick kiss. “Never ever.”

That’s because I don’t work for Gino anymore. My show’s not on Comedy Nation. The deal didn’t happen overnight, but a week after I turned down the Comedy Nation offer, I landed a new one. The show’s new home is on the broadcast network Serena’s husband works for—RBC.

I’m not saying helping his pregnant wife to the hospital got me the gig. Not at all. But it sure didn’t hurt when Tyler needed to land a quick meeting with a new network. Jared greased the wheels, and Tyler did the deal, moving The Adventures of Mister Orgasm to the ten o’clock hour on RBC, where it’s killing it in the ratings every week. Funny thing is the head of RBC doesn’t play games, doesn’t toy with me, and doesn’t care if I beat him at golf, softball, bowling or anything else. What he does care about is that I deliver the best show possible, so that’s what I do every week.

Well, technically I deliver two shows. RBC owns the cable network LGO, and LGO is now the proud home to the new five-minute cartoon short—Naughty Puppet Theater Presents Dirty Girl Mechanic.

It’s early days, but viewers seem to like it, and there’s talk of turning that show into a full-length weekly comedy. Seems I’m not the only one who likes a hot mechanic.

But the one in my arms is all mine.

And I want to make sure it stays that way.

That’s why when the match is over, and she wins fair and square, I let her enjoy her victory dance for a few seconds until she spins around and finds me on one knee in the bowling alley.

She stops, freezes, and brings her hand to her mouth.

Once upon a time, I wasn’t sure how to share my feelings, but now the words come out with ease, and I mean them with my entire heart. “Harper, I love you like crazy, and I want you to be the one I share detergent with, and bowling matches, and ice cream and cake, and dirty text messages, and showers, and love, and happiness, and inspiration, and all our days and nights. Will you marry me?”

She falls to her knees and throws her arms around me, knocking me onto my back on the floor of the bowling alley. “Yes, yes, yes, yes,” she repeats over and over, lying on top of me, and this couldn’t be a more perfect response to a proposal.

When she loosens her hold on me and we sit up, I slide a gorgeous, platinum, princess-cut ring on her finger as tears streak down her cheeks.

“I love you so much, I’d even take your last name, Nick Hammer,” she says in between dabbing her eyes.

“I love you so much, I’d never ask you to do something that horrible, Harper Holiday.”

I don’t care if she takes my name, because I have everything I thought I’d once lost. I have the girl.





Another Epilogue


Ask me my three favorite things and the answers are so easy they roll off my tongue: kissing Harper, fucking Harper, and loving Harper.

Not gonna lie. That last one is my favorite, by a margin of forever. She’s not just my best friend’s little sister. She’s not just the coolest person I know. And she’s not just the inspiration for my newest show.