Mister O

“You’re not pissed?”


He levels me with his gaze. “Dude, I fell in love with my best friend and business partner. I get it. Love just fucking happens and clobbers you out of the blue. And you—you fell for my sister. I can’t fault you for that. I can’t be mad at you for having good taste. Besides, you’re suffering enough being in love without me being an ass.”

I laugh once. “Love is a bitch.”

“Don’t I know how rough it can be. Which is why it’s a damn good thing I can return these at Duane Reade.” His expression turns more serious. “But listen, I need to say something. You know why I was a dick before about not wanting you to be with Harper?”

“’Cause you think I’m not good enough for her?”

“Fuck no,” he scoffs. “You’re probably the only guy who actually deserves my sister, and my sister is awesome.”

I manage a small smile. “I know. She really is.”

“I told you all that because if you break her heart,” he says sharply, pointing a finger at me, “then I’d lose you as a friend. And I need you, Nick. But I’d still have to kill you for hurting her.”

“That’s kind of the nicest thing you’ve ever said to me. In a weird way.”

“I know.”

“But Spencer? I don’t want to hurt Harper.” I look him in the eyes so he knows I’m as serious as he was. “And I don’t want to break her heart. I just want to love her. And you can totally mock me for saying that. But it’s true.”

He pushes back on the stool, stands up, and claps me on the back. “All right. I didn’t want it to have to get to this, but clearly we need to call for reinforcements.”

“Who’s that?”

He shoots me a look, as if the answer is obvious. “Charlotte. You think I can figure out how to get her back? I’m lucky I convinced Charlotte to marry me. You need the big guns for this one.”



Fido stares at me like he knows all my secrets while Charlotte listens to the tale of my unrequited love from her perch on the couch.

“Let me get this straight,” Charlotte says on a yawn. She’s jet-lagged from their trip but willing to tackle my pathetic excuse of a love life. Spencer is next to her. “She encouraged you to pursue the most amazing career opportunity you’ve ever had?”

“Yes.”

“And she is well aware that your show is the thing you love most.” Charlotte stares at me.

“It is?”

“Duh. Everyone knows that.”

“They do?”

Her eyebrow rises. “Nick, it’s not a bad thing. It’s a true thing. You love your work, you love cartooning, and you love The Adventures of Mister Orgasm. I’m sure Harper knows how much you love the show.”

“I guess.” I flash back to our post-mortem after Harper’s pseudo-date with Jason, when she asked what I was most afraid of. My answer? That it will all fall to pieces. The job, the show, the success. Then, after we took Serena to the hospital, and she asked me about kids down the road. My reply underscored once more that the show is my true love. I’ve been pretty focused on work, and my job, and the show. That’s what my life has been since I graduated college, and I love it.

Which means . . . ding, ding, ding . . . Harper Holiday has every reason to believe I’d do anything for work. I’d go anywhere for my show. She has no reason to think anything else.

Charlotte confirms this with her next assessment. “She knows that your job—understandably—has been the center of your universe for all of your twenties.”

I nod again, and Fido takes the opportunity to stretch across Charlotte’s lap and flop to his back, offering her his belly for petting. He is such a manwhore.

“But,” I say, shaking my finger as I trot out more evidence, “I told her I loved her and she said ‘I can’t tell you not to go to L.A.’ She didn’t say she loved me.”

Charlotte waves off my concern. “That’s not the issue. She’s trying to show you she supports you. She doesn’t want you to make the decision based on her.”

“How would I be doing that?”

“By blurting out that you love her in the same breath as you tell her that you’re moving to L.A,” Charlotte says calmly as she pets Fido.

“And that means I’m making her make the decision?”

“Yes, and she cares about you, so she wants you to be free to make the right decision for you,” she says, pointing at me.

I narrow my eyes. “How do you know that she cares about me?”

“When you told her about this new opportunity, she urged you to take it. Yet somehow you think that means she doesn’t care about you? Am I understanding correctly?”

Spencer smiles widely and drapes an arm around her. “My wife is brilliant, isn’t she?” Then to her, “So can you tell us what this all means?”

Charlotte rolls her eyes. “You two are such ding-dongs. And I love you both. In different ways, of course.”

“Better be different ways,” Spencer says with a huff.