Dixie’s eyes widen and gaze into mine. “It wasn’t locked, Gavin. I could never lock you out.”
Something about this, maybe because of my mom or my childhood, or whatever, it breaks whatever has been holding me together.
Dixie rushes into my arms and I hold her until I can’t stand. I rock her gently on the floor and we whisper comforting words back and forth. This is what Dixie is for me—what she always has been. Loving her isn’t trading one addiction for another—it’s finding peace and reassurance in a world of chaos.
Once she’s fallen completely asleep in my arms, I place her gently back in her bed, careful not to wake her.
My Bluebird deserves to fly and be free.
She deserves to belong to herself and not to me.
Now that she knows the truth, maybe she will.
“Gav, it’s me. Dallas. I don’t know what’s going on with you and my sister at the moment, but I need to know something and we need to rehearse if we’re going to do this thing.”
Delete.
“Hey, man. It’s me again. Look, neither one of you are returning calls or messages and I’m starting to get worried. If I worry, Robyn worries. Which puts our child’s health at risk. And Robyn’s health. Anything happens to either of them, I’m going to be pissed. Call me.”
Delete.
“Garrison I don’t know what in the ever-loving fuck has gotten into you or why you and my sister have gone off the grid, but if one of you doesn’t call me in the next twenty-four hours, I’m driving down there and kicking some ass.”
I have no doubt he will drive to Amarillo from Dallas to do just that.
Delete.
“Hey. Robyn talked to Dixie and I don’t know what happened but she said it was bad and that she was upset. She won’t talk about it. That means you’re going to. Be there in a few hours.”
Delete. And then I make sure my door is locked. I guess if he really wanted to get in he could, he’s done it before. Fuck it.
Pretty sure my mom is spending her days blitzed out at a crack house up the street that belongs to her boyfriend.
“I’m here. I’m outside. I will break in if I have to but I’d rather not. Man up and open the damn door please.”
Delete.
“I’m guessing whatever is going on is your fault since you’re avoiding me. ’Preciate the timing. You can withdraw us from battle since you’ve decided to be a fucking toddler. If you ever show your face at work again, that is.”
Delete.
“Hey, it’s me.”
My heart pounds because it isn’t Dallas’s voice on my voice mail this time.
It’s Dixie.
“Um, so I talked to Dallas and I’d really like it if we could go ahead and compete at the battle this weekend. The three of us. If you’re up for it.”
She pauses and I’m a burning man during that pause. Dying to hear more of her sweet voice and knowing it will wreck and ruin me at the same time.
“Anyway, we’re going to rehearse tonight at the same place downtown where we used to go.”
Another pause.
“We reserved two hours from six to eight if you want to come. Bye, Gav. I hope you’re okay.”
Repeat.
I play her message so many times, I feel beat to hell and back by the time my phone battery dies.
I put it on the charger for a while and when it comes back on I see I have another missed call. From her.