“You said over and over that I was.”
“Yes, which is why I sent you the cards. That was my test. Emily would have figured out what was going on ages before you did. But I suppose it’s good that you turned out to be lesser. There can’t be two of us. That won’t do.”
Two of us. I stared at Alice, wondering what in the world that meant.
“But you’re not like her, are you?” She smiled. “You’re like him.”
I knew immediately whom she meant. “I’m not!”
“Oh. Did I hit a sore spot?” Alice offered a mocking pout. “That moment in the hospital stairway I saw the truth. You actually put your hand around my neck. Do you remember doing that? Do you know how many times I watched your father do that to my Emily?”
My Emily. Her “two of us” comment made sense suddenly, especially if Emily Moriarty was whom she wanted to become. Her hero had left a giant gap in the lives of me and my brothers and I’d invited Alice to fill it. I’d ushered her right into the spot. But that couldn’t be all of it. There had to be a bigger game to play for Alice. “If I’m so much like my dad, why would you want me around?”
“You’ll find out soon enough.”
“How foreboding, our Alice. I suppose you think I’ll do something for you in the end.”
“And you think you won’t. As long as we’re both clear on the starting point.”
“Nothing is starting, Alice.” I sat up too fast, which sent a rage of pain through my skull, but I covered it with the smile that most enraged my father. She was attempting to keep some kind of amused expression on her face, but it was clear to me how irritated she was that I wasn’t cowed by her. “This is a lot of wasted effort.” I stood, feeling stronger than I suspected I would. “So typical of a lowly con woman to go to so much trouble for very little return.”
“What’s your point?”
“Two things.”
I slowly made my way across my tiny prison to the bars where she stood. She didn’t back down and I didn’t stop until we were practically face-to-face. It was foolish of her to underestimate me like she was.
“First, this,” I gestured around my jail cell. “I’m sure this plan of yours will be full of lots of clever little fragments, but in the end it will mean nothing.”
She laughed and stepped back from the bars, but too slowly. I jutted my arm through just in time to grab her by the hair and yank her head so hard against the metal bars, the thud rang for a few moments after impact. She whimpered and was forced to hang on to my cage to keep herself upright. I held tension on her hair to keep her in place, then leaned down so she could feel my lips at her ear when I said, “Second, and let the pain you’re feeling now serve as the smallest proof that what I’m about to say is true—you’re not smart enough to break me, Alice Stokes.”
I heard footsteps coming and, with my hand still fisted in her hair, I let Alice’s head sway away from the bars just enough so I could let go and drop her to the floor. I ignored the men who rushed to her aid. Ignored their panicked shuffling about and Alice’s vague threats shouted through my new cage wall. I ignored everything and limped over to the cot to collapse, facing the back of my cell, so that no one could see the scattered tears that dripped down my cheeks.
I couldn’t stop them. Maybe because I was all alone again to fight a battle I didn’t want to fight. But I should’ve been used to that by now. Maybe because for all my supposed cleverness, I’d been ensnared by a second-rate copy of my mother. That was humiliating, to say the least. But staring at the wall of my new prison, I knew the exact reason for my tears.
I couldn’t help but remember over and over the last thought I’d had before waking up to this new nightmare. I’d smiled just before they grabbed me, because I’d remembered something my Lock had said to me once. That we were our own army. That none could stand before us. In Regent’s Park, for a brief shining moment, I’d thought he and I were finally going to become that. I’d thought maybe we’d belong to each other. ?At least for a while. That maybe he could keep me from becoming a monster while slaying one. But it was a stupid, stupid thought. Because as much as we wanted that fantasy to be our reality, even an attempt to make it happen ended only in disaster.
And so I cried for our army that would never be. I shed tears for the belonging I’d never know. Because Alice had declared war and I couldn’t afford to have a liability like Sherlock Holmes if I were to win. I couldn’t let him be my weakness like he’d been yesterday in the park. Never again. Because I had to win—for my brothers and myself. I couldn’t let our lives be determined by anyone else.