We just won the fucking Stanley Cup.
My gloves hit the ground instantly, stick abandoned, helmet off. Warmth flows through my body as I attack our goalie with the rest of my team, dog-piling until we’re a mess of red jerseys on top of one another.
I can’t make out words. There’s a shit-ton of yelling and cheering, a couple of guys crying in this mess of a pile as red and black confetti begins to rain down onto the ice, covering us.
We fucking did it.
After a grueling season, we did it. After twenty-two years of skating, early morning practices, conditioning, broken bones, torn muscles, wanting to quit more times than I can count, I did it. Every second of effort, sacrifice, and hard work is vindicated, culminating at this moment.
Two fists grab my jersey, pulling me onto my feet as Maddison throws his body into mine with a crushing hug. “Let’s go, Zee baby!”
I wrap my arms around him. “We fucking did it, man!”
We hold on for a little longer before we’re attacked by more bodies, more teammates, more coaches, but there are no words for this moment. The moment I achieve the one thing I could’ve only dreamed of as a kid, and I get to do so with my brother at my side.
Logan’s red hair captures my attention only a second after it catches Maddison’s. He races to her, barely allowing the seat usher to open the plexiglass before he’s picking her up and not letting go.
The smile on my face is painfully big as I watch my two best friends together. Logan’s green eyes are rimmed in red with happy tears as she tries to hide in Maddison’s neck, but it’s then that it hits me.
Stevie.
The whole family box is guided onto the ice, but Stevie’s not with them. She didn’t sit with them, but I need her here. This is the moment I’ve been waiting for. I need to tell her how much I love her, and I need the whole world to know too. She felt rejected when people found out about her, so it’s only right she feels chosen with that same attention.
“Scott!” I yell to one of our team managers as he’s celebrating on the ice. I pull him away from someone else mid-hug. “That ticket you got for me. You know Stevie, from the plane? My girlfriend, she’s sitting there. Can you bring her down?” My volume is loud enough to hear over the crowd, my tone pleading.
He quickly nods, noting the urgency on my face as he takes off into the crowd.
Turning around, Lindsey attacks me in a hug.
“Congrats, Ev!” she shouts into my ear. I lift her up, swinging her around. Setting her back on her feet, she holds me out at arm’s length with an overwhelmingly proud smile on her lips.
My dad’s hand slides around the back of my neck, pulling me into him. He’s almost as tall as I am, but I have quite a few inches over him in my skates. Regardless, I bend down, hiding away in his hug.
“Proud of you, son.” He pats me hard on the shoulder while continuing to hold me.
“Love you, Dad.”
Reaching out, I grab my sister, the three of us hanging on in a hug. All the tension in my body releases, having my family with me, having them here to celebrate after everything we’ve been through.
“I love you both.”
I look up, past them, searching for any sign of Stevie, but there’s nothing yet.
My knees get knocked from behind, almost causing me to lose my balance. Peeking down, I find a pile of wild brunette hair and little hands holding on for dear life around my legs.
I pick my niece up with ease, hoisting her onto my hip. Her tiny hands squish my sweaty cheeks together. “You win, Uncle Zee!”
I can’t help but laugh.
My eyes find Maddison again as he shares a long moment with his dad, brother, and stepmom before his eight-month-old son, MJ, is passed to him. He peppers kisses on MJ’s golden cheeks, all the while keeping Logan tucked under his arm.
Looking around, there’s still no sign of Stevie.
Maddison’s gaze darts to his daughter and me. “EJ, I think your dad wants to celebrate with you.” I skate over to him before handing her off.
He covers her in kisses before he skates off with his two kids, taking a victory lap around the rink.
“I’m so proud of you two,” Logan reminds me. She throws her arms around my neck.
“Love you, Lo.” Pulling back, we hold eye contact. “Is she here?”
Logan offers me an apologetic smile. “I’m not sure. She didn’t tell me one way or another.”
My brows crease as reality starts to set in. I was so confident Stevie was going to be here. There was no doubt in my mind that she would be. We were going to win. I would tell her how much I love her, how much meaning she brings into my life, beg her to love me back. Remind her that none of this is worth it without her, but she’s not here.
Everything I did over the last couple of weeks, I did because I needed to be the man she deserves. I needed to face some old demons, repair a relationship, and overall be ready for her. I am ready, but she’s not here.
“Zee.” Logan brings my attention back to her. “Take the moment in. Live it up and worry about everything else tomorrow. You’re still here, in Chicago. You have us. Your freaking dad is here!” She pushes my chest with pride. “Stevie loves you. I know she does, but be selfish in this moment and celebrate with your teammates.”
I nod in agreement when finally, my eyes land on Scott, standing behind the plexiglass. Urgently, I skate over to him.
“She wasn’t in that seat!” he yells over the crowd. “I’m sorry, man.”
My heart drops. I’m not sure it’s healthy to experience every emotion I have in the last five minutes—the highest of highs and the lowest of lows. I thought she’d be here. I convinced myself she would be.
Maddison makes it back from his skate with his kids, and he somehow manages to hold MJ in one hand with Ella on his back as he wraps Logan up in his other. He buries his head in her neck, and like the emotional man he is, his body begins to vibrate, and I’m almost certain he’s shedding a few tears. That guy has been through it when it comes to his career and family, fighting to make it while taking some major losses along the way. But he’s here. He did it, and he has his people right alongside him.
And for the first time in a long time, I’m jealous of my best friend. He has it all. He has what I want. I never saw his life as one I desired until this year, but it’s perfectly clear to me now. I want what he has, but she’s not here.
That’s when it hits me.
Stevie has given up on me.
53
STEVIE
“Excuse me!” I try to squeeze through the packed aisles, needing to get down to ice-level. “Excuse me!”
It’s no use. It’s too loud, too many celebrations. Too many fans are eager to get as close to the glass as possible, wanting a glimpse of the new Stanley Cup champions. The rows have emptied into the walkways, locking me into the mass of red and black jerseys.
“Excuse me. I need to get down there.” I push my way through but quickly get shoved back.