“I love you, Dad.”
The words feel right and needed and long overdue as they come off my tongue. I haven’t said them to him in twelve years. I haven’t said them to many people in the last twelve years, and the physical relief I watch that man experience makes me upset that I didn’t say it all this time.
“I love you too, Evan.” He quickly nods his head, trying to collect himself.
Walking around the table, I hug him hard as he holds me just the same. “I’m sorry I couldn’t say it before.”
“It’s scary sometimes. I know that.” His voice is soft with understanding.
We hold on a little longer before finally releasing each other.
“I was scared to let anyone love me for a long time,” my dad continues. “I was scared to love anyone else, too.”
“Are you still?”
He shakes his head. “Not anymore.”
I keep my suspicious stare on him.
“What? Don’t look at me like that.”
“Dad, do you have a girlfriend?” I tease.
He pops his shoulders. “Maybe.”
“What?” A disbelieving laugh escapes me. “Why didn’t you say anything?”
“It’s new. Kind of. She was a good friend to me for a lot of years, and she waited for a long time for me to be ready to let someone else into my life. Right before Christmas, I stopped being an idiot.”
A proud smile slides across my lips. “Can I meet her soon?”
“I’d really like that.”
Any previous tension in the air is long gone as I grab my pool cue and line up my shot again.
“So, is there a reason you needed to come here and have this conversation the day before the biggest game of your life?”
I take my shot, not sinking a single ball, so I wait for my dad to take his turn, but he doesn’t. He keeps his attention on me, waiting for my answer.
There’s a long pause between us.
“Why didn’t you follow Mom when she left?”
“Because some people aren’t worth following.”
I nod in understanding.
“And some people are worth following to the ends of the earth.”
Keeping my burning eyes glued to the table in front of me, the emotions attack every one of my senses, wanting to surface.
“Do you have someone worth following?” he softly asks.
I let out a sharp breath. “Yeah. I think I do.”
“Do you love them?”
I nod, unable to speak.
“Then don’t let them go, Evan. I know loving someone is scary, and letting someone love you, especially after everything we’ve been through, is even scarier. But I promise you, with the right person, it’s worth it.”
It’s terrifying to trust someone to not leave me empty and hollow after I give them all of me. But regardless of never telling Stevie how much I love her, I’m just as empty and just as terrified from her absence.
“All these years, I played this bad guy who fans love to hate, and I enjoyed it because I knew they hated a made-up version of me. I didn’t want to give anyone the opportunity to hate the real me, but it also kept me from letting anyone love the real me. But I think someone loved the real me, and I may have lost her.”
“Have you told her you love her?”
I shake my head with guilt.
“Then I think it’s time she knows.”
A pause lingers between us. “Dad, I don’t know where I’ll be playing after this season. No team is as close as Chicago, but I was hoping you’d let me start flying you out for games. I miss having you at the rink, and I know you need to work and—”
“I’ll be there.”
I offer him a grateful smile, pulling a ticket out of my back pocket. “Will you come watch me win the Stanley Cup tomorrow?”
“Look at you, Ev.” He shakes his head in disbelief, a giant smile on his lips.
“Is that a yes?”
He laughs. “Hell yeah, it’s a yes.” He snatches the ticket from my hand, looking it over in awe. “I’m so proud of you.”
I give him another hug.
“Can you introduce me to her tomorrow?” he asks.
“If I can get her to the game.”
51
STEVIE
“Ryan!” I wheel my suitcase inside. “Are you home?”
“Yeah,” he mumbles from his bedroom before dragging his feet into the living room. “Did you change your flight? Why are you home so early?”
His eyes are laced with sleep, barely open, but he pulls me into a hug.
“I caught a red-eye. I was ready to be back.”
He stretches his arms towards the ceiling, still waking up. “And maybe you didn’t want to be away from Chicago? Especially tonight?”
Casually, I pop my shoulders, keeping my eyes away from his.
“Did you sign on an apartment?”
I stay silent.
“You know you don’t have to go if you don’t want to. I don’t want you to unless you feel like that’s the best place for you. You can stay here, rent-free. Zanders probably won’t even be in Chicago next season anyway.”
My eyes dart to his. “What are you talking about?”
“He doesn’t have an agent or a new contract.” His tone is far too casual.
“What do you mean he doesn’t have an agent?”
Ryan’s brows crease in confusion. “He fired him. Didn’t he tell you?”
What the hell? “No!” My volume rises with desperation. “Why would he do that?”
My brother hesitates. “I uh...I think you should talk to him about it.”
“He can’t fire him! He needs to sign somewhere. He needs to sign in Chicago. He doesn’t want to leave.” My words rush together. “How do you know?”
He shoots me an apologetic smile. “He came by looking for you right when they landed from Pittsburgh.”
Of course, he did. He called nonstop after our conversation, but I didn’t answer. After he told me he didn’t know how to let somebody love him, there wasn’t much more to say. But something about that talk, in addition to everything else I love about that man, kept me from signing an apartment lease in Seattle. I couldn’t do it yet. It’s such an official big step to make without seeing him first.
“And he’s come by every night, looking for you, Vee.”
“What happens if he doesn’t have an agent?”
“Teams can’t talk to him without representation while he’s still in season. He’s going to have to wait until the finals are over and just hope that not every organization has filled their roster yet.”
I plop onto the armrest of the couch. “This is all my fault.”
“No, it’s not, Stevie. This is on Zanders. He made his choices, and now he’s dealing with the consequences. But I’m not going to sit here and tell you that this has nothing to do with you. I think losing you opened his eyes, but that’s not necessarily a bad thing.”
The last thing I want is for Zanders to lose his career over me. In fact, that was the one comfort I had, knowing that his local fanbase loved him before me and they’d love him again after.
“Vee.” My brother’s tone is gentle, almost cautious. “Do you want to forgive him?”
I bury my head in my hands, hiding my face. “Yes,” I mumble against my skin, hoping he doesn’t judge me for it. “Does that make me pathetic?”
Ryan quietly laughs before draping an arm over my shoulders, pulling me into his side. “Not at all.”