"Would you?" she asked.
"Rather be locked up than be lonely? It's hard to say. I've never been locked up before. But based on what I read online, I'd probably choose loneliness. It sounded like being locked up was the least of the torments that patients experienced at Whittington, at least in the older days. And maybe he was even lonely while he was locked up. I guess out here at least he had freedom."
Lily was quiet for a moment. "Yes. Freedom." She paused. "I suppose we'll never know what he was thinking exactly."
"No, I guess not."
Lily looked up at the sky. "It looks like it might rain. I hate to think of you walking all the way back in bad weather."
"I made it here. I think I can make it back."
She raised her eyebrows, looking dubious. "How about we wait it out for a little bit, Boy Scout?" She pulled my hand and we ducked beneath some low tree branches.
The rain was only sprinkling at the moment, and the thick canopy of branches provided complete shelter as we sat down on a dry patch of ground, me leaning against the tree trunk. The air was cool, but I was wearing my sweatshirt. I took it off and wrapped it around Lily's shoulders, putting one arm around her and pulling her close. She laid her head on my shoulder and we sat there for a few minutes, just listening to the rainfall on the leaves overhead.
I barely knew anything about this girl. I only knew that when I was with her, the entire world felt different. It was like this forest was our own secret land, and here, we could be anything we wanted to be. Anything at all.
"Feels like a different world here," I said, voicing my thought.
She hummed. "I know." She tilted her head and looked up at me. "Are you lonely out here, Holden? In that house all by yourself, I mean."
"I feel like I've been lonely for a very long time, Lily. It's not so much the location . . . it's just . . . me, I guess." I put my lips to her forehead. "I don't feel lonely when I'm with you, though," I murmured, brushing my lips over her cool skin, feathering kisses against her as lightly as if she were made of moonlight.
She raised her face so that her lips were almost touching mine. "I don't feel lonely when I'm with you either," she whispered, raising her mouth and pressing her lips against mine. Desire arced down the center of my chest, and I turned so I could bring my hands to her face and claim her mouth completely. Our tongues met and tangled and Lily moaned, climbing over me so she was straddling my lap as we kissed. "I've missed you so much," she said, between kisses. "So much it scared me." The sweatshirt fell off her shoulders, exposing us both to the mist, but I didn't think it mattered. My own body was so overheated by her sitting on my lap, I thought I might suddenly self-combust.
"I'm sorry," I said. Because it was my fault we'd spent the last few days apart. My stupid life that had found me, even all the way out here, and had come between Lily and me. I felt ashamed. I had so much to feel ashamed about. Lily kissed the corner of my mouth, her lips sliding down my jaw and around to my ear. A muffled groan escaped my lips as her tongue traced the outer shell.
"Is this okay?" she whispered, her breath hot against my skin.
"God, yes," I panted, the entire forest disappearing around me. It was only her. Only her fresh scent, the feel of her weight on top of me, her hands, her skin, her lips. Only her.
The rain picked up, the sound of it beating more steadily on the leaves above, the air growing more humid around us, a cool drop of rain or two finding its way between the branches to splatter on our skin. My heart beat frantically, my excitement growing by the second. I wanted Lily so much it hurt.
"Show me what to do," she said. "Show me what you like."
"There's nothing you can do that I won't like. I promise you. Oh, God," I moaned as she bit lightly on my earlobe. My erection throbbed.
She kissed along my jaw again. "You make me want things I shouldn't want," she said.
"Why shouldn't you want them?"
"Because," she said, bringing her mouth to mine and kissing me again, "this is just temporary. It has to be, Holden. Eventually you'll go back to where you belong."
I could hardly remember where I belonged. Lately, it seemed like I didn't belong anywhere at all. "We can figure something out. We can be together. It's up to us. There's always a way . . ."