Ryder shook his head as he stood, bringing Leah with him. “I have provisions, but thank you, little sister.” He winked at her, though he didn’t feel as jovial as he tried to appear. His head hurt, his heart hurt, and frankly, his soul hurt. And he hadn’t done anything to warrant it. Yet.
He nodded at his brothers as Leah tucked her hand into his. He didn’t freeze, but it was close. They’d sat together, he’d held her to his side, and yet, with her tiny hand in his, his heart stopped. Just a simple touch, one that would mean nothing to some, made his wolf hope for more. But he knew it wouldn’t happen. Again, enough with that.
As he turned with his hand over Leah’s, Brandon took a step forward. The warmth of Brandon’s powers, so inherent to his brother that Ryder knew sometimes Brandon couldn’t control it—even if he wanted to—brushed his skin.
Brandon could take in deep emotions, wash away part of the sadness, help the happiness grow, or entrench himself in one’s agony so the sufferer wasn’t alone. Yet, each time, it came with a price.
A price Ryder wasn’t willing to pay. Nor would he let Brandon pay it, as his little brother always had in the past. Holding the weight of the emotions of a Pack in turmoil was more than one wolf could take. Yet Brandon was forced to do it. Just as Ryder was forced to speak for his Alpha, his Pack, and never for himself.
Leah wasn’t Pack, so she wouldn’t feel what Brandon was trying to do, but Ryder did.
“Stop.”
One word, and Brandon’s face went blank. Ryder didn’t know what it meant, but he didn’t have the energy to deal. Instead, he squeezed Leah’s hand and led her outside and in the direction of his place. He picked up her small bag on the way, knowing it was most likely all she had in the world. While he knew his life wasn’t perfect, at least he had his family and Pack to lean on in times of sorrow.
Leah had no one.
No one but him.
And yet he couldn’t give her what she needed.
“I can’t believe the world knows,” Leah said softly as they walked through the den toward his place. He wasn’t far from Walker’s so they didn’t need to drive, but it was long enough that the cooling weather relieved his too-warm skin.
“It came as a bit of a shock when we were outed, as well,” Ryder replied. “Though I don’t know how much longer we could have realistically stayed hidden.”
“I know. Everyone is watched. The world is under a digital microscope, and yet the moon goddess protected all of us for centuries. It seems feeble that people with a different agenda were the ones to reveal us.”
He squeezed her hand again; aware that the Packmates who watched them walk past were curious. Ryder didn’t normally walk with a woman down the center of the den. He wasn’t a monk, but it had been a while since he’d paid any attention to a member of the opposite sex. Not only did he have to be careful because of his rank in the Pack and the fact that he’d never wanted his wolf to find his mate, but he also had the voices to battle.
Things weren’t always as clear as some would like.
His wolf howled at him, wanting to claim Leah and call it a day. Ryder wanted to simultaneously run away and bring her into his arms. If things were going to work out, if he were going to help her survive and figure out the witch problem, he needed to lay out the issues. He needed to tell her what his wolf wanted, and at least part of why they couldn’t be together.
Hell.
He opened his front door and let her enter first. As he closed the door behind him, he ignored the curious glances aimed his way from the people outside. He’d deal with those later.
They made their way into the kitchen, and he pulled out a couple of glasses for water. He’d need to feed them eventually, and probably show her around, but first, he needed to figure out what to do with his hands.
“I don’t know how I ended up here.” Leah let out a frustrated breath. “I feel like I’m walking through a fog and I can’t find my way out. One minute, I’m running for my life; the next, I’m somehow living with a man I don’t know.” She met Ryder’s gaze. “Why am I here, Ryder? Why do I feel this pull to you? Is it magic? Because it’s not my magic.”
Ryder ran a hand through his hair. There was only one way to do this. Either way, it would hurt, but putting it out there clear and concise would make it easier. At least, he hoped.
“We’re mates.”
Her eyes widened fractionally. “I had guessed that.” She tilted her head, looking so much like a wolf it surprised him. “And yet, you don’t sound happy about it.”
She’d guessed? Well, he supposed that made sense. Witches grew up learning the stories of mates and wolves.
“The moon goddess blessed wolves with the ability to form a mating bond. With that bond comes an understanding of true harmony. Your soul will literally be touching another through that bond. Sometimes, the mating urge comes as quick as an intake of breath and it’s mating at first sight. Sometimes, it takes years for the wolf to trust enough to sense an ability to mate. Through a mating bond comes connection…but not love. That comes from the human half.”