That look again – fleeting. I caught it that time. Betrayal. He thought I had betrayed him.
‘Say something,’ I said. ‘Give out to me if you want, but don’t just stand there glaring at me.’
Show me you still care. Show me something real.
The silence stretched out.
I just wanted it to make sense.
A muscle feathered in his jaw. ‘I don’t have anything to say to you, Sophie.’
And then he was gone. But the guilt remained, burrowing deep. I added it to the great, heaving pile already teetering inside me.
CHAPTER SEVEN
SNEAKING OUT
On Sunday morning, when everyone at the Falcone compound was getting ready for church, I sneaked out. Millie was parked in the usual spot, half-hidden by shrubbery around a giant bend in the road that dipped into a ditch about half a mile from Felice’s house. Her head was bowed, the light from her phone reflecting off her face.
A sense of determination came over me as I drew closer. I imagined a mask absorbing my features, the old bones of my personality clicking into place. I was getting so good at compartmentalizing, it was almost scary. I was learning to be like them. I was learning to be like Valentino.
I swung the passenger door open, and Millie jumped in her seat, her phone sailing across the car. ‘Holy crap Sophie-you move like the wind.’
‘Sorry.’ I slipped inside. ‘Are you ready to make our getaway?’
She raised an eyebrow at me, the engine already purring to life beneath us. ‘What else would I be doing on a Sunday morning except smuggling my best friend away from her new home with a bunch of murderers before they notice she’s gone and track her down via a chaperone who is most likely the boy I almost fell in love with but as it turns out was only using me for information?’
We pulled out on to the road, and Millie launched into her favourite pastime – unashamed speeding. I put on my seat-belt and gripped the sides of my seat. ‘Tunes?’ She turned on the radio, and cranked it up until the car was vibrating. ‘Now, I don’t want you to freak out,’ Millie shouted over the music. She always preferred to shout than to turn it down. ‘But as of this past month, I think something terrifying is happening to me.’
‘Oh?’ I said, matching her pitch.
‘Yeah.’ She nodded solemnly at the road. ‘I’m not sure yet, but I think, I think, I might be a Belieber now.’
I clutched at my heart. ‘Good God.’
‘His stuff is just so on point these days, what am I supposed to do? Not listen to it? Not sing along? I’m only human, Soph. A beautiful, hilarious, intelligent human.’
I fought the urge to hug her lest we both veer off the road and crash. ‘I’ve missed you, Mil.’
Millie snorted. ‘Geez, what’s it like in that hellish boy-filled mansion? It’s only been two days.’
I thought about the ice-cold treatment I had been getting from Luca, Nic’s eagerness to continue training me, how stuck in the middle I felt, how badly I burnt for the moment Valentino would give me my target, how guilty I felt for anticipating it. ‘Two days too long.’
‘Speaking of your somewhat strange living arrangement which I have solemnly promised to stop questioning but secretly always wonder about … How is your boo?’ She threw me a mischievous look.
I deadpanned her.
‘What?’ she said, innocently. ‘Is it “bae” now? Is that what all the cool kids are saying? Or would it be “murder-bae”?’
I shut my eyes. ‘Please do not refer to Luca Falcone as my murder-bae ever again.’
‘But it’s so funny,’ she protested. ‘He would hate it.’
Oh, you have no idea.
‘Yeah, he would hate it. Probably about as much as he hates me right now.’
Millie screwed her face up. ‘Why would Luca hate you? He practically escorted you into his family. Is he being an ass to you? Do you want me to get involved? Because I will take him down, Sophie, murder-bae or no murder-bae, I will take him all the way down.’
I smiled at my best friend, a well of love pouring over all of my frustrations. ‘He thinks I’m getting with Nic,’ I said, after a beat. Half a truth. That was the best I could do.
‘Yikes.’
‘I’m not getting with Nic,’ I thought it pertinent to add.
Millie rolled her eyes. ‘Obviously.’
‘I don’t want to be with Nic.’
‘But does Nic know that?’
I weighed the question for a minute. ‘You know, I’m starting to wonder whether there’s a difference between me telling Nic that, and Nic actually hearing it.’
‘Boys can be so pig-headed sometimes,’ Millie sighed. Her phone beeped from where it had fallen on the floor. She glanced towards it – out of reach – with so much longing on her face that she might have just tumbled right out of a war romance novel.
‘What’s his name?’
Her cheeks turned the most unsubtle shade of pink. ‘Hmm?’
‘The boy,’ I said, picking her phone up for her. I held it between us as she struggled to keep her focus on the road. ‘Don’t make me invade your privacy, because I’ll do it.’
‘Oh, please,’ she said, undaunted. ‘My privacy is your privacy.’
Well, that was definitely a one-way street.
I glanced at the screen. ‘Who is Crispin?’ And, as an aside, I thought it best to add, ‘And why are you dating someone called Crispin?’
‘Eh, because he’s hot, and I’m shallow?’
‘Really?’
‘No!’ She slapped my knee. ‘Not really! Because he can’t help what his parents named him. And he’s actually really kind and sweet, and yes he is hot, plus he’s perfect for this current phase in my life.’
‘Which is?’
‘Which is the phase of needing an escort for the Halloween Masquerade Ball so I don’t look like a huge loo-hoo-ser in front of all my peers.’
‘Oh,’ I said, suddenly remembering the dance. ‘Then I guess this loo-hoo-ser will be going all by herself then.’
‘Cris is on the football team.’
‘Oh, that Crispin. Cris.’ The realization dawned on me. Tall, blond, ripped Crispin. ‘He is hot. Still, terrible name.’
Millie swirled her hand in the air. ‘He sits beside me in chemistry.’
‘How convenient …’
‘We’re lab partners … I let him cheat off me sometimes.’
I feigned a gasp. ‘Millicent!’
‘Look, science isn’t his strong suit,’ she said. ‘He is, however, a very accomplished baker. He makes a mean blueberry pie.’
‘Is this … is this a euphemism?’
‘I kid you not.’
‘Huh.’
‘Anyway, anyway, I was making a point here. If you want, I can get him to set you up with one of his friends and we can all ride in the limo together.’
‘The limo?’
‘Yes,’ Millie said. ‘The limo. So you can just go ahead and remove that negative attitude, wrap it up in a bow and hide it away for a rainy day, because you and I are arriving at the dance in a limo.’
‘Couldn’t I just walk alongside it … ?’
Millie cut her eyes at me. ‘You’re going inside the limo or I’m strapping you to the top of it. Your decision.’
‘Fine. I suppose I’ll take the luxury.’