The man knew he was not well and wanted to live. He wanted help. There was simply no other reason for him to be here.
As for me, the effect this man had—unlocking some corner of my mind that allowed me to feel intense emotion—had no explanation. But I needed to separate the two. Whatever was going on with me didn’t concern him.
“Then I would like to help you break this curse, Mack,” I said to placate him. “I would like to help you live.”
“I cannot be helped.”
“I know you might feel that way, but I’m the only one truly qualified to make that determination.”
He laughed. “You should leave now. You don’t know what you’re getting yourself into.”
“I know you’ve come here because—”
“Make no mistake, Dr. Valentine, I am here to die. In peace. And hopefully soon before they find me.”
“They who?”
He did not reply.
I let out a breath, thinking this over. I needed him to start talking. I needed to see the world through his eyes so I could fix him.
“In that case, you can stay for as long as you like,” I lied. Everyone had to leave eventually. “However, there’s a price.”
“I already paid.” He sounded displeased, but not the sort of way a normal guy might. There was a bite of menace in his voice. I couldn’t let that get to me.
“Not good enough. But I’ll make you a deal; if you tell me more about your curse, you can stay.”
“Just as long as I chat with you,” he said, sounding amused.
“Yes. I want to hear how it happened.”
“You will not believe it.”
“Thinking for me, are you?” I replied.
He was silent, so I hoped that meant he was mulling over my proposal, but I wanted to see his face and know for sure. I reached for the lights.
“I wouldn’t do that if I were you,” he warned.
I pulled back my hand, remembering what happened the last time. But that had all been in my head. Right?
“Okay,” I said. “We’ll leave the lights off for the time being. Do we have a deal?”
“It is your life. But are you so certain you’re willing to risk it for simply hearing my story?”
Ah yes. Because he believed I would die if I spent time with him.
“We’ll begin on Monday.” I turned to leave, attempting one last time to get a look at his face. A shadow, a hint, a something.
Nada.
“I look forward to it.” He dipped his head, and a sliver of light peeked through the curtains, catching the side of his face. The stubble-covered jaw was strong and angular. His cheekbones were chiseled works of man-art.
My heart raced and my mind—without any warning—filled with hot, hard, simmering sensations that felt like an erotic drug. That, of course, was where I had to put my mental foot down. Chaotic situation or not, there were some lines that should never be crossed, like murder, hitting children, or kicking puppies. Having sexual feelings for a patient was also on that list somewhere.
“I look forward to it, too, Mack.” I left, eager for the light outside that felt like my personal sanctuary, a place where I could breathe again. But as soon as I got into the hallway, the need to go back into that room and bathe myself in that delicious darkness called Mack overwhelmed me.
For Christ’s sake, get a hold of yourself, Ted.
CHAPTER FIVE
Once I got home and calmed my jittery nerves (with the aid of a greasy jalape?o cheeseburger and fries, due to still feeling like I had years of culinary deprivation to make up for), I thought the worst was over. With some comforting junk food in my belly, I would begin the process of dissecting the events and identifying the catalyst for my new mental state.
But as I sat on my balcony, bundled in a warm purple sweater and scarf, my mind simply wouldn’t settle. I thought about calling Sue, one of my best friends (who hadn’t slept with my ex), but she was at some librarian convention in Minnesota. I tried Melody, my other best friend, also a non-backstabbing-whore to the best of my knowledge—but it went into her voicemail. I didn’t leave a message, of course. What could I possibly say? “Hi. It’s the new me. Crazy, hungry, and with real emotions versus the fake ones you’ve come to know and love over the years.” Best to tackle all that another day.
I leaned back in my red Adirondack chair and felt the cold night wind picking up. I suddenly felt a dark heaviness in the air, like a cosmic storm brewing just for me. Was it a sign of things to come? Probably. I was already chomping at the bit to get back into that room again and listen to the sound of that hypnotically deep voice, feeling my toes clench and my pulse accelerate.
I craved it. Yes, more than fake cheese.
As soon as I arrived at the center Monday morning, I asked Shannon to block out my entire day. I would lie to myself and say it was best to give Mack as much time as he needed to talk.
“Are you sure?” Shannon asked, sitting behind her immaculately organized desk right outside my office. “Because you have Doctors Cole and Snow scheduled back-to-back for their one-on-ones.”