I move my finger again, and it’s all the strength I have left.
I can’t move again, but I think it was enough.
Dare’s gone,
Gone from my side,
Yelling for someone,
For anyone.
Other voices fill my room,
Circling my bed,
And Dare’s voice is drowned.
He’s gone,
but others have replaced him.
I’m poked,
I’m prodded,
My lids are lifted and lights are shined into my eyes.
“It’s a miracle,” someone announces. “It took. She’s not rejecting it anymore.”
I can’t stay awake.
My strength is gone.
I fall asleep wishing Dare would come back.
I don’t know how long I sleep.
I only know that I dream,
And now, when I dream,
They’re lucid.
I’m no longer insane.
I don’t know why.
Olivia sits in front of me, her smile gentle and soft.
“My boy wasn’t meant for you, but you took him anyway. I thought you’d be each other’s downfall, but maybe you saved each other.”
I swallow hard because I did take him.
“You have to know that’s the way of things,” I offer. “Boys can’t stay with their mothers forever. It wasn’t my fault you died.”
“I killed myself,” she says simply. “I’m a child of Salome, and I thought my blood was bad. I didn’t mean to, but I couldn’t take any more pain. I made sure you were all three safe, then I just let go. I drifted away and the darkness came, and it was soft and warm. And I let go.”
I understand pain.
I nod.
“If you’re choosing to be dead, then can my brother live?”
Hope surges through me, but the look on Olivia’s face shuts it down. And my chest hurts and hurts and hurts as she shakes her head.
“He chose,” she answers, and her words her words her words. “He chose to die to keep you safe.”
And I think about the blackness and how I stopped breathing, and how I suddenly was alive. Finn did that.
Save me, and I’ll save you.
A lump a lump a lump forms in my throat and I can’t swallow it.
“I can’t live without my Finn,” I say limply. But Olivia is firm.
“You have to. He’s gone, but you’re not. He chose you, Calla. He chose to protect you.” In my head, I remember him handing me his medallion and I cry because she’s right. Finn chose for me to live.
Olivia gets up and her form is so slight, so small. She’s dark like Dare and her eyes gleam like the night.
Black, black eyes that examine my soul.
She cocks her head, in the same way that Dare does.
“History can’t keep repeating itself. Mr. Savage killed himself to protect his children. He chose himself rather than them because sons shouldn’t have to pay for the sins of their fathers. But his son Richard was evil and it should’ve been him. Laura sacrificed Finn because that’s the way it had to be. Let it be now, Calla. It is as it should be. You’re descended from Judas, and it’s in your blood, but don’t betray this.”
“Wait,” I suck in my breath. “What about Dare?”
He was by my bed, He’s been here the whole time, humming to me.
“Is Dare safe?” I ask her breathlessly.
“A sacrifice has been made,” she answers. “It’s been accepted. Don’t change it.”
Her voice is small because the sacrifice was Finn.
“Our story is so sad,” I tell her, because it is. The saddest thing I’ve ever heard, because it makes everything seem hopeless, as though our own actions don’t matter, because we pay for the sins of those who came before us. Olivia shakes her head knowingly.
“It’s not. The saddest thing is if everything was in vain and if history keeps repeating. Don’t let that be, girl. Save my son. Save yourself. Don’t sink into the oblivion. You’ve got to open your eyes. Open your eyes.
Open your eyes.
Open your eyes.”
I startle awake, the insistence of her voice shocking me into lucidity.
My eyes open.
The light is so bright it’s blinding.
The humming stops.
Chapter Thirty-One