He squinted, eyes full of pain. “This is my punishment.”
“No, don’t say that. We’re in love, and everything will be fine.” I kissed him again and tried to deepen the kiss, but he seemed far away.
“Get dressed, please, Evey. I want to take you to the doctor.”
I pinched his nose. “If it’s nothing, you’re making this up to me.”
“If it’s nothing, Evey, I’ll fly you to the fucking moon.”
“Really? Can you do that?”
“No, I can’t do that. Don’t be silly. There’s no atmosphere.”
I was laughing, but he was serious. “Lighten up, grumpy,” I said, knowing there was nothing we could do in that moment.
“If it’s nothing and I’m overreacting, I will do anything you want. I’d do anything you want anyway, but we are going get it checked out right now.”
WHAT’S THE DEAL with the medical system? We sat in the ER for four hours and were told three times that Evey’s situation wasn’t a medical emergency and to call her doctor, rather than continue waiting. I stood at the counter waiting, angry.
“Cancer isn’t a medical emergency?” I shouted at the intake employee. “Are you kidding me? She could be dying.”
“She needs tests,” the clerk replied. “Tests that can be performed in a specialist’s office… tomorrow.”
“Fuck it all to hell!” I said. The clerk grimaced.
I took Evey by the hand and quickly led her to the car. It was her twelve-year-old Honda that sounded like a jet engine every time you started it. “You need a new car,” I told her. Evey hadn’t said anything to me in a long time. I had an empty feeling inside. My heart ached. It was her—I was feeling her feelings. I glanced over as I drove and noticed that she was crying quietly. “Don’t be scared, please.”
“You’re scaring me,” she choked out.
“What? No. I’m sorry.”
I pulled the car over into a strip mall parking lot, got out, and rushed around to the passenger side. After opening the door, I pulled her out and held her to my chest. Her body relaxed. I wrapped my wings around us, so we were cloaked.
She brushed the inside of my wing with her hand. “You’ve lost a lot more.”
“It’s okay. Don’t worry about me. I’m okay.”
She started crying again. “What’s happening to us, Lucian?”
“I don’t know yet. I’ll find out, I promise. Let’s get you home.”
Brooklyn, shockingly, had given up the apartment to Evey and me a week before our wedding. She said she needed something with more space anyway. I carried Evey over the threshold, and that did earn me a smile. But once we were inside, I insisted she call the doctor.
“I have an appointment tomorrow,” she said after she hung up. “Let’s not think about it for now. Let’s plan our honeymoon.”
“Okay, but I’m going to look for Mona tonight and see if I can get some answers.”
“Maybe it’s nothing and it has nothing to do with you.”
I blinked at her. She could have been right, but I wasn’t convinced. Jesus forgives, but there are rules for a reason.
We spent the rest of the afternoon wrapped in a blanket, watching movies. We watched Dogma, and I laughed through the entire thing. Evey was curious if any of it rang true, and sadly, I couldn’t confirm or deny much except that I was positive Alanis Morissette was not God. She thought it was so strange that I knew nothing.
“I guess it’s a need-to-know kind of thing.”
“Well, you’re real, so the rest of it must be true.”
I nodded. “I am real. Jesus was a real man, and now he’s one of us, sort of.”
“Where is he?”
“He spends a lot of time in Milwaukee, for some reason.”
Evey laughed hysterically. “Stop it.”
“I’m serious. Got sick of the desert, I guess.”
“Now I don’t know if I can believe anything you say.”
“You can trust me, Evey. I’m telling you the truth. I don’t care about any of that other stuff. You’re all I care about.”
“Well, you should care about yourself too, you know.”
“I used to… I think.” The mood had gone from light to serious again in a second.
When she fell asleep, I went out to the stoop to see if I could find anyone. At magic hour, I walked the streets, seeing very few angels. I ran into Zina coming out of the St. Francis. She was kind.
“I heard you married her,” she said.
“I did.”
“And nothing’s happened so far?”
“What? Like a bolt of lightning? No.”
“Hmm. I don’t know. God works in mysterious ways.”
I chuckled. “Wow, Zina, you’re beautiful, smart, and two thousand years old. I would expect a bit more out of you than that tired old cliché.”
“Clichés are that for a reason. Take care of yourself.” She kissed me on the cheek and then took off into the air.
I walked six blocks until I finally heard the undeniably squeaky voice belonging to Mona.
“Mona,” I yelled into the sky.
“Up here,” she called back.
I spotted her flying straight toward the top of the Transamerica building, so I followed her. We sat side by side, perched on a small ledge.
“Look at this city, Lucian, so still like this. Beautiful, isn’t it?”
“It is.”
“Were you looking for me?” she asked.
“Yes.” I looked down at my fidgeting hands. “Evey found a lump in her breast.”
She huffed. “Well, Lucian, humans go to the doctor to get those things checked out. That’s the protocol. What do you think, that you can heal her? You’re not a fucking healer.”
She seemed so agitated. What did she know that I didn’t?
“Calm down. Why are you so angry?”
She wasn’t looking at me—she was staring out into the distance. “I’m angry because you’re causing a lot of confusion. Honestly, I think Evey will be fine, but one never knows. Cancer is a human disease. It has nothing to do with us.”
“I don’t believe that.”
“It’s a fact, and one that I had confirmed earlier today.”
“You’ve been keeping tabs on me, on us?” I asked.
“I overheard you in the apartment, talking about it.”
“You care for me, don’t you, Mona?”
She sighed. “Both of you. I care for both of you. I was told there would be consequences for you, but I don’t know what they’ll be. Your selfishness alone will cause Evey pain; I know that. And it will have nothing to do with cancer.”
Thinking that I was causing Evey pain stung me deeply. “If this is all my fault, then why are you concerned?”
She took a long breath. “Because I’ve seen you with her. You are different, or she is different. You should have found a way to control it, but you didn’t. I don’t know if you were capable of staying away from her in that way, and that’s why I pity you now.”
“I wasn’t capable of staying away from her, I promise you that. But I’m still feeling lost, and I probably always will. I only feel normal when I’m with her. I just have to have faith that she’ll be okay.”
Mona smiled peculiarly at me. “That’s right—faith. But if she’s not okay? Will you curse God because of it, Lucian?”
“Wouldn’t you?”
She laughed through her nose. “You never learn.”