“The first time I met your mother I wasn’t sure if I wanted to kiss her or strangle her.”
“That’s funny, Mom says the same thing about you.”
A roar of laughter escaped from his lips. “Yeah well, there was an attraction there from the very beginning. One I’d never felt before, so that was probably my first clue. Then my desire to protect her from everything and everyone was most likely the second clue.”
“You never felt that with any other girl besides Mom?”
He shrugged and replied, “I’m sure to some point, but with your mother everything was different. She consumed my every thought. One day it hit me how much I cared for her, but I was stupid.”
“What do you mean?”
“I pushed her away because I didn’t think I was good enough for her.”
My heart dropped as I listened to my father.
“She walked away from me and it felt like I couldn’t breathe. I knew in that moment, I wouldn’t ever be able to live without her. Life just wouldn’t be the same if she wasn’t by my side, so I went after her and told her how I felt.”
I reached for the fence pulls and sighed. “What if you feel all of that, but if you follow your heart, you risk making her unhappy?”
“How would you make her unhappy if you follow your heart and it leads you to love?”
“I don’t know, say she isn’t a country girl. She wants a life in the city, working and doing the whole corporate world thing. I mean, Mom already lived here.”
He leaned against the truck and studied me. “Talk to me, Jase.”
I dropped my head. “Shit,” I mumbled under my breath. “I messed up, Dad.”
“You messed up how?”
“Taylor. The first time I saw her it felt like the air around me changed. She smiled and I was lost in her eyes. I hadn’t ever seen a girl so beautiful before. Everything about her was perfect, especially the little dimple that only comes out when you really make her laugh. Every time I saw it I had to fight the urge to kiss her.”
Glancing over to my father, he smiled and motioned with his head for me to keep talking.
“I tried like hell to stay away from her.” With a chuckle, I looked at him and asked, “Do you remember when I went to Durango that summer?”
He nodded.
“She was there. I couldn’t believe it when she walked up to me and told me about some stupid bet she was in with her sister and friends. It was almost like a sign or something. Anyway, I ran into her one day back at school and ended up going back to her apartment. Things started to get a bit . . . heavy . . . but she stopped it and dropped the news on me that she was a virgin.”
“Oh God,” my father whispered. “Please tell me you didn’t?”
My father and I had always had such a close relationship. Finally being able to allow myself to talk to him about what was going on was somewhat of a relief. I knew he would listen and not judge me.
“As much as I wanted to, nothing happened. She wanted to stop, so we did. I respected her too much. But then she started talking about her plans after school and how she wanted to be some financial analyst for her grandfather and it hit me. Our lives would never go down the same path.”
With a huff, he shook his head. “Why?”
“Dad, for one, she’s way too good for me. Beautiful, smart as hell, and wants a life in the city. I’m a rancher. My life consists of mending fences, raising cows, and coming home smelling like fucking hell.”
He lifted a brow. “Do you wish you had gone a different route?”
I sighed heavily. “No. I mean at one point I wasn’t sure, but I know this is the life for me. This is the life I want and I would never ask her to give up her dreams to be with me.”
“So instead you told her how you felt?”
“Um . . . not exactly. I ignored her mostly.”
His hands slapped against his face as he made some horrible sounds and dragged them down before dropping them to his sides. “You ignored the girl?”
“Mostly. When I couldn’t take it, I’d send her a text or talk to her just to hear her voice. Dad, I’m no good for her. I fucking woke up with a girl in my bed one night after seeing Taylor at a party. I got so drunk I screwed around with two different women. Who does that kind of shit if they care about someone else? The guilt about tore me in two. I had to tell her about it just to get it off my chest.”
His mouth fell open. “You . . . you didn’t. You told her that?”
I slowly nodded my head. “Well, I kind of left out the fact I had slept with two girls on the same night and mentioned just the one.” He pushed off from the truck and walked up to me and slapped the living shit out of the back of my head. “What kind of idiot did I raise? First off, don’t ever mention the other girl to her. She doesn’t need to know what one stupid drunk night led you to do.” Shaking his head, he asked, “Why in the world would you tell a girl about sleeping with another girl?”
“I-I don’t know! She confuses me!”