the reverend everly thomas
In my time, I made many discoveries previously unknown in the scientific pantheon, for which I was never properly credited. Have I mentioned how dull my peers were? My research dwarfed theirs in importance. Yet they believed their research dwarfed mine. I was regarded by them as a minor figure. When I knew very well I was quite major. I produced eighteen distinct brilliant tomes, each breaking entirely new ground on such topics as— Many apologies.
I find myself temporarily unable to recall my exact area of study.
I do, however, recall that final ignominy, when, after my departure, and before I was propelled here (as I lingered, agitated, in that familiar maple), my house was emptied and my papers lugged into a vacant lot and— professor edmund bloomer
Don’t get worked up, sir.
When you lurch about like that it pains me at our juncture.
lawrence t. decroix
And burned!
My brilliant unpublished tomes were burned.
professor edmund bloomer
There, there. Do you know what became of my pickle factory? Not to change the subject? It stands. Of that, at least, I am proud. Although pickles are no longer made there. It is now some sort of boat-building establishment. And the name of DeCroix Pickles has been all but— lawrence t. decroix
So unfair! My work, my ground-breaking work, went up in a cloud of— professor edmund bloomer
I feel that way too, you know, about my factory. It was so vital, in its day. The morning-whistle would sound, and from the surrounding houses would pour my seven hundred loyal— lawrence t. decroix
Thank you for agreeing it was so unfair. Not many are so keenly discriminating. So intuitively sympathetic. To my work. I believe you would have recognized me for the great man I was. If only we had met! If only you had been the editor of one of the premier scientific journals of my day! You could have published my work. And seen that I got my due. At any rate, I thank you, from the heart, for acknowledging that I was the foremost thinker of my time. I feel some measure of redemption, having been at last recognized as the finest mind of my generation.
professor edmund bloomer
Say, did you ever taste one of my pickles? If you ate a pickle in the Washington area during the early part of the century, the odds are good it was a “DeCroix Ferocious.”
lawrence t. decroix
The jars had a red-and-yellow label, as I recall. And upon each, a drawing of a wolverine in a waistcoat?
professor edmund bloomer
Yes! Those were my pickles! Did you think they were good?
lawrence t. decroix
Very good.
professor edmund bloomer
Thank you so much, for saying my pickles were excellent. Thanks for saying that, of all of the pickles being made in the nation at that time, mine were, by far, the best.
lawrence t. decroix
They were like my work: the greatest in the world at that time. Wouldn’t you say? Can we agree upon that point?
professor edmund bloomer
I believe we can.
I believe we have.
On many prior occasions.
lawrence t. decroix
I hope that soon you will again remind me of how much you thought of my work. I find it touching that you admire me so. And perhaps, someday soon, I will again remark upon how fine your pickles were, if that would please you. I would be happy to do so. You are worth it. You who are so loyal, and admire me so much.
professor edmund bloomer
Strange, isn’t it? To have dedicated one’s life to a certain venture, neglecting other aspects of one’s life, only to have that venture, in the end, amount to nothing at all, the products of one’s labors utterly forgotten?
lawrence t. decroix
Fortunately, that does not pertain to us.
As we have (once again) reminded ourselves: our considerable accomplishments live on!
professor edmund bloomer
The Barons now charged the doorway, bursting between the two men, briefly severing their conjoinment.
hans vollman
Ouch.
professor edmund bloomer
Say, that stings!
lawrence t. decroix
Upon the separation, and again upon the rejoining!
professor edmund bloomer
Sir.
Rev.
eddie baron
We didn’t get to finish.
betsy baron
You rushed us off.
Before.
eddie baron
So.
betsy baron
As I was saying: F—– them! Those f—–ing ingrate snakes have no G——ed right to blame us for a f—–ing thing until they walk a f—–ing mile in our G——ed shoes and neither f—–ing one of the little s—–heads has walked even a s—–ing half-mile in our f—–ing shoes.
eddie baron
Maybe we had too many parties. Maybe that’s why they never come see us.
betsy baron
Them kids was born a shrunken old lady and a shrunken old man who didn’t know the first G——n thing about how to f—–ing enjoy! You know another word for “party”? Celebration. You know another word for “celebrate”? Have f—–ing fun. Make f—–ing merry. So we drank a little f—–ing ale! Had some G——n wine!
eddie baron