“Oh God, thank you so much,” I said.
“If he had any good sense, he’ll have headed into one of the coves for shelter. We’re going to stick close to the coastline, there’s another boat launching just up the bay. We’re coordinating with the RNLI,” he said.
“I don’t know if good sense is his priority right now,” Daniel said. I looked sharply at him. I wasn’t sure three strangers needed to know that.
They nodded before walking away to a boat that was moored beside me. It looked a lot more robust and seaworthy than the small thing Miller was out on.
“Why don’t we wait in the car?” Daniel asked. I nodded.
“They’ll find him,” he said, as he climbed into the passenger seat.
“I hope so. He could sail up here any minute and get cross that we’ve made such a fuss. Can we get arrested for wasting the Coastguard’s time?” I asked.
“I doubt it. And if he did rock up here, I’d kick his bloody arse.”
Blue and red flashing lights reflected in the rearview mirror. I watched as a police car pulled up behind us. For some reason, seeing the police attend seemed to make it feel way more serious than I hoped it was.
We watched as they donned long waterproof jackets and caps before walking to our car.
“Mr. Copeland?” one asked.
“Yes, and it’s Daniel. Thank you for coming out.”
“I think it might be best if we talk in here,” the officer said as he opened the rear door.
Both Daniel and I turned in our seats.
“Lincoln Copeland is your brother, I take it. Can you give me as many details as you know?” He opened a pad as he spoke.
Daniel relayed all the information I’d given him and our concerns for Miller’s welfare. They asked to see the text messages and made notes of the calls Daniel had made to both Miller and the Coastguard.
We couldn’t answer any questions as to what he might be wearing, and I wanted to kick Daniel when he mentioned that Miller might have been drinking and that he had a drinking problem in his past.
“He was late teens, early adult, though,” I said, hoping to allay the fears they were on the hunt for a drunkard.
“I also think I know why he took the boat out,” I added.
Daniel looked at me. I addressed the policeman behind.
“Miller wrote to me, in those letters he talked about his wife. She died of cancer but before she died, he had to cut off her hair. He kept that hair. I think he’s sailed out to throw her hair overboard. She wanted to be a marine biologist, loved the sea. I think he thought it would be fitting to let the sea have that little piece of her.”
“I didn’t know that,” Daniel said quietly.
“Were you close, Mr. Copeland?”
“No, not for the past few years.”
“What state of mind do you think Lincoln is in?” the officer asked, directing his question to me.
“We had a small falling out, but I’m not sure that was the reason for his decision to take his boat out.”
I was desperate to convince them, or maybe it was myself, that he wasn’t in a bad way, even knowing that he probably was.
“I understand there are two lifeboats out, and a few fishing boats scouring the coastline. At this moment, all I can say is to hang tight, here or at home, and as soon as we have any news, we’ll be in touch.”
“If we decide to go home, you have my details, you will call, won’t you?” Daniel asked. I could hear the panic in his voice.
“Of course we will. I’d suggest going home, get back into some dry clothes.”
The police left and sat in their car. I could see one talking on his radio. The windows in our car had started to steam up with the condensation from our clothes; despite the heating on full blast, I still shivered.
“Do you want to head home?” Daniel asked.
“No, do you?”
“I think we should. Come back to my place. I think I need to call Dad.”
“Would the police have checked Miller’s house?”
“I imagine so…I don’t know, to be honest.”
I put the car in gear and we drove slowly towards Daniel’s house without speaking. I found myself feeling sick with worry. And full of regret that our last encounter had been so fractious.
I wasn’t sure if the shivering that had every limb jolting, was from the cold or fear. Daniel had offered me the use of his shower, but I declined. I did, however, accept a pair of dry joggers and a sweatshirt. I used his bathroom simply to change and bundled up my wet clothes. The dry clothes did nothing to stop the ice that seemed to run through my veins.
We sat and drank endless cups of tea, checked our phones on a regular basis, and Daniel called his dad as the sun was rising.
“How did he take the news?” I asked.
“He’s on his way over. I don’t like that he still drives, he really shouldn’t with his condition, but to take away his car is the last bit of independence he has. So far he hasn’t managed to crash it, or worse, knock someone down, but his reaction speed isn’t what it should be.”
“Maybe you should have offered to collect him?” I asked, wondering why he hadn’t done that. I wasn’t sure I’d give news that my brother was missing over the phone then expect my dad to drive to me.
“I know, I should; I didn’t think.”
“I feel responsible,” I said.
“How?”
“I don’t know. If I hadn’t kicked off at Miller he might not be where he is now.”
“I don’t think that would have mattered. It’s that time of year for him, sadly.”
“He said he was going to check in with me over Christmas, I wonder how much of that was for him as well. I missed so much of what he’d said now that I think about it. I feel he was reaching out to me for help, as much as comforting me.”
“You can’t blame yourself. He’s a grown man, Dani, responsible for his own decisions, however poor they are.”
I thought Daniel’s comment was a little harsh and assumed it to be the stress he was under. However, I remembered Miller’s words: he’d said that he didn’t think Daniel had been very supportive when he’d needed him. Daniel wasn’t a bad man; I think perhaps he was also one that wasn’t very good with dealing with emotions when under pressure himself.
I watched him sit on the sofa. His fingers were steepled together, his chin rested on them. He closed his eyes and his mouth moved in a silent prayer, I assumed.
I heard a key in a lock and the front door open. I looked up as the man that I’d met in the cemetery walked in. He gave me a small smile and then turned his attention to Daniel.
“What happened?” he asked, as he shrugged off his jacket and sat in a chair.
Daniel gave him all the information we had. Lincoln senior nodded but didn’t interrupt. I saw his shoulders rise in a heavy sigh.
“I think this might be my fault,” he said.
“I said the same,” I answered.
“No, Dani, I really do think this is my fault. He’s very keen on you and I know about the letters, Daniel told me. I knew who you were when we met, which is why I rushed off. I felt terrible that you might think I was the narrator of the letters, or that you were being deceived.”
“I did, I confronted Miller a couple of days ago.”
“Why do you think this is your fault, Dad?” Daniel asked.
“I told him he had to let Annabelle go. He was stuck, don’t you see? He was actually desperate to let her go, to move on, and I think he hoped he’d be able to form a relationship with you.” The elder Lincoln looked at me.
“But he hardly knows me,” I said quietly.
“He knows you well through the letters, and I think he thought there might be another chance at love for both of you. I told him yesterday that all the time he clung on to Annabelle, that was never going to happen.”
“What do you mean by clinging on to her?” I asked.