Colette spent most of the day keeping us entertained, enough for the sadness that bubbled within me to be kept under the surface, ensuring we had an enjoyable time. We ate, way too much, we drank a little too much, and when the olds dozed on the sofa after the Queen’s Speech, I decided to get some fresh air.
There were some walkers on the beach, trying to counteract the calories they’d eaten, I imagined. I wandered along the cliff until I came to the bench. I sat for a while and just watched the walkers below, and the strangers out on surfboards testing out their Christmas gifts, I thought. Why someone would want to dip their toes, let alone surf in December in Cornwall, was beyond me. I shivered at the thought of the water temperature.
I enjoyed the peace, the cold breeze that freshened my skin and blew the sadness from my mind. Part of me wanted to visit Hannah, the other part wanted to stay as far away as possible. I hadn’t thought much more about the conversation I’d had with Daniel, but I knew I ought to. I should make my mind up on what I wanted to do. There was also Patricia to consider.
Trey had been born in California; he’d come to England many times over his childhood, having a father in the military. It was why, he’d told me, he wanted to study in the UK. Patricia and Dad had been instrumental in the funeral arrangements for Trey and Hannah. I wondered how crass it would be if I offered to cremate him and then send his ashes back to her. Could I pretend he’d always wanted to go home?
The thought not only surprised, but also horrified me. Patricia had always been so wonderful to me, supportive, and the best mother-in-law I could have wished for.
I shook the thoughts from my mind and headed home. Maybe I shouldn’t spend too much time on my own over the festive period, or after a glass of bubbly and a glass of wine.
We finished the day with cold turkey sandwiches. Dad decided to walk Colette back to her house and I sat with a cup of tea. A half hour or so later, I remembered a conversation with Miller. I ran to the kitchen to retrieve my mobile. Sure enough, there were two missed calls and one text message.
Hey, just checking in. How has your day been so far? Miller
I wasn’t sure whether to call or text back. I decided a text might be better in case he was busy.
I’m sorry to miss your call, I guess I’m not used to keeping my phone near me. It’s been great, much better than I was expecting, to be honest. Mrs. Hampton joined us. I went for a walk after lunch, now I’m chilling on the sofa. Dad has walked Mrs. Hampton home, I think there might be a budding relationship going on there! Dani
I’d just placed the phone on the seat beside me when it rang.
“Hi, so you’ve had a good day?” Miller said. For a moment I let his low toned voice just wash over me.
“I have. I didn’t expect to. And thank you so much for the house name plaque. It was a wonderful surprise. I absolutely love it.”
“It was all your dad’s idea. I think it’s a perfect name for the barn. I was very impressed with his research,” Miller chuckled.
“He said he found the wood on the beach, I think it’s just a wonderful idea. I’ve been drifting along for so long, now we both have a home. Or hopefully we both have a home.”
“I’m pretty confident you will. I wondered what you were planning to do tomorrow?”
“Nothing really, I guess. Why?”
“I’ll be at a loose end in the afternoon, maybe you’d like to go for a walk, or something?”
“At a loose end? So your invitation is just to fill in a few hours?” I teased, hoping that he could hear the smile in my voice.
“Yeah, something like that,” he retorted.
I chuckled. “I’d like that, thank you.”
“Great, I’ll call by mid-afternoon, if that’s okay. I can’t say an exact time, it depends on my dad.”
“I’ll be here.”
“See you then,” he said.
I replaced the phone on the sofa and found myself smiling at the thought of spending some more time with Miller. As I rested back, I closed my eyes.
Should I be happy about spending time with Miller?
How long should I grieve before I could move on?
I guessed, it wasn’t as simple as losing my loving husband. Did the fact that he cheated on me, that I hated him so much right then, justify spending time with another man?
What were we actually doing? Was it a date? Or were we just friends spending time together? Was I reading way too much into this friendship?
Those thoughts, and more, ran through my mind. I doubted I’d be able to Google the mourning period for someone in my situation. I took a deep breath in and let it out slowly. I had to stop overthinking it all.
My mobile vibrated beside me, disturbing me. I was certainly popular that day.
“Hello?” I said.
“Dani, hi. It’s Daniel.”
“Hi, how was your day?”
“Really good. We had a great service; you missed some cracking hymn singing. I then had a rather disgusting lunch, consisting of an indescribable meat, boiled to death cabbage, and something I think might have been mash at the old people’s home.”
“I think your day tops mine by miles,” I said with a laugh.
“Anyway, as it is a rather important Christian date on our calendar, and all that, I’m busy tomorrow as well but wondered if you’d have a few hours free the day after? I could do with some younger company and a pint or two.”
“Gosh, I seem to be the fall back, or fill in, go-to person lately,” I said, laughing again.
“I’m not following.”
“Your brother invited me out for a walk tomorrow because he was at a loose end, and you need younger company to get over all the old people, or doing God’s work, or whatever you call it.”
Daniel laughed. “Ah, yes, I guess us Copeland boys aren’t the best at asking a lovely lady on a date.”
“So you’re asking me on a date?”
“Daniella, I’d like to invite you to join me for a pint or two at the local public house the day after tomorrow, for an official date.”
I didn’t answer immediately, and wondered how he knew to call me Daniella. I didn’t recall telling him that was my full name. However, I guessed there was no harm in joining him at the pub.
“Thank you, Daniel, I’d be thrilled to join you.”
I wouldn’t think of it as a real date, I was sure he was just joking. He was a vicar; he didn’t have time to date, did he?
“Now I’m going to get my sloppy joggers on, eat some proper food, like sweets and ice cream, and catch up on all the crap Christmas movies I’ve missed today.”
“It was good to talk to you, see you in a couple of days,” I said.
The front door opened and although I was in the living room, off the hallway, I felt the dip in temperature as a cold blast of air blew through.
“I’m back,” Dad called out. “I’m making a cup of tea, do you want one?”
“No, thank you. If it’s okay with you, I’m going to get an early night. I think all that overeating has exhausted me.”
I followed him into the kitchen and gave him a hug. “Thank you for today. It hasn’t been as awful as I imagined it to be,” I said.
“I did wonder how you’d feel but I thought it was best not to keep asking, to keep reminding you.”
“I feel guilty that I didn’t go to see her, but I just can’t right now.”
“I can understand that. Go on up, get yourself some sleep. Maybe we’ll both take a walk up there tomorrow morning, or another day, whenever you’re ready.”
I hadn’t been back to Hannah’s grave since the day I found out about Trey, and although that was just a few short weeks ago, it seemed like months. Despite my earlier words, and the fact that I’d had an enjoyable day, a wave of sadness washed over me. What kind of a mother was I to ignore my child on what should have been her first Christmas, just because I hated her father?
A little voice popped up in my head—A hurt one, it said.
I was up early the next morning. I guessed the early night had the desired effect, as I felt very refreshed. I sat at the table and decided to write to Lincoln. I hadn’t replied to his last letter and I felt bad as if I’d neglected him of late.