“Don’t you think you had a long day?” Connie questioned.
“I think I feel like a weight has been lifted from my shoulders and for just one night I want to be a nineteen-year-old girl who isn’t mentally ill. I want to be Lacey. Tomorrow I’ll be the girl who goes on lithium,” she said, turning her eyes back to mine.
Sometimes I think God gave me a daughter just to soften me.
“Have fun,” I muttered, as Connie stared daggers at me and Lacey smiled at me.
“Thanks Dad.”
“But Mack goes with you,” I added. “And if you start to feel a certain kind of way you call me.”
“I’ll be fine,” she assured.
“Yeah, you will,” I agreed.
She leaned in and kissed my cheek, then her mother’s and lastly Rob’s.
“Thank you guys,” she murmured hopefully. “I’m going to go get ready.”
I watched her hurry up the stairs and waited until she was out of sight to turn to Connie and Rob.
“You really think going out is a good idea?” Connie questioned as she crossed her arms against her chest.
“I think she’s been cooped up dealing with this on her own for a long time and having one night to be carefree is good for her,” I argued.
“He’s got a point,” Rob chimed in.
“Fine,” Connie said reluctantly. “So you’ll call the doctor in the morning?”
“Yes, get her an appointment as soon as possible,” I affirmed.
“There’s one more thing,” she started, glancing at the stairs again before lowering her voice and continuing. “Blackie.”
“What about him?” I asked as I narrowed my eyes at her, wondering where she was going with this.
“You should call him and tell him what’s going on with Lacey. She cares a lot about him, Jack and whether it’s a crush or not I don’t know but I do know she can’t afford to be confused by her feelings for him.”
“A crush or not? Of course it’s a crush, you going to tell me otherwise?”
“I’m telling you to talk to Blackie and let him know what’s going on. Until we have this under control it’s in her best interest if he stays away from her. She can’t handle having her heart broken when she’s trying to mend her head.”
I remained silent for a moment, processing that my daughter might have genuine feelings for Blackie and wondering what his part in all this was.
“I’ll talk to him,” I ground out before turning toward the door. “Call me if she needs anything,” I added before I walked out the door.
As I started for my bike I grabbed my phone about to dial Blackie when my maker decided to menace me.
I told you but you didn’t want to listen.
You stupid prick, you’re too blind to see what’s been in front of you.
He looks at her differently.
He notices things about her you don’t.
He’s protects her better than you ever have.
He becomes alive when she walks into a room.
How’s it feel motherfucker?
To know I’m right and you’re wrong.
“Everything okay, Prez?” Mack asked, pulling me away from the war inside my head and back to the present.
“Where’s Blackie?” I questioned, the voice of doubt fresh in my mind.
“Not sure. Want me to call him?”
“Can’t order me to protect her one minute and not the next, can’t give me her life, tell me it’s precious then expect me not to put her high on my list of priorities. I’m not made that way and you of all people should know that, understand it, because it’s the sole reason you asked me to look out for her all those years ago…you knew I wouldn’t be able to turn that shit on and off so, don’t ask me to now.”
What the fuck did I do?
I lifted my eyes to Mack’s.
“Nah, I’ve got this,” I hissed.
There’s only one way to shut the motherfucking voice down and that’s hearing the truth. I needed Blackie to tell me my maker was fucking with me. I needed him to confirm he was nothing more to Lacey than Blackie, her protector.
Nothing more.
Because heaven help everyone if my maker was right.
Chapter Thirty
I stared at my house and took another hit of the joint I was smoking. After I saw Lacey across the street from the liquor store I rode my bike for hours, fighting against the need to pick up the phone and call her.
I wanted to hear her voice.
Hear her say my name.
I reached for my phone and saw three missed calls from Jack. I couldn’t bring myself to call him back because the truth was I was resenting the man. How fucked up is that? I was hating on my chosen brother because I fell for his daughter because I broke a code and I couldn’t take responsibility for it.
I already hated myself for my past and needed someone else to hate for my present and my future.
I hated Jack because I wasn’t good enough for his daughter.
I hated Jack because he’d never let me have Lacey.
I hated Jack because he kept her safe.
I hated Jack because I had to give her up.
I flicked the end of the joint into the street, started my bike up preparing to get the fuck out of there and away from that goddamn house, when my phone rang.