But as long as I have a pulse, they don’t give a fuck because their job is to keep me alive so I can pay for my sins. Every inmate sent here, the government pays for, actually the taxpayers pay for. So, you over there with the fat check and nine-to-five job, you’re the one paying for the methadone in my bloodstream right now and the ham and cheese sandwich I’ll eat for dinner but won’t manage to keep down.
I’m close to caving and finding a way to get the drugs I need. People think a man gets locked up, and he’s at the mercy of the state, you become their property…what a fucking joke. You may lose your name and get a number when you get locked up but you can score whatever the fuck you need in jail. The correction officers here are more corrupt than the streets they pulled me from. As long as you give them a cut, you can sell, trade, or steal whatever the fuck you want.
And right now I want a fucking needle and the shittiest heroin I could get my hands on. While I may be able to score drugs, it ain’t the pure shit like I’ve been used to. It’s the bottom of the barrel shit, that’s been cut down to basically nothing but beggars can’t be fucking choosey.
“Petra, on your feet!” The C.O. patrolling my cell block shouted as he rattled his keys, trying to find the one to unlock the bars that confine me. I leaned back on my haunches, swipe my mouth clean with the sleeve of my shirt before standing on my wobbly legs.
“It fucking stinks in here,” he commented as he stepped inside my cell.
I wish I didn’t throw everything up into the toilet, I’d love to fucking bless this prick and his smug face.
“What the fuck do you want?”
“You’ve got a visitor,” he said, twirling his key ring around his finger.
I peered at him, running my fingers through my hair, pushing it out of my eyes and away from my face.
“Let’s go,” he said, leading me out of my cell and down the cell block.
Jack and Wolf showed up at my arraignment but I didn’t pay my brother’s any mind. I wasn’t ready to talk to Jack about business or more importantly what had happened that landed my ass in this mess. I didn’t trust myself with him.
The last couple months I’ve been lying through my fucking teeth to him.
And to myself.
I walked into the visitor’s room and spotted Jack instantly, the patch we worshipped stitched proudly into the back of his cut. I should’ve turned around and denied the visit but I’m a glutton for punishment and man, did I deserve my punishment.
I walked to the table, dropping into the chair in front of my president and slowly lifted my eyes to his.
Get your game face on Blackie.
“Christ, you look like shit,” he growled as his eyes raked me over.
“Good to see you too,” I retorted, dropping my head into my hands because it felt like it weighed more than my neck could hold.
“Are they fucking with you in here?” He asked as he glanced over his shoulders at the correction officers guarding the room.
I spread my fingers across my face and pierced him with my dark eyes.
“Why are you here?” I questioned, wanting the visit to be over before it even began.
“I’m here because you’re my fucking brother. You saved my daughter from getting raped,” he hissed, meeting my gaze as I dropped my hands and leaned back in the chair. “If you hadn’t been there…well, I don’t think I have to tell you, we both know what would have happened.”
Fuck.
Don’t thank me. Don’t fucking thank me.
I didn’t do it for you.
I did it for me.
“She okay?” I asked, tearing my eyes away from him.
It’s been driving me crazy that I left her to deal with the repercussions of that night by herself. She’s all I think about and I’m going mad thinking that prick hurt her before I managed to get to her.
“She’s a fucking mess,” he hissed. “She blames herself for you being in here.”
“That’s fucking ridiculous,” I snapped, turning my eyes back to him. “Make her cut that shit out,” I demanded. “She didn’t ask for that cocksucker to take advantage of her.”
He stared at me for a moment and I held his gaze, watching as the wheels in his head turned round and round.
“Anyone would’ve done it. She was crying, begging for help, anyone with a fucking conscience would’ve done what I did,” I ground out.
Lies.
The truth was, no one would’ve went to the extreme I did, another man, would’ve made sure she was safe and left well enough alone. Maybe he would’ve roughed the son of a bitch up but he wouldn’t have crushed his skull against the ground. Only one other man would’ve done the same as me and I was looking at him.
She was his before she was mine.
“Something came to light,” Jack said finally, scratching the scruff lining his jaw.
I knew the facial expression he was sporting, and I knew it well. He was contemplating his words, choosing wisely and feeding off my expression to see which way he goes.
Don’t let the mental shit fool you.
Jack Parrish knows how to play you.
He’s smart and calculates his every move, backing you into a corner when he’s got something over you.
“Yeah, what’s that?”
Let’s play.