I meet his face as the first of his grief releases. “I should have been there,” he tells me.
He should have been there to protect me he means. I frown, keeping Sol glued to my side. “You’ve always been there for me,” I tell him truthfully. My eyes scan each member of my family. “All of you.”
I mean what I say, trying to make them understand that like Sol, they’re everything to me, and that I appreciate all they’ve done and sacrificed for me―their youngest brother who never kept quiet and always found trouble. Instead I make them release more of their pain, and some of their pride too. But that’s my family. And that’s why I love them.
The thing is, now it’s time to get better, to show them I love me, too. Hell, I owe them that much.
Mostly though, I owe it to myself.
Epilogue
Finn
Ever ride the crazy train and wonder how you’re going to get off? Let’s say me spilling my soul on national television was the ticket on and I got promoted to conductor. Like I thought, social media exploded. Yeah, yeah, there were trolls saying shit I didn’t need to hear or want to know. But what shocked me to hell and back was all the love that came from it.
That’s right, God damn love.
I had kids―some little, some big―calling me their hero. I had emails pouring in from all over the world where fans called me an inspiration and a true champ. But it was hearing from people who told me I gave them courage and hope that really hit home.
The head of Victim Services from the D.A.’s office, someone I’m pretty damn sure Declan is hot for, arranged for me to speak at schools, shelters, and conferences, once it became clear no one was letting the news of my past go. At first, I didn’t want to do it until I saw the impact. A kid came up to me following the first school I visited, telling me he was being hurt at home. He lives with his aunt now. It’s been a hard adjustment. But the last time I talked to him (yeah, we keep in touch) he told me for the first time in his life, he’s not afraid to close his eyes at night.
I always considered myself a fighter, but I never thought I’d actually have a cause―not one like this. Not one that matters so much. It’s good. Who am I kidding? It’s pretty damn awesome. I’m still working on me. Still seeing Mason. Are the bad moments still there? Sometimes. But they aren’t as bad, and the good times . . . yeah, they’ve never been so sweet.
Curran opens the door and pokes his head in from the hall, causing the roar of the distant crowd to fill the locker room. “Finnie, it’s time,” he says.
Jesus, he looks nervous. I tug on my Reebok sponsored T-shirt as Killian’s eyes cut to me.
“You ready?” he asks.
“Yup,” I answer, shaking out my arms, but doing little to shake off the energy bouncing me in place.
“I’m serious,” he says.
“So am I,” I tell him.
His stern demeanor vanishes at the sight of my grin, flashing me one of his own. “Yeah, you are, aren’t you?”
I snag Sol as she hurries up to me, meeting her with a kiss. Hell, I’m not going into my championship bout without a kiss from the best woman I know, and the only one who’ll hold my heart, forever.
“Love you,” she whispers against my ear as she clutches me.
“Cool,” I respond because it damn well is, and because one day soon, I’m going to give her a ring.
She laughs, before racing ahead with my family to find their seats. I march out, Curran and Killian flanking me. A camera is shoved in my face. I keep my head down the entire length of the hall until I step into the arena and the capacity crowd loses their shit.
That’s when I raise my chin, focusing on the octagon and thanking God Almighty that my time has come.
The cage door slams shut behind me as I jog into the octagon minutes later. Killian asked me if I was ready. I told him I was because it’s true. In standing up to fears, taking back my life, and grasping the happiness that for too long has dodged out of my reach, I’ve already won the fight of my life.
But as I look out and face the champ as he enters across from me, and I hear Sol scream, “Go, baby!” from the stands, I have to say, I can’t stop my grin despite the seriousness of this moment.
Yeah. I already won the fight of my life. Now, it’s time to win the next . . .
DEDICATION
To Jamie and Nic for always believing in me.
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
There are many people to thank, including as always my wonderful agent and dear friend, Nicole Resciniti, and my best friend and husband, Jamie. Thank you for putting up with all the crazy and often hilarious. What would I do without you?
To my babies, thank you for your smiles, but most of all for your love and patience. Mommy loves you.