“Are we back?” I ask her, trailing a strand of wet hair away from her face. I’m hoping like hell we are because I’ve never needed anyone like I need Sol.
She smiles softly, causing the drops of water to slide against her cheeks. Even though it appears like she’s crying, I swear to Christ, I don’t think I’ve ever met anyone more beautiful.
She shifts her hands behind me, adjusting her hold around my neck. “We’re back,” she whispers.
I kiss her again like I need to, smiling against her mouth when I pull away. “Let’s get dry,” she says, taking my bottom lip with her teeth and giving it a pull. “And then let’s get to bed.”
She turns, snagging a towel from the rack. We both laugh as she does her best to dry us off. Still, I don’t let her go, and she doesn’t try to get down.
I keep her with me, carrying her naked down the hall and to my room. We flop on the bed, and spend the rest of the night making up for lost time.
“I love you,” she tells me sometime around dawn.
My fingers smooth against her cheek, trailing down her throat and to that spot between her breasts where I press a kiss. I adjust my position against her. “I love you, too,” I say, my eyes searching her face. “And I swear to God, if you let me, I promise to love you forever . . .”
A knock on the door wakes me a few hours later. I pull the sheet at our waists up, draping it around Sol. I don’t expect someone to barge in, that doesn’t mean I’m taking a chance on anyone seeing my girl naked. “Yeah?” I ask, once she’s covered.
“Do you want lunch?” Wren calls from behind the door.
“You’re cooking?” I ask. Shit, I must be worse off than I thought.
“No, dumbass. I’m ordering from Angelo’s,” she fires back. “You want something or not?”
It’s not until Sol laughs against me that I realize she’s awake. “You hungry?” I ask her.
“Starved,” she says, groaning a little. “Thirsty, too, but I’ll just have water from the fridge.”
“Four steaks, some cheese fries, and a calzone,” I yell toward the door. “Sound good?” I ask Sol, lowering my voice.
“Mmm. Real good,” she answers, snuggling against me.
“There’re a few bills in the kitchen drawer―”
“It’s okay, Finnie. I got you,” Wren interrupts.
I don’t miss the relief in her voice. She knows I’m okay. At least for the moment. I can’t deny last night was messed up.
I didn’t have a drink. I didn’t take any shit I shouldn’t have. What I had was an emotional breakdown, one that was probably years in the making. It messed me up, clouded my judgment, and made me take out my pain on those who didn’t deserve it. I’m sorry for everything I did.
Those things I remember, anyway.
The night is still fuzzy. That numbness that had become more friend than opponent latched onto my throat like a whip the minute I saw old man Kessler. It choked me to the point that I swear I couldn’t breathe, or think. And when it snapped, it released all my rage and misery, blinding me with flashbacks.
Did Sol’s absence contribute to my downward spiral? And did her mother’s suicide attempt trigger a lot of shit I’d buried deep? Yes, on all counts. But I don’t blame her, or her mother. I don’t even blame old man Kessler― despite that he gave life to a fucking monster. I’ll admit, his presence did a real number on me. But even if he hadn’t shown, eventually something, or someone else, would have pushed me over the edge.
I know that now.
Sol shifts her body, resting her head against her palm. “What are you thinking?” she asks.
I knead her hip, welcoming the feel of her skin against mine. “That I’m glad you’re here.”
“I’m glad I’m here, too,” she says, playing with the stubble along my jaw. “But what are you really thinking?”
Yeah, my girl knows me. “That I’m really messed up, and that I have a lot of shit to work through.”
Her eyes grow sad. “I know,” she agrees. “Me, too.”
“So let’s be messed up together, and maybe help each other through it.”
“It won’t be easy,” she says quietly. “For either of us.”
“No,” I agree. “But it’ll be impossible alone.”
Her eyes brim with tears, but she manages to smile. “You’re right. I can’t do this without you.” She pauses and sniffs, her eyes travelling over my face. “I really need you, Finn.”
I know what she means. Seeing how I need her, too.
CHAPTER 31
Finn