The messenger had eyes everywhere. He was in my bedroom, in my classroom and in my shower. He had been frustrated when I had disappeared into the janitor’s closet with Noah the year before, because he hadn’t been able to see. We had been cast into darkness—something that he remedied by quickly planting a phone where we had been on the off-chance that we went back.
If I was going to form the bond without the messenger knowing about it, I needed to be spontaneous and I needed to take away his eyes. I needed to cut the lights.
My eyes locked onto Cabe and I nudged Clarin, indicating the direction I was heading in with a tilt of my chin. Clarin nodded and spun on his heel, heading in the other direction. I wove through the equipment toward Cabe, who sat up on the bench that he had been using to lift weights. He had a confused expression on his face and he turned in my direction, his eyes colliding with mine just as the room was thrown into blackness. The fans on the walls stopped spinning, and all around us people ceased their activity. For just a moment, there was complete silence in the room, and then people started using their phones for light, muttering and grumbling to each other.
Over the other side of the room, someone shouted, “Fight!”
I hoped Clarin didn’t hurt himself in the dark, but I couldn’t spare him another thought as the people all started moving toward the commotion, turning their lights that way. Cabe appeared in front of me, tugging on my hand, using it to draw me against him. His hands curled either side of my face, as though he knew exactly what was about to happen.
“You’re looking determined,” he whispered. “Did you cut the electricity?”
I didn’t answer out loud, but nodded my head slightly against his hands. He pulled in a deep breath and when he exhaled, I found that he had drawn closer.
“The generator will kick in soon,” he said, “but until it does, I’ll be honest with you, because I can’t keep it in any longer, and because the darkness might swallow up my words the way I can’t seem to. I’ve watched you kill men twice your size with nothing more than your bare hands and the death in your eyes. I’ve watched you suffer and suffer and suffer even more… but never once did you break as much as you did when Silas traded himself for you. I don’t know if you really are theirs, but I know that you’re important. You’re important, and you couldn’t care less. You wouldn’t have killed those people unless they were threatening you or someone you loved. I know that much about you: you protect the people you love, and you don’t like hurting anybody, even when they’re hurting you. I’ve been watching you for a long time now, trying to keep my distance, trying to figure you out. You haven’t used your valcrick since the accident, have you?”
I was trying to catch up on everything that had just spilled out of his mouth, quietly landing across my lips. I had intended to simply march into the gym and kiss them both while Clarin was causing a distraction and the lights were out, but now Cabe was distracting me, and I was too mesmerized to stop him.
“You haven’t,” he repeated, even quieter now, his lips almost brushing mine, “have you?”
Faintly, I realised that a person had moved into our secret little circle of darkness. I froze in fear, until the brush of knuckles against my spine pushed the thrill of fear from my limbs, replacing it with a pleasant shiver. Noah.
And he wasn’t shouting at me.
“No,” I whispered.
Cabe stayed silent, and though he didn’t look at Noah, he seemed to be aware that the other was behind me because he stepped suddenly forward, forcing me between them. I felt a sharp pang in my chest, and my throat worked painfully around the dryness that spread from my mouth to my throat, sending all of the moisture in my body to prickle at my eyes. I had told Cabe the night before that I would go against the bond if I wanted to, and maybe a large part of that statement was the truth, but sometimes truth and reality weren’t the same thing. Truthfully, I was sure that I could go against the bond. I had successfully kept them at a distance until now, and I might have successfully kept them at a distance for the rest of our lives, but it would also mean carving out a substantial part of myself.
I would have left them behind to guard a part of my dying heart… because that part belonged to them, and them alone. I had also told Cabe that nobody would ever own me, but even that truth was a slave to the larger reality, because I was no longer a whole and wholesome person. There were as many facets and faces to my person as there were hairs on my head, and many of them had grown in retaliation to each of the four guys in my life. Silas had fed the beast inside me, bringing it out from the darkness; Quillan had calmed the broken child inside me, raising me up from the mundane world; Noah had pulled the tenderness right from my chest with his gruff, caveman loyalty; and Cabe… Cabe had taught me to let go.
Perhaps that was the most important lesson of all.