‘I don’t know how he put up with you this long,’ Ellie adds. ‘And then, after everything you have – a successful, smart husband; a daughter – after all that, you’re getting a divorce! It’s always, always, about you.’
I don’t argue. She’s right. How many conversations have we had about her problems over the years? I’ve accepted that she lives alone, never asking if she craves more. We haven’t had a conversation about whether she wants to have children, or how the removal of her ovaries has affected her life. I wondered if she was falling into depression because she rarely left the house – but I never actually asked and I didn’t offer to go places with her. It is always about me. I scoff at someone like Natasha for the mundanity of her life – but mine is a constant invented drama. All the arguments with Dan and Olivia over nothing – and for what?
‘What are you going to do?’ I ask, not sure I want the answer.
Ellie replies with mortifying calm: ‘I’ll tell the police Olivia has been confiding in me during our classes. She was scared of what her mum might do. Her dad’s leaving and her mum fears she can’t afford to be by herself. Her mother’s been arguing with her boyfriend and making threats. She’s been saying, “we’ll always have each other”, and things like that.’
It’s more or less true.
‘People love to believe others are crazy,’ Ellie adds. ‘They say, “You’re mad”, “You’re mental”, “You’re not right in the head” – all that. Look at how erratic you’ve been all week. Not hard to believe you’re going off the rails.’
There’s a horrible, creeping realisation that she’s right. What’s going to happen if the police talk to Peter the receptionist, or Stephen? Or Graham from work? Or Declan? Or Dan himself? All of them will confirm how unpredictable I’ve been. There’s a pattern. I presume Ellie’s orchestrated much of it but that won’t matter.
‘What are you going to do?’ I ask again.
‘Wait and see.’
‘Is Liv here?’
‘Wouldn’t you like to know?’
Tyler mumbles something and I turn to look at him as he slides to the floor. I want to help but I’m not sure what I can do.
‘What did you do to him?’ I ask.
‘He was a late addition. Bit of an accident, really. He’s dropped around a couple of times to pick up Liv after her class. Always seemed like a good kid to me – not that you thought so. You always see the worst in people. He was stomping down the road looking angry the other night. I asked if he was all right and he said you’d been on at him. I asked if he wanted a smoke or drink back at mine. Quick couple of dissolvable painkillers in his beer and out he went. I told you they knock me right out. They did the same for him.’ She pauses and I can imagine her licking her lips. ‘…And Liv.’
She said Olivia was sleeping and I can only hope it’s true and nothing more. I wonder if I can get to Ellie, perhaps wrestle the knife away. The moment I take a step forward, the sandy dust crunches underfoot.
Ellie tells me to stop and I do. Any movements I make are a giveaway. I’m stuck in the corner next to Tyler until she decides otherwise.
‘Have you had Tyler here the whole time?’ I ask.
‘Course not. He was in my basement most of the time. Heavier than he looks, mind. Getting him up the stairs and into the rental car was hard work.’
‘That’s how you got his blood?’
‘Obviously. For a while I hoped the police might latch on. Find the blood on your car, then I realised you’d done a good job cleaning. Had to leave a little more.’
I suppose that explains the little things around the house. Keys being moved, a faked break-in, the missing money. All little bits and pieces to keep me on edge. Ellie waited for me to leave the house and then used her keys to get in and out.
‘I told Tyler I’d kill Olivia if he tried to escape,’ Ellie says. ‘He really does care for her. He’s been as good as gold all week. I guess the sedatives help, but still… Good job the doctor was so happy to dish out the prescription. I was only turning it on a bit to try to get a whiplash claim in. Didn’t realise he’d give me more drugs than a Colombian war lord.’
‘What did you mean when you said you were going to take Liv?’
‘What do you think?’
‘She’s not dead…?’
Ellie lets it hang, taking a while to reply. ‘I’m not going to do anything,’ she says. ‘You’ve already done it. Going off the rails, remember? Erratic. Unpredictable.’
It suddenly dawns properly that it’s her aim to pin on me whatever she has planned for Olivia and Tyler.
I shiver, my words trembling as well: ‘People won’t believe I did any of this.’
‘Really? Not even after Olivia texts her father to say you’ve been acting really weird? That she’s worried about what you might do? Not after your many arguments with Tyler? All the rows with Dan? The blood in the garage? You don’t think that perhaps there’s a speck of blood you might have missed in your car? Did you find his chain? After all that, you don’t think people will believe you could do any of this…?’
She’s right. She was right before that people are desperate to believe others are mad and she’s right about this. I’ve left a trail of destruction around me for seven days and it’s all too easy to believe I’ve lost it.
‘Were you at the hotel?’ I ask.
‘I didn’t think you’d make it so easy. Simply enough to invent Luke and set up an email and website. Suggest a hotel. Took me less than an hour. Keeping track of mobile phones was a nuisance, though. I almost texted you from the wrong one. After that, it wasn’t hard to persuade someone to slip something into your drink. Expensive but easy. There was something cathartic about driving you out to the middle of nowhere and then dragging you into the driver’s seat. The whole time, I was thinking about how you’d done exactly that to my brother. I wondered if it might trigger some memories. A bit of guilt for once. Perhaps you’d own up to your own actions, instead of blaming others?’
I’m silent but I slide myself forward a couple of steps without raising my feet. It’s the only way I can manage to move without making a noise. I can only see Ellie’s shadow but, if she’s in the dark, that means she can’t see much of me either.
‘What I didn’t expect,’ she adds, ‘is that you’d be suspicious of so many other people. You’re so self-centred. It’s been hilarious watching you this week. You even ran over wanting to borrow my car. What is wrong with you?’
I suppose she has me there. Something is wrong with me. There has to be. I leave carnage in my wake. Look at Dan. He’s intelligent with a good job. We’ve created a talented, smart young woman in Olivia – and yet I’ve spent years arguing with both of them.
‘Why go through all the effort?’ I ask. ‘The hotel, the car, the house, Tyler…’
‘Because I wanted you to feel a fraction of the confusion, the anger, the pain, I’ve had of being by myself for twenty years – all because of you.’
Ellie’s shouting now, drowning out the roar of the river with the snarl of her voice.
‘You can’t know what it’s like to have a twin, to share a womb, and have that ripped away. At least you’ll get to feel some of that now.’
‘Where’s Olivia?’
Ellie has crescendoed to a peak of fury but when she speaks next, she’s measured once more – and terrifyingly direct. ‘She’s already dead.’
Chapter Forty-Nine
It doesn’t sound real. I’ve heard what Ellie said but she speaks with such disdain that I can’t take it in.
‘She’s… dead?’
‘Drowned in the river outside by a jealous parent. What a tragedy.’
‘No…’
‘See for yourself.’
It takes a second or two for my legs to move. They’re heavy with fatigue and the burden of everything I’ve done.