Lilly said, “Ro, if you really love him, don’t give up so easily. He’ll come around.” She took a deep breath and let it out. “And if you don’t really love him, it’s for the best, so don’t worry about it.”
Ro lost it, tears rushing down her cheeks. “I cheated on him.”
“I know.”
“He told you?”
“No.”
“Is JD shooting off his mouth?” She wiped her tears with the back of her hand.
“No, not at all.” Lilly made a face. “It’s not that hard to guess what happened. You made Ben happier than I’ve ever seen him. Conversely, now he’s overtly miserable.” A pause. “And JD’s looking a lot happier.”
“Oh God!” Ro buried her face in her hands. “Lilly, I feel horrible. I’d get down on my knees and beg if I thought it would do any good. He won’t talk to me. He won’t answer any of my pleading e-mails or texts. I don’t expect him to forgive me. All I want is a chance to tell him how truly sorry I am—face-to-face. I just want to talk to him.”
“If you know Ben at all, you know he’s not much for conversation. His mind doesn’t work like that. Don’t say something to him, Ro. Do something for him.”
Ro stared at her. “Like what?”
“You should know what’s important to him.” She got up. “I’m not saying it’ll be easy. But that’s what you do when you truly love someone, Ro. You do something . . . even if it hurts.”
Do something for him. Even if it hurts.
Ro doubted that Lilly meant B&D.
She had two choices. She could wallow in self-pity—something that she had mastered at a very young age—or she could follow some sage advice. Wallowing hadn’t done her any good. Might as well try option two.
As soon as she got home from school, Ro went to her bedroom, locked the door, and turned off her phone—which, truth be told, hadn’t been all that busy lately. She flipped open her laptop. In the Google search box, she typed “scientific conventions, Los Alamos” and the date of Ellen Vicksburg’s abduction.
There was a lot on Ellen Vicksburg, lots on Los Alamos, but nothing on scientific conventions. Then she typed in “scientist, physicist, chemist conventions,” and the date of Ellen Vicksburg’s abduction.
Nothing.
Ro tried other combinations: conventions before Ellen’s abduction date, conventions after she was abducted. When that proved fruitless, she tried again but this time she used Katie Doogan’s information. Then she tried Julia Rehnquist and Jamey Moore. She kept at it, passing on dinner and neglecting her homework. At twelve thirty, she gave up, bone-tired and nursing a massive headache from not eating. Eventually, she dropped into a deep and disturbing sleep.
Thank God it was Friday and the friggin’ week was almost over. Once again she ate lunch by herself. This time it was JD who found her. Ro really didn’t want to talk to him or anyone else, but since he and Lilly were about the only two people who acknowledged her, she couldn’t afford to be picky. JD looked good. As always, he had a killer body. But now that football had ended, he’d decided to grow out his sandy hair for baseball season. It softened his rock-jawed face.
“Can I sit?”
“Sure. Why the hell not?”
“Have you given any thought to what we talked about?”
“What did we talk about, JD?” He pointed to her then to himself. “Oh that.”
“Yes that.”
“I’m still working it out.”
“What the fuck does that mean?”
“You told me to work it out,” she sulked. “No need to get nasty.”
“Ro, we’ve got like . . . what . . . four months left. It’s not like you were engaged to the guy or anything.” He was looking soulful. “How can I get you back with me? I’ll do anything you want. I’ve already ditched Lisa and Shannon. I’m just waiting for you to come to your senses. I’m sure Vicks moved on as soon as he dumped you.”
“I wouldn’t know. He doesn’t speak to me.”
He softened his tone. “Look, Rosers, I know you like him. Vicks has a lot to like. But I know him way better than you do, and believe me when I tell you he isn’t ever gonna come around. You can continue waiting for Godot or you could actually have a little fun.” He leaned in. “Remember fun? Laughing, smiling . . . that kind of thing.”
She shrugged.
JD said, “What can I do for you, Dorothy? You want to be cheerleading captain of the squad, I can make that happen. I can get Shannon to step down. Turn on a little charm and she’d do it. She’d do anything I want her to do. You want me to make that happen?”
“Thank you, JD, but I’m fine where I am.”
“Well, how about we go out for dinner and a movie? I’ll take you anywhere you want. We can even see those crappy teen movies where the jock always gets fucked in the ass.”
“The jocks always do get fucked, don’t they?”
“Always.”
“Jocks and the snotty, pretty, popular girl . . . she gets fucked up too.”
“And the obnoxious rich guy . . . which I hope to be one day.”
She laughed. There was something so endearing about him, she almost caved. But for once she decided on integrity. “Thanks for the invitation, but I’m going to pass. I still need thinking time.”
He continued to stare at her. “I shoulda been like this when we were going together.”
“Yeah, you shoulda.”
“See, they’re right. Jocks are fuckups.”
“So are snotty, pretty, popular girls.”
“Can we fuck up together?”
She stood and kissed his forehead. “I like you. You’re a good guy. Keep trying. Even if it doesn’t get you anywhere, begging is good for the soul.”
After school, Ro found Shannon. For the last ten days, she had turned ice cold. Everyone knew that Vicks and she were done, so the logical thing for Ro to do was to go back to JD. But when she hadn’t hooked up with him, Shannon became furious. She wanted JD but couldn’t have him. Ro could have him, but she didn’t want him.
Ain’t life just a bitch!
Shannon looked pert and fit. In a terse voice meant to instill fear, she said, “Practice. Four o’clock, sharp. We’ve got a game on Sunday.”
“I’m not coming,” Ro said.
Her eyes narrowed. “You know the rules, Ro. You miss practice three times, you’re out.”
“Make it two and we have a deal.” A pause. Ro said, “Shannon, I’m quitting.”
“You’re quitting?”
“Yes, I am quitting.”
Shannon got superhuffy. “You can’t do that.”
“Well, then how about this? I’ll miss three times and then you’ll throw me off the squad.”
“You can’t do that!”
“Uh, yes I can.” Ro sighed. “Besides, cheering for baseball is boring.”
“Who are we going to get for the game?”
“Have someone from JV move up. God, you must have a zillion people to take my place.”
“Ro, the game is in two days!”
“That’s not my problem, Shannon. Besides, you’re the last person on earth I’d do a favor for. You told Vicks that I went out with JD. You’re such a bitch!”
“He called me. He was frantic! He was gonna call the police! I felt bad for him . . . more than you did, obviously!” Tears welled up in Shannon’s eyes. “And who the hell are you to be Miss Self-righteous? Playing with one guy while you’re screwing the other?”