“This is going to cost a fortune.”
“Your parents would mortgage the house if they had to. Fortunately, they don’t have to. There should be another letter inside.” George grabbed the envelope from Ben. “Here we go. Work-study. Eighty percent reduction in tuition, room, and board. You’ll need to go by the third week in August, Ben. There’s orientation and entrance exams to determine your level in math and physics. We’ve already sent in your acceptance letter. It’s a done deal. If you pull out now, you’ll expose us all to being charged with fraud.”
“I’ll just say I changed my mind.”
“If you do that, it’s like spitting in Lilly’s face.” George was snorting. “You think about it.” He stood up. “You think about what the people who love you did for you. And when you’re done thinking about it, you get on that fucking plane and make us all proud.”
With that, he left.
Ben had never wanted to go away for college. New situations were torture. He was out of his element at parties and social gatherings. He wasn’t a talker or a good team player. He was a loner who lived in his head. He liked numbers more than words and was happiest when he was by himself with a pencil and piece of paper, working on abstract concepts that had nothing to do with real life.
Then he thought for a moment.
He suspected he had just described a lot of the student body at Caltech.
A class full of Vicksburgs. Now, that was a scary thought.
It was Lilly’s graduation present to him. Under the current circumstances, he had no choice but to accept.
Lilly, Lilly, Lilly.
Why couldn’t she be like most girls her age? Why didn’t she just hang up posters of rock stars, chase boys, shop for makeup, and call it a day? Why did she have to be so much like him?
Chapter 18
Ben kept a diary, so he would remember.
Day One
Ninety-six hours after being viciously attacked, Lilly celebrated her fifteenth birthday by being moved from the ICU to a room in the special-care ward. Her vitals were stable, but she still had a fever and she still needed oxygen and a glucose drip. She hadn’t eaten because she couldn’t swallow, let alone talk. Disoriented, confused, and loopy from the medicine, she needed time to even realize she was in a hospital. She became agitated. She had to be sedated a number of times. She moved in and out of consciousness, her eyes scanning her environment, soaking in whatever she could.
There were so many tests; in and out and in and out. That in itself would tire out a normal person, let alone someone as compromised as Lilly. June yelled each time they took her away. She yelled when they brought her back. Ben had to keep on reminding himself that despite everything, Lilly was making progress. She had some moments of lucidity. And she recognized people. When he talked to her, he was positive that she knew who he was.
Day Two
The nurses liked to keep the number of visitors in her room to two. June was a fixture. George, Haley, and Ben took shifts. Lilly began to have longer periods of consciousness and became aware of her surroundings. At one point, when Ben was visiting her, she was coherent enough to understand that she had neck surgery and couldn’t talk. She lifted her hand and pantomimed writing in the air.
Ben hunted in his backpack and took out a notebook of lined paper and a pencil.
She wrote: ???????
June became paralyzed, but recovered quickly. She told Lilly that she had been in an accident. That her throat had been injured, so she needed to rest her voice and try to recover.
Her eyes narrowed, and Ben knew that look. She didn’t fully believe her mother, but she didn’t argue. She lay silently until she fell asleep. She seemed a bit more peaceful when she slept. That is, until they woke her up to change her dressing.
Dr. Winslow was there. He talked to June. He talked to George. He told them that Lilly was making remarkable progress. Then he patted Ben’s shoulder and told him that he had done a good job.
After fucking it up in the first place.
Day Three
When he arrived at nine, Lilly was up and watching TV. Her fever was down and she no longer needed an oxygen mask. The IV was dripping and she was being fed through tubes, but without the mask, she looked healthier than before, even if her complexion was still wan. George finished up his coffee, stood, and said, “I’m going to go in to work and try to clear my desk for a few hours. You’ll stay with June until I get back?”
“Of course.”
George kissed his daughter’s forehead and Ben took his chair beside the bed. He leaned over the bed so Lilly could see him and she gave him a slight wave. Then her eyes went upward to the TV. She didn’t initiate any contact for a while. Then she picked up a tablet Ben had brought for her, wrote something, and handed it to Ben. What kind of accident?
Her voice wasn’t working but her mind sure was. Ben showed the tablet to June, who was momentarily stymied. Ben said, “Do you remember the ambulance?”
She snapped her fingers and pointed to the tablet still in June’s hands. Her mom gave it back to her.
No.
“Okay. You were in an ambulance and I was with you when they took you to the hospital.”
I remember you.
“Right. I was with you the entire ride.”
She wrote and showed Ben the tablet: What happened?
June blanched when he showed her Lilly’s words. She said, “It was a car accident, Lilly. A very bad accident. We’ll tell you everything once you’re completely better. All that matters is that you get better.”
Lilly lifted her eyes back to the TV. When her mother spoke to her, she refused to engage her. At some level, she knew that June wasn’t telling the truth.
Day Four
Lilly’s eyes were moving back and forth when Ben came into the room. She sensed his presence before he spoke, already writing in her tablet.
What happened?
Her mother was furious with Lilly’s insistence on knowing. She said, “Ben got in a car accident. You’re very lucky to be alive.”
He’d take the blame. Not a problem. But Lilly didn’t buy it.
She wrote: Why isn’t Ben hurt?
“I was hurt.” Ben leaned over and lifted his T-shirt. He had healed sufficiently to have equal amounts of pain and itch, but was still bandaged up. Lilly slowly lifted her free hand and touched the gauze. “I was hurt, but not nearly as bad as you were. Lilly, it was all my fault. When you get better, when you truly, truly get better, I hope you’ll forgive me.”
She didn’t answer, but he could almost smell things percolating in her brain. She looked away and stared at the wall until she closed her eyes and fell asleep. While she napped he went down to the cafeteria to get lunch for June. When he came back, Lilly was up again.
“Hey.” Ben spoke so she knew he was in the room. “Just went to get your mom and me some lunch. Do you mind us eating here?”