I shrug. "Just turned seven. I might have taught her how to punch a boy who was bothering her."
Luke snorts. "I take it she hit him?"
"Yeah. Split the kid's lip."
"They suspend kids for that now?" Luke asks. "You remember when those kids in middle school were harassing Silas?"
I can't help but laugh. "We told them that I went to juvie over the summer for murder and that if they touched Silas, they'd be next."
"You were so unstable-looking anyway, they believed it. Dumb shits."
"Probably should have gone that route with Chloe."
Luke snorts. "Yeah, I'm sure scaring all of the first graders at the elementary school would have been a better choice."
I'm silent for a while. "How did you know you could do it, man?"
"Support your lies about being a murderer?"
"You know that's not what I'm talking about. Be a father. You have Olivia, and now Autumn is pregnant again. How'd you know you weren't going to fuck them all up? It's not like our father was a role model."
Luke takes a long drag on his beer. "I don't know that I'm not going to fuck them all up."
"That's reassuring."
"I don't think you can know. I mean, you're probably going to mess some stuff up. Not everything, though."
"That's optimistic."
"Our father was a role model, in a way, I think."
I let out a bitter laugh. "Right."
"Hear me out. He was a model for what not to do. So I kind of figure, as long as I do the opposite of what he did, I'm probably on the right track, you know? Besides, Autumn's a good mom. It comes naturally to her. So I'm hitchin' my horse to her wagon. I figure, if I don't know what to do, she does."
"Lily's a good mom. A really good one."
"Yeah, well, I figure she's got to be good at dealing with children, since she handles you so well."
"Jackass."
"Stop sitting up here moping around and feeling sorry for yourself. I've seen the way she looks at you – it's how Autumn looks at me. It's the best feeling in the world, man." Luke stands up and sets the beer down on the ground beside his chair. "I have to go. Cade and I are watching the kids so Autumn and June can have a child-free dinner. Don't be stupid, Killian. Go fix it."
"She's real stubborn."
Luke cocks his head to the side and looks at me like I'm an idiot. "So are you, dumbass."
42
Lily
I lie in bed awake, the numbers on the clock on my bedside table glowing blue and bathing the room in an eerie light.
It's none of your business. I was mean to Killian when he was just trying to help. But what the hell did he think he was going to do, clean up the damage by himself? Besides, he was a total jerk.
She told me about the bullying, not you!
The words keep replaying in my head over and over, like a nonstop punch to the gut, because it's true. She didn't confide in me. She confided in Killian instead.
He was trying to help.
No, what he was doing was steamrolling his way in and trying to fix things for me, like he did with Chloe – doing things his own way without even asking first.
He was just trying to help.
The thoughts ping-pong around in my head until I'm too exhausted to think about it anymore.
My mother was almost as devastated about the flooding in the bakery as she was by the fact that she wasn't going to get to meet Killian when my parents picked up Chloe.
"I don't think it's too much to ask that I meet the man who's spending time with my grandchild, do you?"
"Not now, mom. Another time."
Probably not ever.
Part of me wants Killian to call me, tell me he was a dumbass who put his foot in his mouth and that he didn't mean that I was a defective mother. I know he didn't mean it like that – at least, some part of me understands that.
The other part of me says, screw that. He's bossy and controlling and I don't want some misogynistic brute barging into my life and trying to run it.
Especially when I know from previous experience that I can't trust anyone except myself. Adam taught me that.
I'm overwhelmed. I've been dealing with the water damage in the bakery all week, and I feel like it's hopeless. The landlord was apologetic, and the tenant fortunately had insurance. But the bakery will still be closed for months.
I feel like I've worked so hard the past few months, just to see things go up in smoke.
Or get washed away.
"Thank God you're here. Did you bring me real coffee? None of this rehab shit. What they have here is swill, I'm telling you. They're trying to kill me, you know that, don't you?"
"If only it were that easy to kill you," the nurse says, giving Opal a look. "Maybe you should stop running your mouth so much and work on your rehab exercises and then you could get out of the rehab center and stop bothering me."
Well, that's just unprofessional. Are nurses allowed to talk to their patients that way? I think my mouth is hanging open.