“Because your house is a precious thing you’re weird about, so they need to be very careful not to get anything sticky.”
Cricket grins at me, and I wonder if she’s planning something. I imagine her wiping sticky shit all over my walls. Taking a deep breath, I remind myself I have the place cleaned daily, and the maid is perfectly capable of removing child residue.
“I’m not worried,” I lie.
Candy still looks nervous while Cricket looks devious. Chipper is focused on the gnomes in the yard.
“Cool trolls,” he says to me.
“They’re gnomes, and my mom bought them for me before she died.”
“I like my mom too,” he says.
Feeling on the spot, I exhale hard. “Let’s go inside.”
I take them through the large foyer and down a long hall to the living room/kitchen/dining room combo.
“You really like TV,” Cricket says, staring at my 90-inch flat screen.
“Yes, I do.”
“Can we watch TV?”
“You can watch TV at home,” Candy says instantly.
Cricket peels her gaze from the TV and stares at her mother. “What are we going to do while you kiss Hayes?”
“I brought multiplication practice sheets in case you get bored,” Candy says, staring back at her daughter.
Cricket shakes her head. “I’m not bored and never will be.”
“Good,” Candy says and then looks at me. “You have a beautiful house, boss.”
“Beautiful?”
“I mean impressively massive and manly.”
A few minutes after we arrive, Chef Jerry from the restaurant arrives. He gives Candy a big, nervous smile when we join him in the kitchen.
“Tell him how you want your steak and what the kids want,” I tell Candy, who frowns at Jerry’s huge smile.
Candy gives Jerry very specific instructions for the food. I swear she’s messing with him, but she only smiles at me.
“Does this house have bedrooms?” she asks, once she’s done tormenting Jerry.
“Yes.”
“Are the guest rooms away from the master?”
Understanding her meaning, I smirk. “Actually, they are. Let me show you.”
We glance at the twins sitting on the couch and staring at my multifunction remote control.
“It’s as big as my arm,” Chipper says in wonder.
“Nightmare is in the backyard if you want to play with him.”
They look to their mother who shrugs and opens the back door. The kids hurry outside and stand on the patio in the darkening night. The dog doesn’t appear until they call his name. Then he barrels out of a hidden part of the yard where he lies in wait for people. I smile at their squealing reaction to his appearance.
“He’ll keep them safe.”
Candy walks with me down the hallway to my bedroom. “I have four spare rooms on the other side of the house. I use one as an office. Two are empty. One is a guest bedroom for the zero number of people I have visit.”
Candy says nothing until we enter my room with my massive bed in the center of the room.
“Wow! So this is where you masturbate while thinking about me.”
Laughing, I smack her ass. “I use the shower too.”
“Oh,” she says, peeking into the bathroom. “The whole place smells like you.”
“Is that your way of saying your panties are wet?”
“No,” she mumbles and hurries to the bed. “Why is it in the middle of the room instead of against the wall? Do you make porn films in here?”
I watch Candy crawl on the bed before she decides to bounce on her knees.
“Good springs,” she says, giving extra bounce to her tits. “Yeah, gotta have quality springs.”
“Are you having fun?” I ask, crossing my arms.
“Why did you bring us here?”
“I have my reasons.”
“Are they top secret?” she asks, resting on her stomach and swinging her legs. “Like your personal porn films.”
“Don’t get your dirty shoes on my clean bed.”
“Can I get other dirty parts on your clean bed?” she asks, humping a pillow. “Oh, Angus’s bedding, don’t stop.”
Laughing, I walk over and yank the pillow free from her thighs’ death grip. “Knock it off.”
“Not until you tell me why you brought us here.”
“What’s the big deal?”
Candy rubs her boobs on my comforter. “You’re the weirdo who never invites people to his house. You made this a big deal so tell me why.”
“If I do, will you stop sexually harassing my bed?”
Candy sits up and shakes her head. “Sexually harassing? That’s big talk from an employer who wants his assistant to suck him off at the office.”
“I only ask because I know you’ll say no.”
“One day, I’ll try. Maybe as an old woman with a death wish.”
“I would never kill you.”
“I’m not worried about you. It’s the boa in your pants that terrifies me,” she says, wiggling her eyebrows.
Candy takes another pillow and begins making out with it. I cup her head and force her lips on mine. She tosses the pillow aside and grips my shirt.
Candy pries her lips away and whispers, “Why are we here?”