“You had me,” I point out, because we were still together.
She shakes her head. “No, I didn’t. You were here. My grandmother pretty much cut ties with me. I was traveling the world, and I had no one. I was scared and lonely. I had you by phone, and you supported me, Coop. I know that. But at the end of the day, I was alone. And do you know what happens to someone who spends that much time with just herself?”
I’m entranced by her words. They’re hard with a brittle edge, almost like they could shatter. I want to know the answer, but I don’t. Still, I ask, “What happens?”
“I adapted,” she says tonelessly. “I learned to rely only on myself. My world was just me. It was the price I paid for following my dreams, and it’s a hefty price. It makes you guarded and skeptical. The world turns yellow, as if my nature was completely jaundiced.”
I don’t even know what to say. While I’ve tried to put Eden out of my mind and eventually did as the years passed, I just assumed she led a charmed life. I assumed she was a princess among commoners and had everything her heart desired.
Eden leans into me. “I’m going to admit something to you that I’m deeply ashamed of.”
My entire body stills, because this was not what I expected when I asked about Brad. I know Eden and I still have a deep connection. You don’t share the intimacies we just did today without a strong connection and trust of each other. I realize that was always there. But the fact that she is ashamed of herself immediately sets me on edge.
“Eden…you don’t have to—”
“You asked what the deal was with Brad, and I’m going to tell you,” she says adamantly. “The truth is, I settled when I accepted his proposal. I didn’t think I’d get offered anything better. We’d only been together six months when he proposed, and even though I had something inside of me saying it was too soon, I ignored it. I grabbed on to that ring, because I was tired of being lonely. I was tired of shouldering everything in my life. I wanted someone I could rely on, and rant to, and share my joy with. I wanted someone to tell secrets to and who could give me some sort of security. I needed that security because being without it for so long was absolutely draining. I accepted Brad’s proposal because I was just plain tired.”
Jesus fuck…I can’t even process this.
My only experience with love was with Eden fourteen years ago when I didn’t know my head from my ass. So I don’t know much about it, but I know it shouldn’t be like that.
“I was crying,” Eden continues in a voice that’s filled with self-loathing, “because that little bit of security he gave me was better than anything I’d had in a very long time, and it was gone. I was alone again.”
There’s a lot to take away from Eden’s secret she just told me, but the thing that seems to ring out like huge, golden marquee letters announcing a revelation to me is that Eden wasn’t in love with Brad. I think he was many things to her, but he wasn’t her soulmate. Not in her heart, anyway.
Not in his either, or the fucktard wouldn’t have cheated on her.
My hand drops from the back of the booth to palm Eden’s cheek. I’m going to lean in and kiss her so she doesn’t feel lonely in this moment. It’s an act of intimacy I’ve never shared with any woman but Eden.
The act of comfort.
But instead, two plates of meatloaf are unloaded onto the table with Bonnie saying, “Here you go, honeys. Enjoy.”
Eden blinks as if she’s rising out of a stupor and pulls back from me. I turn and smile at Bonnie. “Thanks. Looks great.”
“It sure does,” Eden says, and once again, her voice is smooth and polished…overly bright. I think it’s an act, as she’s still not quite sure she’s back on good terms with people, and she just admitted to me she was going to marry a guy for security. The Eden I knew who was self-sustaining, independent, and adventurous would think that was a tremendous character flaw to have developed.
But I let it go for right now because we have meatloaf to eat, and a diner isn’t a place to get into a deeper discussion about this.
Chapter 13
It’s time to reevaluate my life—with peach sherbet cupcakes…
Eden
The ringing of my phone brings me out of a dead sleep and I raise my head from my pillow. My hair is knotted and hanging in my face, so I push it away while I reach over to the nightstand to grab my phone. It’s seven thirty in the morning.
I see that Colleen’s calling me. Coop has kept me up most of the night doing deliciously dirty things to me. I am in no mood to talk to Colleen, so I hit the button to send it to voicemail.
Speaking of Coop, I push myself up in his bed, bringing the sheet up over my naked breasts as I look around. Almost as if it was planned, he comes walking out of the bathroom with a towel around his narrow hips. His hair is washed but he didn’t shave, and I really, really love that dark shadow of stubble. He didn’t have that when we were younger.
“Morning, sunshine,” he says all bright eyed and chipper.
My voice is froggy with sleep when I return, “Morning.”
Coop grins at me and crawls onto the mattress. My eyes inadvertently drop to the gap in his towel before popping back up to his face. His grin widens as he leans over and kisses me. His breath is minty and I hate that mine is probably rancid, but he doesn’t seem to care. I run my fingers through the long mass of tangles in my hair, trying to make myself more presentable.
“I’ve got to run out and handle an emergency irrigation issue,” Coop says as his hand comes up to finger the edge of the sheet covering my breasts. His eyes drop there as well. “Probably take me about an hour.”
“On a Sunday?” I ask.
“Problems don’t happen only on weekdays,” he quips.
“Okay,” I say with an understanding smile. I watch him still staring at his finger as it runs along the edge of the sheet. His eyes are hooded and warm, and I know exactly what he’s thinking. “So get going.”
His gaze travels up slowly and he gives me a wicked grin. “It’s not that big of an emergency. I don’t have to run right out of here. I could…say, for example…crawl back under the covers with you for a little while.”
I giggle and push at his chest. “I need a break. You kept me up all night.”
God, did he keep me up all night. He was insatiable, but then again, so was I. If he wasn’t reaching for me in the dark, I was reaching for him. One time I’d drifted off to sleep, only to wake to find him in me, slowly thrusting from behind. Damn, it was so amazing. He’s amazing. Both different and the same, but both amazing.
“Can’t get enough of you,” Coop growls low, and lowers his head to skim his lips over my collarbone. I have to struggle not to push the sheet down and demand he go lower.
“I’ll be here when you get back,” I assure him. Preferably after a long, hot bubble bath and a thorough scrubbing of my teeth.