“And I promise that I will get help for my disorder so that I can someday be a part of your lives.”
Oh. So that was what this was about? She wanted to be a part of my baby’s life. Hell no! My knee-jerk reaction, to ensure she disappeared down a deep, dark well, melted away as I saw her eyes begin to tear. There it was again—that look in her eyes that told me she hated herself more than anyone in this room could possibly hate her.
“I, uhh…” I didn’t have the right words.
My mother stepped in. “When you’re ready, the door will be open.”
That had been a bit too generous. I would’ve gone for something more like, We’ll not spit in your face when you enter a room.
I flashed a disapproving look at my mother.
My mother shrugged. “She just lost her only grandchild. Have a little heart, Lily.”
Okay. Now I was back to feeling guilty again. Dammit! Why couldn’t I pick an emotion and stick with it? Everything was so complicated.
“Thank you,” Maxine said humbly.
I bobbed my head, feeling thoroughly ransacked on an emotional level. So, true to my nature, I turned my focus to work. Max obviously had a horrible family situation to deal with, the employees at LLL were about to lose their shirts if someone didn’t step up, and I needed to get everyone the hell out of my apartment so I could catch a breath and talk to Max. There was much to discuss, but the more immediate issue was the sinking LLL ship.
I was about to politely ask everyone to leave, except for Max, when Patricio’s mother chimed in.
“Then there is only one last thing to settle,” Bibiana stated.
“Which is?” I asked.
“Who are you going to marry?” she asked with a sharp tone.
My mouth dropped open. It was pretty uncool of her to put me on the spot like that, especially since everyone already knew the answer. Patricio didn’t deserve to have the knife twisted in his heart.
I glanced at Patricio, expecting him to step in and tell his mother that now was not the time, but I found him staring at me expectantly. He crossed his arms over his chest.
I looked at Max for help, but found him looking down at me with a cocked eyebrow as if to say, Well? We’re waiting.
I glanced at my mother, and even she had a look of eager anticipation in her eyes. “Lily,” my mother scorned, “you are pregnant. And everyone in this room is emotionally vested in this. You will settle this right now so everyone can get on with their lives.”
“Exactly,” Max said. “If you’re planning on marrying someone else, I’d rather know now. Either way, I plan on being a part of the baby’s life.”
I went back to looking at the two men, realizing they still believed they were competing to marry me. Not true. I saw Patricio more as a friend, which I’d already told him. In my mind the question was about whether I could move forward with Max. So really what I saw were two different choices, two different lives I could live. One, without Max, would probably mean I’d eventually settle down with someone like Patricio, someone I felt safe and comfortable with, but did not love in that all-consuming, terrifying kind of way because there could only be one Max. I’d stick with my shop, raise my child alone and probably be just fine. A life with Max meant taking a giant leap of faith. A life with him terrified me.
What terrifies you is losing him again. Or what if he simply got tired of me? I wouldn’t survive another heartbreak like that.
I groaned and rubbed my hands over my face. I had to stop allowing that fugly voice to fill my head with doubts. Max did love me. He had made mistakes, but so had I. And everything he’d done since we’d met showed me he’d never wanted anyone like he wanted me, and that included when my face looked so unattractive that not a single man had ever touched me. He’d seen beyond my appearance and fell in love with me. The real me.
Ha! Fuck you, fugly. I win.
I lifted my chin, turned to face Max, and smiled. “I choose you. But I’m not ready to get married.” There was all of this emotional rubble in the way and it would take time to clear it out.
Max’s expression turned all gooey warm. “I love you, Lily. You have no idea. And we can definitely discuss marriage later in a more private setting.” Max smiled, and I knew the look in his eyes meant he was not going to let me off the hook so easily.
And he can sell ice to an Eskimo. I sighed. I did love him. So much it hurt.
“You are really choosing that son of a bitch over me?” Patricio growled.
Uh-oh. Here we go again. I prepared to step between them, but when I looked at Max, I realized I wouldn’t have to. He was perfectly calm.
My man.
“Patricio!” his mother barked. “Leely has made her choice, and you will take it like a grown man.” His mother dipped her head. “It was a pleasure meeting you, Leely. I wish you both much happiness. Come, son.” She marched out and Patricio followed, but right as he reached the door, he looked back at me with sheer hate in his eyes.