Okay. I did love them both, but in entirely different ways. Patricio was like a best friend, and he was handsome and fun. He felt like the man I should want to marry, the safer choice for my heart. I also believed that our love could grow over time and that he would make me happy. My love for Max felt like riding a roller coaster without any restraints or seatbelts. Our passion was intense, consuming, and dangerous. He could suck me in so deeply and quickly, but he could also break me. Regardless…
“I can’t love a cheater, and I can’t love a man who,” I searched for the correct words, “who makes the people I love feel like garbage.”
John understood exactly what I meant. “We both know Max’s heart doesn’t match up with his brain. You can’t blame him for that any more than you can blame me for being in a wheelchair.”
How could John be so compassionate? And so right? Max’s disorder wasn’t who he was. It was an involuntary behavior.
He continued, “And Patricio seemed very adamant that he’s a victim of that tabloid bullcrap. I think you’d understand something like that.”
I sneered at John, who was once again completely right. “So what are you saying?”
“I think you should let them show you what they’re really made of while you figure out which is the right one.”
“And?” I asked.
“And let them believe you’re pregnant.”
“I can’t do that.” We weren’t on some stupid sitcom. I was a grown woman who owned and ran a business that would be in serious trouble if I didn’t find a way to pick up sales. “I don’t have time for games.”
“Lily, let’s be honest. Neither of us have had it easy. And given who you are and what you’ve been through, you deserve a man who will make you happy. I can’t think of a better way to flush out their intentions than a baby.”
True. Maybe. I didn’t know. “That is so, so wrong.”
“Is it?” he asked with a sly smile.
“Uhh…yeah. And it could have the opposite effect. Some men marry their pregnant girlfriends out of guilt.”
“Or they run for the hills, which is something you’d want to know now. You are planning to have kids, right?”
I shrugged. “Eventually.”
“Then the only thing you’re doing is preventing a disaster. Let them believe the lie and let them prove to you that they’re the right guy. Better to know now before there’s an actual baby.”
Fuck. This was so deceitful. Then again, Max always accused me of lacking the backbone to go after what I really wanted, even if it called for some ugly decisions. Also, in the case of Max, part of my reluctance to be with him had to do with the question surrounding what sort of father he might be. Still…
“I can’t,” I replied. “It’s cruel to play around with people’s emotions that way. I’m going to tell them tomorrow.”
“I think you’re making a mistake. Because you can’t tell me, without a doubt, that either of these guys really deserves you, Lily.” John reached out and grabbed my hand.
“Thank you, John. You’re a real turd, but I love you anyway.”
“You’re a woman-dick, and I love you more.”
I laughed. “I know you do, which is why I need you to back off. And to stop punching my ex-boyfriends in their penises.”
John wheeled to the door. “Never. Call me later.”
I watched him leave. Thankfully the paparazzi had followed Max and Patricio, who had probably kept up their bickering and given them a nice show. All was quiet on my doorstep again. For now. But something told me my life was going to get fuglier before it got better. I still had a failing business to deal with and a mess of a love life, the worst part being that I didn’t really know where to go from here. A first for me.
Hey. At least I’m not pregnant.
Saturday morning, I awoke in my full-sized bed with a delicious stretch and yawn. A good night’s sleep really made a world of difference. So had a big salad and heaping bowl of spaghetti for dinner last night.
“Good morning, honey,” said a deep voice.
Huh? I whipped my head to my right and found Max tucked into bed beside me. “What the hell are you doing here?”
“Hey, don’t ignore me, principessa!” Patricio’s deep voice radiated from my left.
“Gah! What the hell?” I scrambled to the foot of the bed and hopped out.
“Lily,” said Max in a domineering tone, “get back here this minute. We are going to take turns making love to you so you can tell us who is better.”
Patricio nodded. “Si. I must know who is the best fuck, Lily. This is the only way to settle things.”
Holycrazyexboyfriends! “Get out!”
Max shrugged, looked at Patricio, and they started making out.
“Shit!” I rocketed into a sitting position from my bed, my body covered in sweat. Dear Lord. That had been the weirdest dream of my life.