“Thanks for that, El,” he said gruffly. “Helps to know he’s remembered so fondly by everyone.”
“We loved him very much. But . . .”
“Ah, I knew there had to be a but coming . . .”
“He would hate, absolutely hate, if his death ruined your life. I didn’t know him anywhere near as well as you did, but I know that much for certain.”
His deep sigh served as his only reply.
Ella forced herself to continue, to get this out so they could move on from here. “No one will ever take his place for you, and there’ll be a hole in your life where he should be for as long as you live. Living half a life doesn’t honor your brother’s memory, Gavin. It would make him mad as hell that you aren’t taking full advantage of the years you got that he didn’t to live for both of you.”
“Sounds to me like you’ve been thinking about this for a lot longer than tonight.”
“I have. You know when something happens and you think of the perfect retort after the fact?”
“Yeah.”
“That always happens to me after I see you. I think of what I wanted to say the next day or the next week.”
He released her hand and cupped her face.
Ella waited breathlessly to see what he would do next. She didn’t have to wait long.
His lips came down on hers, soft and sweet and persuasive. “Everything you said is absolutely true.” Another kiss. “He would be mad as hell at me and wouldn’t hesitate to say so. And he’d tell me to get my fucking hands off you and go sleep on the sofa.”
“He would not.”
“Yes, he would. I had a little thing for you way back when.”
A blast of anger took her by surprise. “Don’t say that. Don’t start rewriting history.” She tried to pull away from him, but he wouldn’t let her.
“I’m not rewriting anything. When we were in college and Caleb was hot and heavy with Hannah, I wanted to ask you out. But you were still in high school, and Caleb told me to leave you alone. He said you were far too young and sweet for the likes of me, and he was right about that.”
“No, he wasn’t.” It was infuriating, all these years later, to realize that he’d had feelings for her, too.
“If I had to bet, he was concerned that if I screwed things up with you it would screw things up for him with Hannah. He threatened me with bodily harm if I so much as looked at you.”
“I can’t hear this. I . . . I just . . . I should go.” Before she could make a move to leave the bed, he had her secured to the mattress with the weight of his big body on top of hers, his erection pressed into her belly.
“Don’t go. Please don’t go.”
“All this time, Gavin.” Ella was on the verge of tears that she held back by closing her eyes tightly. “I can’t bear to think of what might’ve been.”
“We’re together now. We have right now and tomorrow and the next day and a fresh new opportunity that I’ll do my best not to royally screw up.” He kissed her again, more intently this time.
Ella wrapped her arms around his neck and opened her mouth to his tongue. Her emotions were all over the place, but when he kissed her so passionately, she couldn’t think of anything but right here and right now with the man she’d craved for so long. His kisses set her on fire. She curled her legs around his hips, seeking relief for the ache that grew with every sweep of his tongue.
Seeming to sense what she needed, he rocked against her. Then his hand was between them, unbuttoning the shirt of his that she wore.
She should stop this before it went any further. Neither of them was in any way prepared for this to happen, but she couldn’t bring herself to stop it. Not when she’d wanted him so badly.
Without missing a beat in the kiss, Gavin pushed the two sides of the shirt aside and brought his chest down on hers, making Ella moan from the bliss of his chest hair brushing against her tight nipples. This was insanity. She wanted him more than she’d ever wanted anything in her life.