He nodded but didn’t say anything. Jessie was relieved that he didn’t want to delve into their complicated feelings. As she looked him over, she instantly remembered that their kiss would soon be replaced by April’s. Even if Kai didn’t initiate the act, Jessie was positive April would. Her eyes started to water and blinking, she quickly looked away.
His hand came out to rest on her arm, and Jessie peeked up at him. His unbelievable eyes flicked over her face, worried. “Are you sure you’re okay with this?” he whispered.
Jessie watched this man before her, a man about to go off and have an amazing night with one of her best friends. A friend that Jessie knew really liked him. Hating how hard the situation they were in was, hating that she had to share him with another woman, and hating that she didn’t want to share him at all, Jessie swallowed and slowly nodded her head. “Yesterday only goes to show that you and I need this buffer between us.” Her voice cracked a little on the word buffer.
Her voice cracked on the end of her sentence, and Kai’s eyes narrowed at hearing her pain. His hand shifted to her cheek. “Are we okay?” he asked, more intently than before. Searching her eyes, he stepped closer to her. “Please tell me we’re okay, Jessie. Seeing April isn’t worth it to me if we’re not okay.”
Jessie brought her hand up, resting it over his. Of course they were okay. They were too okay, that was the problem. They were perfect for each other. Perfectly matched, perfectly balanced. But they couldn’t be anything more than what they were—cousins. Peering up at him, she answered, “You and I are always okay, Kai, no matter what. That’s part of being family.”
Kai silently studied her; his face was so torn it broke Jessie’s heart. Pulling his hand from her cheek, she nodded and forced a smile. He had to do this. He had to leave with April, and he had to try to make a connection with her that would break this thing between the two of them. He had to…or they’d eventually cave into this passion, and then they’d hate themselves.
Letting his fingers fall away from hers, Kai nodded. As Jessie took a step away from him, April skipped back into the room. Opening her purse, she dug inside and pulled out her car keys. Giving Kai an admonishing look, she pointed the keys at him. “We’re taking my car this time.” She grinned as she glanced at Jessie. “No more helmet hair for this girl.”
Kai let out a weary sigh as April grabbed his hand. She waved goodbye to Jessie, then opened the door and yanked Kai through it. Before he completely disappeared, he looked back at Jessie, watching them leave.
“Goodnight,” he softly said.
Words not possible, Jessie could only nod. The door closing separated Kai from her vision, but Jessie couldn’t move to a window to watch him leave. She couldn’t move at all. She just kept staring at the door, waiting for him to come back. Waiting for him to tell her that he couldn’t go off with April. Waiting for him to say that he was hopelessly, madly in love with her. But she knew he wouldn’t do that, even if he did feel that way. He wouldn’t do it because he had told Jessie he was going to try with April. Because neither one of them were going to willingly give into this taboo feeling that was escalating between them.
No, because he deeply cared about Jessie, Kai was going to make himself see another woman. As the sound of April’s car starting filled Jessie’s ears, she finally found the strength to move. She shuffled off to bed, collapsed onto it, and buried her head under the covers. And even though she tried to block out the image, all she could think about was Kai dancing with April—his hands on her body, his fingers running up her back, and his lips lingering over her mouth.
Her stomach hurt by the time she finally passed out from exhaustion.
Jessie smiled at the sight of her grandmother doing a small dance for her. The old woman was flapping her scrawny arms and shuffling her feet in a loose interpretation of the world famous chicken dance. Jessie knew Grams was trying to convince her that she was completely healed, that she didn’t need Jessie and Kai dropping in on her all the time. Jessie heard this every time she checked on her, about every other day ever since her grandmother had injured herself four weeks ago.
Jessie giggled as she watched her grams strut her stuff around the living room. She was humming to herself, thoroughly playing up the healthy and vibrant image that she wanted Jessie to believe. Jessie knew she was tough, but she saw the occasional flinches of pain in her jaw when she shimmied her hip the wrong way.