“I’m fucked up, Chloe. I don’t know how long it will be before I finally get a grip on the shit that messes with my head and screws with my emotions. I know I have a shitty temper. I’m not funny or easygoing. I’m trying to be better, though. I want to be better. For you. For us. I need you.” His teeth clamped down into a grimace and his brow furrowed. “I can’t get you out of my fucking head. I know it sounds crazy but I’m not going to deny it or play it down. I knew that first night we were together that I’d never get enough of you. I do love you, Chloe. I’ll do whatever it takes to prove it to you.”
Emotion clogged her throat. A flush rose to Chloe’s cheeks and all of the breathable oxygen seemed to be sucked from the room. She leaned into Nate’s touch. She couldn’t help herself. The heat was a balm on her skin. With a trembling hand, she scooted the check over to him. “This will always be between us, Nate. I want you to have this money. Have wanted it for you all along. But after everything that’s happened—everything I know now—you’ll always wonder. I’ll always wonder. And we’ll grow to resent each other because of it.”
“What are you talking about?”
“I don’t want to be bought, Nate. And you don’t want to be with someone who would allow herself to be.”
“Now who’s being stubborn?” A deep crease cut into his brow above the bridge of his nose. “You convinced me to keep this damned money, and now you’re refusing to let me spend it the way that I want?”
“Can you really say that in the back of your mind you won’t always wonder if I’m with you because of this check? Because I feel obligated somehow?”
“No,” Nate said solemnly. “I know you, Chloe. I know you wouldn’t put yourself in that position.”
“You didn’t think so the other night.”
He let his hand drop from her face and pushed himself to stand. “You know why I freaked out the other night.”
She didn’t want to tear open wounds that were best left to scar. It wasn’t fair to Nate or to her. Fear prompted her to do so. Chloe was afraid of the way he made her feel. The intensity of emotion he evoked in her. She was afraid that they’d never settle into a rhythm and their relationship would be spiked with highs and lows that would make them both miserable in the long run.
What scared her most was that despite all of her fears and doubts, Chloe wanted him more than she’d ever wanted anything in her entire life. The world melted away when Nate was near. She had so much on her plate right now. The foundation and now Derrick. Could she balance having Nate in her life and still maintain everything else?
“Derrick is staying with me,” Chloe said. She didn’t know why she blurted it out like that, maybe because she wanted to give Nate the opportunity to change his mind about wanting to be with her.
“I know,” he said.
“How?”
“Saw the little man in the lobby. I sent him out for ice cream. I love your big heart, Chloe. I love how much you care. Nothing you say is going to scare me off.”
“I’m scared,” Chloe whispered.
“I’m fucking terrified,” Nate said. “The thought of not being with you terrifies me.”
“I—I need some time.” Chloe couldn’t make a decision about what she wanted right now. There was too much going on. She needed to think everything through. Process what he’d said to her.
“I can give you that,” Nate said. “I can give you anything you need.”
Nate stood and headed for the door. Emotion tugged at Chloe’s chest, as though Nate was about to take her heart out that door with him. “Nate, you should take the check. I meant what I said. Whatever happens, I don’t want this money between us.”
He turned around and strode to her desk. With his palms braced on the glossy surface, he leaned down to eye level. “You’re keeping that money, Chloe. You can try and return it to me, but I’ll just keep giving it back to you. And I think we both know I’m stubborn enough to do it.”
His words coaxed a smile to her lips. “Nate.” Tears sprung to her eyes and she couldn’t speak louder than a whisper. “Thank you.”
“I love you, Chloe,” he said simply. “I’d do anything for you. Anything.” Nate turned and headed back to the door. He paused, hand gripping the knob. “We’re having Christmas Eve dinner at Travis’s house tonight. I want you and Derrick to come. Seven o’clock. Thirty-five twenty, Maple Creek Court.” Without waiting for her to respond, he left.
Chloe picked up the check and smoothed her fingers over the crisp paper. Nate Christensen really was an extraordinary man and she’d be a fool to let him go.
THIRTEEN
“Behave yourself or I will have your butt, mister.”
Derrick rolled his eyes as they walked under the portico to the looming front door of Travis Christensen’s house. The kid had some serious ’tude, but Chloe planned to change that.
“You act like I’m not house-trained, Chloe. But damn, have you ever seen a house this big?”
“Language,” Chloe warned.
“Yeah, okay. Think they have a butler?”