A drawer slammed in the kitchen. Her voice rose loudly. “I’ve been with boys, and I’ve been with men my age—”
I stood in the doorway of the kitchen, Rae’s white-and-blue trimmed kitchen straight out of the pages of Cozy Country Home Magazine. I was the interloper, the intruder. I was the fucking, What doesn’t belong in this picture, boys and girls?
Jill spun around, facing me. “I like you. I want you.”
“Jill—”
“You’re older than me. So what?”
“Over thirteen years older.”
“That doesn’t matter to me, Boner. I’m not counting. I’m very attracted to you. Plus, I trust you. I know I’m safe with you.” A slight tremor unfurled over her lips. “I like that. I need that,” she whispered.
I let out a breath as I wiped a lock of hair from her throat.
Yeah, she needed that, especially after what she’d been through. She’d put on that brave face, sporting that breezy attitude left and right, but I knew—I knew—there was a gooey center to all of it.
Like there was to mine.
Was she still looking for another biker to come save her? Was that how she’d hooked up with Catch and stayed with him, even after it had gone to shit between them?
I didn’t want to be her biker security blanket. I didn’t want to be her cardboard-cutout dude whom she’d plant at her side and convince herself that everything would be all right.
I wanted—
My back straightened, I lowered my chin. “I don’t have to be your man to protect you. I’m always here for you. You know that, don’t you? You need me. I’m here. Right?”
“Right,” she said quietly.
“Jill, I’ve never had an old lady. I don’t want one.”
Her eyes widened. “I didn’t say I wanted to be your old lady.” Her neck suddenly elongated. “I mean, I’ve been an old lady, remember? I don’t want to go there again.”
Why did that surprise me? My spine stiffened. Why did that piss me off?
I folded my arms and eyed her, my pulse springing in my neck. “I’m not Catch the Asshole either.”
“Whatever you say,” she muttered, her eyes narrowing. “You’re seeing Mindy, aren’t you?”
The two of us glared at each other. A Mexican standoff without the guns.
“Mindy and I aren’t—”
She threw a hand up in my direction. “Right. Whatever.” She put the bottle of juice back in the refrigerator and slammed the door shut. “Let’s forget this conversation. Totally embarrassing, all of it. You’ve got Mindy and a bunch of other chiquitas wherever you go. I get that. Believe you me, I get that. What do you need me for? I need to get a grip.” She pummeled the door of an open cupboard, whamming it closed. “Thank you for the wake-up call.”
“Is that what you think of me? That hooking up with women, one after the other, is all I’m capable of?”
“Isn’t that what you just said?”
“No! That’s not what I said. I—”
She lunged at me and kissed me deep. Declaration and defiance and desire. Her tongue searched for the answers she wanted in my mouth.
Fuck, if only I could give her what she wanted.
She ended the kiss and swept my hair back from my face, a small hand wrapping around my neck. “I like you. I want to be with you. I don’t care that you’re older than me. You’ve got a few gray hairs. News flash: So do I. Only difference is, I cover mine up with a box of hair color once a month.” She raised herself on her toes and planted a gentle kiss on my lips. “You’re seeing Mindy. She’s younger than me. What’s the difference?”
“What’s the difference?”
“Yeah? What the hell’s the difference? Why is it okay that you fuck her, and you can’t fuck me?” She froze, her mouth dropping open, her eyes huge. “Oh my God, I can’t believe I just said that.” She visibly shrank and turned away from me, leaning over the kitchen counter. “Please forget I said that.”
“Jill, I like you. I do.”
Her head whipped around, and she faced me, her eyes glassy. “What do you like about me?”
“What’s not to like? I see you, and I fucking lose all control. Any logic flies out the window.”
“Tell me.”
I took in air through my nose, my eyes riveted on gray-blue ones. “Your softness. Underneath that sharp-talking mouth are endless curves of creamy soft I could get lost in.”
“Go ahead,” she whispered. “Get lost.”
The heat between us vibrated. Several feet of distance separated us in that kitchen, but I could feel her skin on mine, her breath on me right that very instant. She wasn’t going to let this go or let it be, and she needed to. She beckoned me into a new world, that world, but I couldn’t go there with her. It would blow me apart, and I was already blown apart. Decades’ worth of debris.
She took in a deep breath. “I want you. I like you. It’s very simple and very real.” She searched my eyes, her chin set. “Would this be a problem with Grace? Is that why—”
“No, of course not. It wouldn’t bother her.”