But being with me would be a step backward for her.
What could I offer her that was any different from the bullshit Catch had offered her? I might be older and wiser than Catch, but I was in a groove of my own making that had taken me years to perfect. The lone rider, the team player who faded in the background, the quiet but sturdy cog in the wheel. Jaded, tinged with years of rust, like one of Wreck’s vintage collectibles. I was the killer when called upon, the ruthless hound on demand, the one they depended on to clean the mess that had been left behind.
I was the dead end.
Jill needed to be with a guy like that dipshit I’d seen her with at the coffee shop. A guy who could wear a bright blue designer T-shirt with jeans that had been ripped on purpose, and he’d paid extra for the privilege, along with permanently clean high-tops, and a white-toothed smile that came easy all the goddamn time.
That wasn’t me. I was backward from all that. Of course, that guy was like the blond geek here, still showering Mindy with bills.
“Hey. You okay?” Butler asked, clinking his bottle of non-alcohol brew against my glass of whiskey.
“Yeah.” I wiped a hand across my face. “Sure.”
“You look rattled.”
“Just distracted.”
Butler laughed, his chest shaking. “We’re in the right place for that.”
“You okay being back here again?” I asked. Last time Butler had been to the Tingle, Grace had ditched him, Jump had beat him up, and then Creeper had shot at him and Dawes on the staircase.
He shrugged. “Yeah, fine.”
Ever the Mr. Cool.
“How’s it feel to be settled down again?”
“Huh?” Butler’s gaze remained on Mindy peeling off her top onstage.
“Your old lady? That going good? It’s been a while.”
“Yeah, it’s good. Nina’s good.”
“You surprised me with that one. Thought you and me would be the old bachelor crew forever around here.”
He only laughed and clapped a hand on my shoulder.
The music segued into another pounding electric beat. Mindy and one other dancer sauntered over to our table.
She stuck her tongue in my ear. “Why don’t you come upstairs with me to a room? Let me—”
I winced. “No.”
She leaned over me. “You sure? I haven’t seen you in a long while. I could give you a nice massage. You seem a little stiff.” She rubbed one of my shoulders. “I like getting you un-stiff.”
“What part of no do you not get?”
Her small eyes flared, her lips pursed. “Are you picking me up after work tonight?”
“No, got shit to do.”
“Fine.” She flounced off, disappearing into the crowd.
Butler sent off the dancer in his lap with a wink. “Bro, you sure you’re okay?”
I shrugged and put out my dying cigarette. I’d thought coming here would take care of my Jill issues.
Obviously not.
I exhaled the last thick gust of smoke. “Business is doing real good here with Kicker running this place, don’t you think?”
Butler pushed his empty bottle back and forth between his hands. “He’s doing a great job. It’s packed on a Wednesday night.”
“Business has never been better.”
“I wanted to ask you. I’ve got to find a place to rent. Can’t stay in that fucking room at the club much longer. You know of anything in town?”
“Yeah, I might. I’ll find out more and let you know tomorrow.”
“Thanks.”
“Where’s Nina tonight?” I asked.
“She’s out with Alicia, Grace, Suzi, and Mary Lynn. It’s ladies’ night at Dead Ringer’s.”
“Oh, yeah?”
“Yeah. By the way, thanks for taking her out today to the mall. She had a good time with you and Jill.”
You and Jill.
I flicked at my lighter and dragged deeply on another cig.
Yeah, me and Jill had a good time, too.
I rubbed a hand over my jaw as Mindy came back out, wearing a different sparkly outfit, tits on full display in a string bikini top. She ignored me while she mingled around the tables until she found the blond geek and his pals. They ordered a round of drinks, and Mindy slid onto his lap, laughing. Another sucker bites the dust.
These past few weeks, it’d been fun, hooking up with Mindy. I liked her fine. Funny, a smart-ass.
But I wasn’t nuts for her.
I hadn’t been nuts for anyone in a long, long time. I’d always kept nuts at a dry minimum anyway. That shit just un-simplified your life, and I hated drama. I’d had enough of it to last me several lifetimes.
“Let’s get out of here and head to Dead Ringer’s.” I packed my aging dented Zippo in my jacket. “Let’s go check out what no good the women are up to.”
Butler flashed me that I-got-your-number grin of his. “You don’t like watching your girl work, huh?”
I tapped my fingers on the table and shot out of my chair. “She’s not my girl.”