“No, that’s not what I’m thinking at all. Are you? Do you regret how fast we got married?”
He squeezes me even tighter. “No, baby. Never. I’m sorry. I can’t say it enough. You’re right, I should’ve told you, included you, and let you see the good and the bad alike. I don’t want to wake up one morning and find all your stuff gone with no trace of you. Forgive me, baby.”
“Don’t ever do that to me again. You said we’ll get through this together. We do it all together, Ace. It’s an all-or-nothing deal.”
“You’re absolutely right. I swear, you’ll never feel left out of my life again. You are my life now and nothing is more important to me than you are.”
“Don’t leave River out.”
“I’m not. I’d give my life to protect River. But, as much as I hate to think of this, one day a man will come along and she’ll leave to create a life with him. So, while I get to keep her for many wonderful years, you’re mine for eternity.”
“That apology definitely helps your case.” I sniffle and wipe my eyes.
“Are you okay, Layne? I’m worried about you.”
“I’m fine.”
“You’ve just had a lot of my shit thrown at you at once. Then all this happened with Zoe. I know you’re devastated over the adoption.”
“It’s not just about the adoption,” I admit. “I’d unofficially adopted Zoe, too. I love her like she’s my own. How could she just up and leave with no thought of how it would hurt me?”
“I don’t know for sure, but of course, I suspect Margot has a lot to do with this. Especially with what you heard her say to Zoe. Matt is on top of things, though. We may have a small-town police station, but he’s still good at his job. There are only so many places a very pregnant girl can hide.”
“That’s the other concern. She could go into labor at any time now. Who will be there to help her?”
“Don’t do that to yourself, baby. I’m already worried enough about you that I’m ready to take you to the doctor myself.”
“Tell me what happened between you and Marcia, then. Let me in to all of your life. And help take my mind off Zoe while you’re at it.”
He sighs heavily, preparing himself to relive whatever happened to drive them apart. “Mom didn’t like Margot from the start. She thought Margot was a spoiled, mean girl who thought she was entitled to everything because she came from a prominent family. She tried to dissuade me from dating her from day one. Of course, by then I was a grown man and made my own decisions. The more Mom pushed one way, the more I went the other. Because I was bullheaded and stupid.
“Anyway, the news of Margot’s pregnancy was a shock to both of us, but in different ways. Mom was furious with me. She was convinced Margot would ruin my life. The news woke me up, though. As stupid as it sounds, it made me realize I wasn’t a carefree kid anymore. I was an adult and I had adult responsibilities. And it freaked me the fuck out.”
I can’t help but laugh at his blunt honesty. He chuckles behind me and I can feel him shaking his head.
“Anyway, I knew I couldn’t turn my back on her or my baby. But I also realized that I didn’t want to marry her, I didn’t want to spend my life with her. I’d be an active part of my baby’s life, I’d give support in any and every way, but I wouldn’t marry her. Most of her pregnancy was spent arguing over that fact. Margot kept pushing for it, and I withdrew from her more and more.
“When River was born, I was in the room. I cut the cord. I held her first. I instantly fell in love with her. And I couldn’t imagine not being in her life every day. Every other weekend and a couple of weeks during the summer wasn’t going to work for me, and I knew it from the second I laid eyes on her. So, against my better judgment, I decided to bite the bullet and marry Margot. Even if I didn’t love her, I loved my daughter enough to sacrifice my life to make hers happy.
“Before I said a word to Margot, I had a long talk with my mom about it. I was sick over it. Even the thought of giving Margot my last name turned my stomach, but I knew her well enough to know she’d withhold my visitation with River as much as she could get away with. Of course, Mom didn’t take my decision very well. She advised me, as my attorney, to wait and test Margot. See exactly what she’d do when she realized I honestly didn’t want to marry her.