The morning I woke up in Hayes’s arms was, well, perfect. I’d never felt as cherished as I did with him, never wondered whether my heart was going to beat right out of my chest, or if my cheeks were just going to melt away from the heat.
Being in his class got easier because after that morning I no longer worried about what we were doing or what we were to each other. I knew he wanted it just as much as I did, so it was easier to be around him. The ache to touch him was still there, and my eyes still roamed over his body like they owned him, but it wasn’t the agony it had been at first.
I don’t know if my friends noticed some difference in me and my demeanor, but they started treating me differently as well. They no longer coddled me or handled me with gloves. They joked around with me, teased me, hugged me without sadness, and that, too, was better. I was in the midst of beginning to remember Cory, instead of constantly being reminded that he was gone. Holly and Becca no longer avoided topics for fear of bringing him up and making me sad. Instead, we talked about him, we laughed over our memories, and even if just a little bit, the guilt eased.
I smiled when I opened my locker and saw his picture. I laughed when Todd retold the story of the time Cory took his clothes and tossed them downriver once when we’d all gone skinny dipping. Things were getting better, and I wanted to cling to that, to bring it with me all the time just to show everyone, to say “Look! I miss him, but I didn’t end with him. We have to keep moving, in part, because he can’t.”
Along with all the joys of living again, there also came the fear of what would happen when it all came crashing down. Someday, if Hayes and I continued, everyone would find out about us, and they would all have an opinion about it. There were moments I couldn’t care less what other people thought, but then I’d think of our parents, of Mrs. Wallace specifically, and I’d feel nauseous. I didn’t want to have to explain to her how I’d been in love with Hayes for two years, but still stayed with Cory because I loved him too, just not in the same way.
Thinking about it gave me headaches.
However, watching Hayes lightly tapping a pile of papers into a neat stack was more than enough to ease those fears. The bell hadn’t rung yet and students were still trickling into the classroom. The desk next to me, Cory’s old desk, had remained eerily empty. We didn’t have assigned seats, people could sit wherever they wanted, but no one had taken the desk Cory had claimed as his own, right next to me. So, when a body slid into it I startled, my gaze pulled from Hayes and landing on Nathan Patterson.
“Hey, McKenzie,” he said with an easy smile.
“Hi, Nate.” I was a little confused. Nathan had never spoken to me before and he definitely hadn’t ever sat next to me in class.
“We don’t have school on Friday. District in-service, or something like that.”
“Yeah, three-day weekend,” I replied, still unsure as to why he was speaking to me.
“Well, Thursday night everyone is going over to Ryan Holstater’s house. You’ve been there before, right?”
“Yeah.” Ryan’s house was the same place Cory and I had gone camping. Where the picture in my locker was taken.
“Well, I’m officially inviting you.” He said the words as if I should have been grateful to him for the invitation.
“Oh,” I stammered, unused to boys I didn’t know inviting me to go places.
“Yeah, it’s no big deal, just bring a tent, or, ya know, share one.” He winked at me and I had to hold back a grimace.
“Can Holly, Becca, and Todd come too?”
He shrugged. “The more the merrier. Just make sure if you guys want to drink anything, you bring your own. BYOB.”
“Mr. Patterson, I need you to go back to your seat. I’d like to start class.” Hayes’s voice was authoritative and stern. Nate just leaned back in his seat, getting comfortable.
“I’m good here, Mr. Wallace.”
The room fell silent as a hush spread through, everyone waiting to see how Hayes handled his first insubordinate student. I watched as Hayes practically burned a hole through Nate with his gaze, the muscle in his jaw twitching. A few seconds felt like forever, but finally Hayes responded.
“Suit yourself, but the side conversations end now.”
With that, the class began, and we all got our first taste of Mr. Wallace in a bad mood. He was short-tempered, snappy, and not the easygoing, playful teacher we’d enjoyed for almost two weeks.
When the bell rang the students practically jumped out of their seats, trying to get out of his classroom as soon as possible for fear he’d assign extra homework for stragglers. I packed up my bag and could feel the heat of his eyes on my back, knew he was watching me, and when I was just about to walk out the door I caught his gaze.
He looked angry, but not at me. He looked angry with himself.