“You don’t have to stay here,” she tells me. “I’d help your mother. We’d figure something out, Liv. You’re my friend. I don’t want you to be miserable. My brother can be…difficult.”
“For everyone but you,” I whisper, and she looks at me, because she knows exactly what I mean. Her brother is in love with her, and he has been their whole lives.
He’s always tried to fill the void elsewhere, in brothels, with prostitutes and men and even boys, trying to fill sick need that he has for his own sister.
It never works.
He still lusts after Laura.
But that doesn’t stop him from trying.
Richard came home last night smelling of sex… the kind of smell that comes from being with another man. One of his favorite things to do is have rough, aggressive male-on-male sex, and he prefers his males to be barely legal, and he does unspeakable things to them, all in the name of trying to avoid being with his sister. I’ve known it. I’ve always known it, and so has Laura.
I cup my belly, and the sense of peace I get when I do is profound.
I shake my head. “I’ll be fine,” I tell her. “I’ll just miss you. You need to leave here and we both know why.”
“I’ll miss you, too,” she answers and she nods because she knows, too. “But I’ll come home to visit. Don’t you worry.”
If she’s smart, she won’t, but I know she’ll come back. She’s got the Savage sense of duty, no matter how much fear she has of her brother, or how much she dislikes her mother.
The reception drags on, but that’s fine with me, because I’m afraid that even though he won’t want to, Richard will feel a sense of duty to consummate our marriage. It isn’t until the wee hours of morning that we find ourselves in Richard’s suite, a cold set of rooms where I will live from now on.
“You should bathe,” Richard tells me, and his voice is disdainful. “It’s been a long day.”
I’m too tired to bathe, but I’m also too tired to argue. “Can you unbutton my dress?”
I only ask because I’m too tired to try and reach the tiny pearls. Richard seems horrified, but he does as I ask with cold fingers. I have to steel myself from shirking away from his touch.
What a beautiful wedding night, I think sadly. I should be here with Phillip. But I force all thoughts of Phillip out of my mind, trying to tell myself that it’s as though he died. That’s how unavailable Phillip is to me now. I need to allow myself to grieve him.
I bathe and let the hot steam carry my stress away, my feet propped up on the tile. My eyes are closed until Richard clears his throat right next to the tub.
“Hello, Olivia,” he says formally, as though he hasn’t just seen me a moment ago. “I’d like to have a conversation with you when you’re finished.”
He means now. I can see that on his face.
I nod curtly, and he doesn’t look at my naked body at all, not even a glance. I stand up and dry off and follow him into the bedroom, dressed in a robe.
“I won’t be requiring your sexual services,” Richard says without preface. I’m not surprised and don’t even try to act like it.
“Ever?” I ask, to clarify, afraid to hope.
“Ever,” he answers. The breath sort of whooshes from my lungs in relief. Sex with Richard would be like having sex with a cold fish.
“What I require from you is an exemplary wife. I need for you to exhibit high regard for the Savage name, and to go through the motions of being a doting wife in public.”
“But not in private?”
He stares at me. “In private, you will obey me. You will respect me. But you will not need to dote.”
Well, thank God.
I think of my baby though, and my hands flutter, because if Richard and I never have sex… he’ll know without a doubt that the baby isn’t his. Not that I want it to be his.
“I…” my voice trails off because I don’t know what to do. I feel the need to tell him, to be honest, but I probably should’ve been honest before the wedding, not after. Fear kept me from it.
“Yes?” Richard’s brow is raised.
“I must tell you something.”
He waits.
I tell him.
“I’m pregnant.”
So is the silence.