“You’re not going back to him, are you?” Ben asked, his voice turning serious. “Because this just sounds… not right. Maybe it’s best you make a clean break, you know? Focus on yourself?”
I stared down at my cup, peeling away the cardboard cup insulator. “I don’t know. I mean, I guess I know, on some level, what’s right. But I can’t do it. He means too much to me.”
“Taryn.” I glanced up, at the sincerity in his eyes. “I’m being serious. Any guy who refuses to commit to you is an idiot.”
I tore my gaze away, staring down at my cup and wishing I could climb inside and disappear. I wanted too much to argue with Ben, to make him understand why Landon was worth waiting for. Worth fighting for. To make him understand why I couldn’t just turn my back on him.
“I mean it. You should move on. He’s not worth it.” He paused. “To be honest, he seemed like a douchebag.”
Annoyance flared. Landon was not a douchebag. “He’s not. I mean, I know he got a little, uh, rough and tumble with you or whatever, but there’s more to him than that.”
My phone chirped, and my heart jumped. Hoping desperately, it would be Landon, begging me to come back.
I wanted to turn my back on this internship and hop on a plane and go to him. When we were together, things made sense. The world righted itself and my life sprawled out in front of me, with a happy, rose-colored tint. Even though our ghosts lurked in the background, somehow we had a way of ignoring the when we were together.
Like it was us against the world.
Annie’s named popped up on screen, and I held my phone closer to read her text. I didn’t need to unlock the screen, because the text was only three words.
“Oh my god,” I said, my throat going dry.
‘What?”
I looked up at him. “Landon’s dad died.”
“Oh.” Ben blinked. “Was he ill?”
“I mean he didn’t have C—“ My voice caught. “He didn’t have a terminal illness or anything,” I finished. “If he was sick when he died, it had to be something recent.”
Oh god, Landon. How was he reacting to this? I couldn’t even imagine how he felt right now, whether it was vindication or grief.
Why didn’t he tell me himself? It didn’t matter how we’d left things; he knew I cared about him. Knew I’d be there for him when he needed me.
But he didn’t turn to me in his time of need. When I found out about Matt’s cancer, Landon was the one I ran to. Yet he didn’t seem to feel that way toward me. Didn’t look to me for comfort and someone to lean on.
And that stung.
“Do you think you could drop me off at my apartment?” I asked, draining the last bit of my coffee. “I need to make some calls.”
“Sure,” Ben said, picking up our cups and tossing them into a nearby trashcan. He picked up his keys from the whicker table and stood. “Let’s go.”
The ride over was silent. I knew Ben wanted to question me. Ask if I was going to be back at the lab that afternoon, if I was going to crawl back to Landon. But I couldn’t answer those questions even if I wanted to.
My head was spinning. Was this why Landon had left and not contacted me again? Why did I have to hear this from Annie? God, I wanted him to turn to me like I had with him. I wanted him to need me like I had him, to view me as this indispensable person he couldn’t live without.
But he hadn’t said a word. Like he didn’t need my comfort. And even though I knew it was unlikely, knew that he’d probably just shut himself off from everyone, I couldn’t help this underlying fear that he’d turned to Alexa.
Insecurity was a bitch.
I helped Ben navigate the turns to my apartment building, and when he finally pulled into the lot, I tried not to cringe. Ben put the car in park and raised a brow, taking in the shabby complex. “Is this a joke?”
“I wish it was,” I said, sighing. “Since I arrived so late for the program, they had to scramble. This was the best they could do on such short notice.”
“I’m rooming with Paul and we ended up in a three bedroom unit. You can move in with us. It’s closer to the lab, too. You can walk.”
I smiled. “We can work that out later, okay?” I said, gathering up my stuff. “Will you tell Professor Stewart that I didn’t feel well and went back here? I just need a little time to figure out what’s going on back home.”
“You want me to cover for you?”
“I’d do the same for you,” I said. “I’ll be back in the morning, I swear.” I slid out of the seat, standing in the open car door. “Please? Landon’s family is like my family,” I said. It was a lie, because reality was just the opposite. Landon had pretty much joined my family, but I hardly knew his dad. “I just need a few hours to process this.”
Ben waved a hand. “Sure, sure. I’ve got you. See you in the morning?”
“Yeah. Definitely. Thanks again.” I slammed the door before he could change his mind, and jogged over to the steps, taking them two-by-two until I arrived on the right floor, totally short of breath.