As I left, I felt my heart breaking all over again. I hadn’t known that I would make this decision. In fact, I was almost certain that if Landon had asked me to do anything, I’d have done it. No matter how wrong or bad of an idea it was.
But maybe I was growing up. Or maybe Landon had just hurt me one two many times.
THE END OF BOOK 3
Part IV
Filthy Truth (Second Chance With My Brother’s Best Friend, Book Four) by Paige North
Chapter 1
I was officially an asshole.
I sat at lunch with Ben, in a coffee shop down the street from the lab, but I was barely following the conversation. Ben was smiling, recounting some conversation he’d had with his niece on the phone this morning. I tried to smile when he did, laugh when he did, but his story just sort of…. fizzled out when he realized I wasn’t paying attention.
He knew my head was a couple thousand miles away. I hadn’t seen or heard from Landon in three days, so I was sure he’d gone back home. And even though that was what I wanted—what I needed him to do—I couldn’t squash the growing sense of despair.
Logic told me to stay away. To let go of him and move on. But it was so damn hard.
Ben leaned forward, plucking my sunglasses off my head so that he could stare me dead in the eye. I blinked against the sun—we were sitting on a sidewalk patio—and gave him a sympathetic smile.
“Alright, fess up. You look like you’ve somewhere else for the last half hour. Am I that boring?”
I cringed, picking up my sunglasses and folding then up to tuck into my purse. “Sorry. I know I’m being rude.”
“That doesn’t answer my question.”
He studied me, and waiting for an explanation. Where Landon would’ve pushed, he stood back and waited me out.
I sighed. There was no way he could understand the complexities in the relationship between me and Landon.
“That guy that came to Tiki Bob’s….” I said, my voice trailing off.
He leaned back in his chair, crossing his arms. “Yeah. Your boyfriend?”
“Sort of.” How could I ever define what Landon and I were? Childhood sweethearts, friends-with-benefits, my soul mate? “And also my sort-of ex. I don’t really know where things stand right now.”
He sipped at his cappuccino, his eyes never leaving mine. He had such a charming earnestness, like he soaked up my words, wanted to get to know everything about me. I knew he would sit in that chair, listening, for as long as I needed. “Sounds messy,” he said, finally.
“Complicated,” I said. Because messy sounded ugly. What we had was… something else. Something beautiful but somehow fragile, like if I held it too tightly, it would disappear. “I’ve known him all my life. He’s my brother’s best friend.”
“Do you love him?”
I took a sip of coffee, trying to buy myself time. Trying to figure out if I’d ever said this out loud. “Yes,” I said, slowly. How could I not love him? I’d never stopped.
“And does he love you?”
I pursed my lips, studying the place on the wall above Ben’s head. It had an old-school coo-coo clock, with weird ivy leaves carved all over it.
And it occurred to me that every second that ticked past was a second longer that I was away from him. A second longer I thought about him. “I don’t know. He did, at one point. I don’t know how he feels anymore.”
“Maybe that’s the problem,” Ben said. “You seem so invested in it. So... wrapped up in him. But if you don’t know for sure that he loves you back, then it doesn’t go both ways.”
“That’s what I’m afraid of,” I admitted. “I’m afraid to let myself get any closer than I already have. I went down that road once and I didn’t see him for three years. He disappeared on me.”
Jesus, I couldn’t survive that again. The idea of Landon leaving town and cutting me off again killed me. I would spend the rest of my life re-imaging every moment we’d spent together.
Every time we’d made love, and fallen asleep together. I’d be haunted by all those times I mouthed, I love you, but never said it.
“It sounds like you’re better off without him,” Ben said.
I laughed, but there was little humor in it. “That would be the logical conclusion. I just can’t convince the rest of me to agree.”
His lip quirked. “A scientist who has trouble making logical choices?”
Logical choices. Yes, it was logical to let him go. To focus on myself. So why couldn’t I do it?
“Only when it comes to him,” I finally said. “He drives me insane. I make terrible, idiotic choices when I’m around him.”
“I can see why. He’s so charming,” Ben said drily.
I laughed again, and this time it was genuine. “He wasn’t exactly on his best behavior the other night.”
“I thought he might rip my arm off.”
I grinned. “That’s a distinct possibility. He was never any good at sharing.”