Being back at school was marginally better, though Serene and Luke were off spending a lot of time together. Serene stopped by Elliot’s cabin once late at night by herself and Elliot’s heart leapt, but it turned out she only wanted to study some pamphlets to broaden her understanding of the human world.
Over the summer, a tavern had opened for the farming community around the camp and the Border guard alike. It was called the Elven Tavern. There was a sign outside that showed an elven warrior, though in oddly revealing armor that Elliot had never seen any elf warrior wear and striking a strange pose. Elliot brought the matter of the sign up with the tavern keeper.
“It’s empowering, innit?”
Elliot examined the sign some more. “What . . . putting your back out and getting stabbed in the midriff?”
“You have to strike a balance between being empowering and, you know, gettin’ actual customers,” said the innkeeper. It did not seem all that balanced to Elliot, but he added: “Tons of students come down bringing their sweethearts. That blonde cadet Adara, she’s brought three men in the last week.”
“She lives a life of daring and adventure,” Elliot agreed.
So the Elven Tavern was the hot new place to take a date. Elliot gave the matter deep thought, and then some more thought than it needed because he was very nervous. Finally he glanced across the library table at Serene, who was making a study chart like the babe she was, and mustered up the courage to ask: “Do you want to go to the Elven Tavern with me?”
Serene looked up from her task, gray eyes like the dawn. “Absolutely,” she said. “What a good idea.”
“Oh,” said Elliot, stunned by his good fortune.
Maybe Serene had been trying to do things the human way, he thought, as he sometimes tried to do things the elven way. Maybe she had been waiting for him to ask her.
“Luke could really do with some cheering up,” Serene continued. “Let me go fetch him.”
“Oh,” said Elliot.
And maybe it wasn’t Elliot she really wanted, and never had been.
They were not a cheerful group at the Elven Tavern that evening. Luke was sulking as usual, Elliot was dismayed by how terrible he was at romance, and Serene was appalled by the décor.
“I would be extremely surprised if any elves were consulted when the theme for this building was discussed,” Serene sniffed. “Ever. At any point.”
Elliot did not know what to do about it, when the girl he loved had kissed him and then decided she wished to spend all her time with Luke from that moment on. He did not know what to do about the fact Luke was still furious with him, even though Elliot had been carefully polite to him for weeks.
Trying to appease Luke was not working any more than trying to woo Serene. Elliot appeared to be terrible at manners as well as romance. He should possibly be locked up in a dungeon as one unfit for any kind of human companionship.
Serene excused herself. Silence reigned, a dark tyrant, over the table while she was gone.
“Why are you mad at me?” Luke asked abruptly.
Elliot stared.
“I’m not mad at you,” Elliot said. “Why would you think such a stupid thing, loser? Now I’m mad at you.”
“There is a statue in the bathrooms that I have strong objections about,” said Serene, returning. “Will you come and examine it with me, and then come and speak to the tavern keeper?”
“Sure,” said Elliot.
“No, we will not go into the bathroom in a weird group!” said Luke.
Was this, Elliot wondered, how Luke wooed ladies? Not giving them all their own way. Treat ’em mean, keep ’em keen. He narrowed his eyes at Luke, and Luke lifted his own eyes to the ceiling.
They reached a compromise, and Elliot went in with Serene while Luke waited outside. Elliot had to agree with Serene that the statue was physically implausible.
It had also been defaced. Someone had drawn COMMANDER WOODSINGER on it in lipstick.
Elliot kept hearing more of the same kind of thing Eric Sunborn had said about Commander Woodsinger. Apparently Captain Whiteleaf had been suggested to replace her: Elliot thought that was a bad idea, on account of Captain Whiteleaf was a dribbling idiot, but his father, Colonel Whiteleaf, was such a very important man. People said he might be the next general.
Elliot supposed that was nice for Captain Whiteleaf, but the man was still an idiot. He suspected Commander Woodsinger thought so too, since she was now sending out missions with leaders who were actually competent, and captains like Whiteleaf were relegated to training and teaching.
Captain Whiteleaf proved he was an idiot by giving them the worst ever lecture about mermaids three weeks into term, in the military-history class, which was one of the few the war-training and council-training courses took together.
It was always nice to sit beside Serene, and Elliot could admit it was even nicer to have Luke at the desk on her other side. It was not nice to listen to an idiot.
“The hostilities between mermaids and man arose from that incident. Given the draining of their home lake, the Grayling clan of mermaids might thus be said by some to have a legitimate grievance,” said Captain Whiteleaf. “But then the sea mermaids began to murder innocent sailors. The only question is, did the sea mermaids join the Grayling clan in their mission of vengeance because they were bribed by the Graylings, because they have some dark purpose of their own to fulfill, or simply because they have an innate love of violence and destruction?”
“Sorry in advance for my insolence and lack of cooperation in class, but you phrased that question incorrectly,” said Elliot, and noticed Luke had his hand up. “Luke, put your hand down. This question insults your intelligence.”
Luke kept his hand up.
“Your arguments are based on a false hypothesis. The thing is that some mermaids are able to swim in both fresh and salt water,” said Elliot. “We don’t know for sure whether the Grayling clan are exclusively fresh-water mermaids or if they can survive in both. So you can’t say for sure that the Grayling clan weren’t responsible for the initial sea attacks. Your father Colonel Whiteleaf, wrote about them: the mermaids who perpetrated them were never identified as being from any clan. And of course after we started attacking all the other mermaids, they defended themselves.”
“It hasn’t been definitively proven that some mermaids are able to survive in both,” said Captain Whiteleaf.
“Almost every in-depth report we have on mermaids suggests it,” said Elliot. “Please see Maximilian Wavechaser’s A Thousand Leagues Across a Sea of Blood. It’s an excellent book. It even mentions your father, Captain Whiteleaf, at the end and in some supplementary materials I found in the library.”
Dale Wavechaser gave Elliot a thumbs-up for praising the Wavechasers. Elliot ignored this because he was embarrassed to be associated with Dale in history class: Dale was very bad at history.
“In any case,” said Captain Whiteleaf. “Cadet Sunborn, I commend you on raising your hand and not shouting out insubordinate remarks. Whenever you have something to say in the classroom, always do so.”
“Can I speak now?” Luke asked. “It’s not so much of an answer to a question as a personal announcement.”