A deadly mistake.
“But with Keith, everyone knows his family furnished the alcohol. They were the adults, and it’s really tearing his family up,” Sebastian explained quietly. “No one is really saying anything to Keith, but he’s having a rough time. Not to sound like an ass, but he’s letting his friends help him and...”
“And I didn’t,” I finished, feeling gross. I hadn’t really even thought about what Keith was going through.
Sebastian trailed a finger over my cheekbone, drawing my gaze back to him. Something, I wasn’t sure what exactly, had changed between us. It was almost tangible, and I think it had happened when he kissed away my tears and held me through the worst of them.
“You really not going to homecoming this weekend?” he asked.
The change of subject made me think of Skylar. “What about you?”
“Was going with some of the guys.”
“Not Skylar?”
His brows shot up. “No.” He laughed. “Why would you think that?”
I felt my cheeks heat. “You guys have been getting chatty again.”
“We’ve always been chatty,” he replied drolly. “She’s actually going with someone from Wood.”
“Really?” Surprise flashed through me. “I heard that you two were talking about homecoming.”
One of his eyebrows rose. “We talked about it, but not going together.” His gaze searched mine. “She knows I’m not going back there with her, and you should know that, too. Just because things...didn’t pan out the way I hoped doesn’t mean I’m going to play someone else.”
Things panning out had to do with me. I knew that.
Sebastian smoothed his thumb over my jaw. “There’s always prom.”
I liked how he said that. “There is prom.”
He was silent for several moments and then said, “Thank you for tonight.”
I frowned. “You’re thanking me?”
“Yeah.” His hand slid down to my shoulder and he squeezed. “You’ve been carrying this around and you’re not doing that by yourself anymore. You’ve told me. You’re going to talk to Abbi and Dary. You’re really not alone in this anymore.”
A tired smile tugged at my lips. “Shouldn’t I be thanking you, then?”
“Nah. I didn’t do anything. I just listened.”
But that was incredibly powerful.
“It’s all you,” he added.
Sebastian was sort of right. A lot of it was me.
My sleepy smile spread. Tonight...talking to Sebastian, was big, because either I could let what I’d done wreck me or I could learn to live with it.
That was the only choice I could make at this point, and I had to make the right one this time.
I was going to.
CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT
Dr. Perry was so ecstatic with my progress Wednesday morning he gave me an assignment. Two, actually, not counting the talk I needed to have with Abbi and Dary.
“There are two things I want you to do,” he said. “Both are incredibly important to the grieving process. First off, I want you to dedicate one day a week to grief.”
My brows pinched. “Like, the whole day?”
“Not the whole day, unless you feel like you need that,” he clarified. “It can be just an hour or several hours. What I want you to do on that day is spend time remembering your friends. Look at old pictures, visit their social media accounts if they’re still available, write about them. I want you to think about them, remember them and process those feelings. Do you think you can do that?”
I could. It would be hard, especially looking at their pictures and seeing their last posts, but I could do it.
“Grieving them isn’t an easy thing to do, especially for you. Mainly because you feel a responsibility toward what happened. And it’s never easy grieving the deaths of those who ultimately played their own role in their deaths.” He rested his arms on the table. “I see a lot of anger and uncertainty when working with families of those who have overdosed. What you need to remember, at the end of the day, is that these people were your friends. No matter what happened, you cared about them and you are allowed to grieve them.”
Nodding slowly, I said, “I can do it.”
“What day?” he immediately followed up.
“Um.” I wrinkled my nose. “I could do Sunday evenings?” I also thought Sunday evenings were kind of depressing anyway.
“Sounds good. The second thing I want you to do is actually a commitment.”
I raised a brow.
“By the end of the year, I want you to visit their graves.”
My stomach immediately tumbled at the thought.
A sympathetic look filled his eyes. “I know. When you see their graves, it’ll be very final, but I think that for you, it’s necessary. You were unable to attend their services. Visiting their grave site may do more for you than just providing closure.”
Pressure clamped down on my chest, but I nodded. “I can do that.”
Because I had to.
Because I had made the decision to not let the choices I made on August 19 define my life or wreck it.
*
I was full of nerves at lunch, but I forced myself to eat what I think was lasagna but just looked like a lump of cheese and hamburger meat. Sebastian was back to sitting next to me, but his back was turned. He was having some deep conversation with one of the guys about the best hydrating drink or something. Keith was listening.
It was the perfect opportunity.
“So, um, I was wondering if you two wanted to grab something to eat after school?” I asked Abbi and Dary, sounding as awkward as if I was asking someone out on a date.
Dary’s eyes immediately lit up behind the glasses. “I think that would be great.” She glanced over at Abbi. “I don’t have plans.”
“I don’t know.” Abbi was peeling apart her lasagna with her fork. “I don’t think I’ll be hungry.”
Dary’s shoulders deflated.
I was prepared for this. “We could go to the smoothie place,” I suggested, knowing Abbi could never turn down a fresh smoothie. “We don’t have to go to a restaurant or anything like that.”
Abbi’s face was hard, but her gaze lifted to mine. My lower lip trembled as I leaned forward and whispered, “Please. I really want to talk to you guys.”
Her jaw softened, and I held my breath, because I really thought she’d shoot me down, but then she nodded. “Okay.”
Relief almost swept me out of my chair while Dary clapped like an overexcited seal. “Thank you,” I whispered to her.
Abbi didn’t respond, but she nodded, and that was something. That was enough for now.
*
Smoothies in hand, we found one of the booths in the back of the small restaurant. Abbi sat across from me and Dary. I’d gone with Old Faithful—a simple strawberry smoothie. Dary was more creative and went for something that had peanut butter in it. Abbi ordered a mango.
If Megan was here, she would’ve bypassed the smoothie and gone straight for the flatbreads, claiming she was doing it for the protein.
Dary had been chatting since we sat down, and the moment she quieted, Abbi asked, “So why did you want us to come here?”
I’d stopped with the straw halfway to my mouth. “Does there have to be a reason?”