I started to respond with exactly that, but I stopped, my fingers hovering over the screen. My heart was racing like I was running sprints.
I could be up front and point out exactly why I was asking that question. I could say a million things, to be honest. Ask what he thought about me kissing him, or ask why he’d then freaked out. I could ask him if he wished I’d never done it. I could even text him and tell him that when I kissed him, it felt like coming home.
I didn’t type any of those things.
My phone dinged again.
Everything is okay with you, right?
No. It wasn’t.
I’d been in love with him since I could remember, and now I was afraid our friendship was ruined and everything was going to be awkward as hell from here on out.
I didn’t type any of those things either.
Instead I typed, Yeah. Of course. Then I tossed my phone onto the pillow. Groaning again, I fell backward onto the bed.
“I’m such a coward.”
*
I was so ready for Feyre to kick some serious ass.
I slapped the hardcover shut and pressed my forehead against the smooth cover. My heart pounded in my chest. The last five chapters had been a nonstop heart attack, and I prayed that the third book was already out. If not, I was going to pitch myself off the balcony.
Lowering the book to my lap, I shifted my weight in the old Adirondack chair. It wasn’t exactly the most comfortable, but with the throw pillow under my butt and my legs resting on the railing, it made for a perfect little reading spot.
A warm breeze swept through the balcony, moving over my bare legs and lifting the thin wisps of hair around the nape of my neck. Another book rested on the floor beside my chair. This one was the contemporary.
I couldn’t think of a better way to spend the Saturday before school started than doing nothing but reading and eating.
I switched my hardcover for the paperback with a shiny gold crown on it and rested it in my lap as I quickly checked Facebook on my phone. No private messages. I had a few notifications from Snapchat, so I watched one of the football players drunkenly stumble down a sidewalk last night. Another snapped a pic of himself eating breakfast. There was a snap from Dary of the Washington Monument, followed by a series of street signs. She had this thing with street signs.
I moved on to Instagram, scrolling mindlessly through selfies and end-of-the-summer beach pics. I was about to close the app when I started to recognize a theme from everyone’s recent pictures. All the girls were in bathing suits. Guys were in swim trunks. Everyone was holding red plastic cups. And all the pictures were all at night.
Keith.
He must’ve had a party last night.
My thumb stopped moving as I saw a pic posted by Skylar.
My heart dropped, and all I could think was that I was stupid, so stupid.
She was sitting on the edge of one of those rattan lounge chairs, her hands planted behind her. She had on a royal-blue two-piece that showed off her banging body. Sitting across from her was Sebastian. He was smiling. Both were smiling. They...they looked amazing together.
I stared at the picture for God knows how long. Too long.
Why oh why was I following her?
I knew the answer. I’d started following her years ago because she was dating Sebastian and apparently I was into self-punishment. I even liked her pictures just to prove that I wasn’t a jealous bitch.
But I was a jealous bitch of the highest order.
I couldn’t stop what I did next. I quickly went to Sebastian’s account to see if there were any pictures from last night, but the last post was from three weeks ago. He wasn’t big on social media, sporadically popping on and off.
Now I wanted to pitch myself off the balcony for a totally different reason.
Sebastian had texted a few times since Thursday, but I hadn’t seen him since the kiss. There was no fooling myself. Things had changed. When Sebastian was home, even when he was dating Skylar, I saw him nearly every other day, if not every day. The only time I didn’t was when he wasn’t home.
So he was avoiding me.
I cursed under my breath, tapped out of the app and dropped my phone on top of the book on the floor. Edgy anxiety churned my stomach, and I shook my head as I stared at the large maple in the backyard. Was he back with Skylar, a handful of days after I kissed him? Did it even matter?
It shouldn’t, but it did.
Disgusted with myself, I opened up the paperback, needing to lose myself in something unrelated to me.
I’d made it a couple of pages before I heard footsteps on the stairs leading up to the balcony. I lifted my chin and I froze when I saw the top of Sebastian’s head, torn between wanting to dive back into my bedroom and rush him with my arms spread wide.
I did neither of those things.
Heart thumping heavily in my chest, I slowly closed the book as he crested the last step. All the air leaked out of my lungs.
Oh, come on.
Sebastian was shirtless. It wasn’t the first time I’d seen him half-clothed, but each time was like the first time.
Chest defined, stomach chiseled like he was cut of marble and hips lean. He wasn’t overly muscled. Oh no, he was just a prime example of how football could do a body good. And he was wearing a baseball cap. Backward.
I just imploded into mush and goo.
I hated him.
One side of his lips quirked up as he swaggered across the small balcony.
“Hey, nerd.”
For a moment, I couldn’t respond. I was thrust back to the lake, me in his lap and his mouth oh so briefly on mine. Heat flushed my cheeks and spread lower, much lower.
Oh my God.
I needed to get control of myself and go about things as if nothing had happened. That was what he was doing. I could do it, too. I had to, because if I couldn’t, how could we be friends?
He looked up and his gaze met mine for a second before flickering away. I thought I saw a faint pink infuse his cheeks. Was he blushing? Maybe he wasn’t as good at pretending as I thought he was.
Clearing my throat, I cradled the book to my chest. “Hey, dumbass, did you forget to get dressed before you walked out of the house?”
His eyes glimmered as they moved back to me. His shoulders loosened. “I was just so excited to come visit you that I didn’t want to waste time finding a clean shirt.”
“Uh-huh.”
“I thought about texting you.” He leaned against the railing, next to my feet. “But figured you were out here.”
“Am I that predictable?”
“Yes.”
“Well then,” I muttered, searching for something to say. “Did...did you have practice this morning?”
Sebastian nodded. “Yeah. Till twelve. Than I took a nap when I got back.”
“Late night?” I asked innocently enough, but my pulse was spiking.
He shrugged one broad shoulder. “Not really,” he answered, and I tried to determine if that was code for getting back with Skylar or hooking up with someone else.
But really it was just two words that didn’t mean anything.
“Keith ended up getting plastered and setting off a stash of fireworks.” He folded his arms, drawing unneeded attention to his chest. “I’m still surprised he didn’t blow off a couple of fingers. Or a hand.”