“You worried about her?” Roberts comes up behind me. I scoff at the absurdity of his question. That woman has more balls than most men I’ve met.
“Not at all. She’s more put together than the rest of us. She can handle this.” Speaking the damn truth, I know Jade can handle it. It’s my damn feelings for her that need to be handled before I fuck this shit all up. A mind must be clear during a mission. A single hesitation could cost a life, so I need to get my shit in check quickly.
I need to focus on being an expert, as well as the leader of this team for the next few hours, while we compile our gear. Then tear down what we can to help the cleaners who will come in the minute we leave and demolish this small camp like it never existed. All teams leave out today. Not a damn thing will be left behind, only memories.
Memories should be left behind here in this mass destruction, this place called hell. Mine will exist.
With determination, I enter my office to send one last email to Colonel Wright, who I will report back to the minute we land in the United States.
Closing my laptop, I tuck it safely into my duffle bag that will await me at the airport in Dubai. I stand, roam to my small cot, and sit on the edge to set my alarm on my watch, knowing damn well I won’t sleep. Not out of fear for our mission. I’m fearful of her and of what the fuck will become of us after we're all debriefed and go our separate ways.
Will she act as if I never existed, the same way she did the entire night we tore shit down? Or will she want to exist in my world and get to know me? Will she want me the same way I want her? What she fails to know about me is, I’m not a man to give up on the things I want; and I want her. Not just her body, but her soul and her heart.
As I lay my head on my pillow, I close my eyes. I don’t sleep. I’m ready for this mission. I’m focused. I have to be. I have men to protect. A woman to protect. “I will own you, Jade. You will become mine.” Those are the last words I speak before I succumb to the sleep I didn’t think I would get.
The distinctive sound of the MH-60 Black Hawk Helicopter approaching rings in our ears. Everyone is geared up and dressed in darkness with our backpacks attached. Each one of us carries several rifles and pistol mags, a radio, and hydration reservoirs. Watching everyone with special ops helmets in hand, I stand secure, knowing they're designed to stop a round from a pistol busting open a skull. These helmets are lightweight but carry the necessities needed to guide us through the dark. Flashlights, cameras, ear and microphone pieces all in place and tested repeatedly. All exposed skin painted, making us inconspicuous to the enemy. We are fucking ready.
No one speaks as we watch the helicopter land; instead we’re running toward it. The high-pitched whirl of the engine and the blades strum over the loud beating of our pounding chests.
“Let's do this. In and out. I don’t give two fucks who kills that bastard as long as the proof is recorded. I also don’t give a shit who you take down to get to him. Do I make myself clear?” I yell over the top of the roaring engines as we lift off of the ground. My eyes are trained on Jade, who looks straight ahead, still not meeting my eyes. I need to drive my point deep into them all.
My meaning is really meant for her more than anyone else. I’ve kept this to myself until now, but I saw the way she looked at the women and children during our briefing a few days ago. She stayed tight-lipped, like she should. But her eyes gave her away, showing a flicker of sadness. Grief before we even strike. It's a sore spot with most soldiers. It's one thing to kill the enemy, but when the enemy is a child or a woman, it's a hard pill to swallow.
Every facet of flying at night is unlike flying in the clear gleam of the day. Pitch black awaits you; the only lights you see are the red panels lit up from the cockpit, illuminating the determination of the pilot. Silence awaits. Blood begins to boil in anticipation, and I start to remember why I craved this kind of shit for so long in my career.
Then before I know it, the smallest of light appears on the ground and the one person I care about drops into place beside me. I close my eyes for a brief second and take in her close proximity. I'd love more than anything to take her in my fucking arms and tell her the shit that's boiling up inside me. ‘Be fucking careful, Jade. Know your strengths and acknowledge your weaknesses. It makes you invincible when you work with the knowledge of both. Don't let your guard down, and for fuck's sake, don't hesitate. Do what you've been trained to do.’
“Captain,” I whisper. Her head jerks my way. I can no longer see her stunning eyes. I reach for her hand, grasp it firmly in mine. That’s all I can give her, all she lets me have as we glide in closer to the building.