‘It isn’t fair on you.’
‘It’s what we agreed.’ It was a deal that made us both liars. I agreed never to tell the kids Matt had cheated, and he agreed to pretend he didn’t love me any more; that the decision to separate was mutual. I sometimes wonder which of us found the bargain harder to keep.
Simon leaves it. It’s a battle he knows he won’t win. ‘I want to get back on my feet before we tell them. Please.’
We agree to tell Justin and Katie that Simon has arranged to work from home full-time, so he doesn’t have to leave the house each day; staying out till after five, drinking cups of coffee he doesn’t want, in cafés he can no longer afford. When he tells me he’s been living off credit cards I feel sick.
‘Why did you keep buying me presents? Taking me out to dinner? I’d never have let you do that if I’d known you couldn’t afford it.’
‘If I’d stopped you’d have wondered what had happened; you’d have guessed. Thought less of me.’
‘I could have paid my way, if we’d have gone out at all.’
‘How do you think that would have made me feel? What kind of man lets a woman pay for dinner?’
‘Oh, don’t be ridiculous! It’s not the fifties.’ I laugh, then realise how serious he is. ‘It’ll be okay, I promise.’
I just hope I’m right.
19
‘Are you sure you did the right thing?’ Lexi said. She hoisted Fergus out of the bath and wrapped him in a towel, before passing him to Kelly (‘make sure you dry between his toes’) and doing the same with Alfie.
‘Yes,’ Kelly said firmly. ‘Zoe Walker had a right to know.’ She sat her nephew on her lap and rubbed his hair vigorously with the towel, making him laugh.
‘Won’t you get into trouble?’
Kelly didn’t say anything. She’d been thinking about it ever since she picked up the phone to Zoe Walker. Unable to get it out of her head, she’d come to Lexi’s in search of distraction, ending up telling her the whole story. ‘There we go, all clean and dry.’ She bent her head close to Fergus’s and inhaled the sweet smell of warm skin and talcum powder. Zoe had been grateful to Kelly for keeping her in the loop, and Kelly had told herself that in itself justified her actions.
‘Do you want to stay tonight? I can make up the sofa bed.’
Kelly loved Lexi’s house. It was an unexciting red-brick semi-detached on an estate filled with cars and wheelie bins, but inside it was warm and cosy; a stark contrast to the bedroom waiting for her in Elephant & Castle. Kelly was sorely tempted.
‘I can’t. I’ve got to meet Zoe Walker in Covent Garden at eight in the morning. I’ll need to catch the last train.’ She had hoped Nick would allow her to meet Zoe on her own, thereby avoiding the risk of the DI finding out about Kelly’s call, but he was insisting on accompanying her. Kelly was relying on Zoe to be discreet.
‘Isn’t it – I don’t know – disobeying a lawful order, or something?’ Lexi said, refusing to let the subject drop.
‘Technically, I suppose.’
‘Technically? Kelly!’
Alfie twisted his head round, surprised by his mother’s sharp tone, and Lexi gave him a reassuring kiss. Dropping her voice a notch, she looked at Kelly. ‘Have you got some sort of death wish? Anyone would think you were actively trying to get the sack.’
‘I was doing the right thing.’
‘No, you were doing what you thought was the right thing. It isn’t always the same, Kelly.’
Zoe had arranged to meet Kelly and Nick in a café called Melissa’s Too in a side street near Covent Garden. Despite the early hour the café was already busy, the smell of bacon sandwiches making Kelly’s stomach rumble. A young girl behind the counter was making takeaway coffees with impressive efficiency, and Zoe was sitting at a table in the window. She looked tired; unwashed hair pulled into a hasty ponytail that contrasted sharply with the sleek French plait of the woman sitting next to her.
‘I’m sure something will come up,’ the woman was saying, as Kelly and Nick arrived. She stood to free up the chair. ‘Try not to worry about it.’
‘We were talking about my partner,’ Zoe said, although neither Kelly nor Nick had asked. ‘He’s been made redundant.’
‘I’m sorry,’ Kelly said. Perhaps that explained the tiredness.
‘This is my friend Melissa. It’s her café.’
Kelly stuck out her hand. ‘PC Kelly Swift.’
‘DI Nick Rampello.’
A flicker of recognition passed across Melissa’s face. ‘Rampello? Where have I seen that name recently?’
Nick smiled politely. ‘I’m not sure. My parents run the family Italian restaurant in Clerkenwell – perhaps you saw it there.’
‘That’s where your new café is, isn’t it?’ Zoe said.