‘Very nice.’
‘My parents’ place. Mortifying, at twenty-eight, I know, but it’s the only way I’ll ever be able to save enough for a deposit on a flat. Nick takes the piss out of me something rotten.’ She slipped behind Kelly as a woman in lurid leggings ran towards them, a bobble hat pulled low over her ears, and raised her voice to continue their conversation. ‘How did you find your first day?’
‘My head’s spinning. I loved it, though. It’s been a while since I was on an incident room; I’d forgotten what a buzz it is.’
‘What’s the deal with that, then? You were on the Sexual Offences Unit, right?’
Even though she had been anticipating the question, it still made Kelly catch her breath. Was Lucinda genuinely interested, or did she already know full well what had happened? Was she fishing for gossip? Kelly glanced sideways but the other woman’s face gave nothing away.
‘I was suspended,’ she said, the truth catching her by surprise. I left, she usually said, in advance of some cock and bull story about wanting more front-line experience. Or I was ill, which wasn’t far from the truth. She kept her eyes on the pavement in front. ‘I assaulted someone.’
‘A colleague?’ Lucinda sounded curious, rather than judgemental. Kelly took a deep breath.
‘A prisoner.’
Call him by his name, her therapist had reminded her on more than one occasion. Important that you see him as a person, Kelly, as human as you or I. Kelly had complied, but the syllables had tainted her tongue every time.
‘He raped a school girl.’
‘Shit.’
‘That doesn’t excuse what I did,’ Kelly said quickly. She hadn’t needed therapy to understand that.
‘No,’ Lucinda said. She paused, choosing her words carefully. ‘But perhaps it explains it.’ They walked in silence for a while and Kelly wondered if Lucinda was thinking about what she’d just said; if she was judging her. She braced herself for further questions, but none came. ‘You did a great job on that password,’ Lucinda said, as they neared the station. ‘Nick was very impressed.’
‘Was he? He didn’t show it.’ Kelly had tried not to care about the DI’s understated response to her discovery. She hadn’t expected a round of applause, but something more than a muttered good job would have been nice.
‘You’ll get used to him. I like his approach, personally. He doesn’t dish out praise readily, so when he does, you know you’ve done well.’
Kelly suspected she might be waiting a long time.
At the entrance to the Tube station a bearded man was playing a guitar, a hat on the ground in front of him, empty but for a few coins. His dog slept on a carefully folded sleeping bag, in front of a bundle of belongings. Kelly thought of Zoe Walker and her Crystal Palace busker.
‘If you were Zoe Walker,’ she said to Lucinda, ‘wouldn’t you want to know?’
They walked past the busker and into the station, both reaching automatically for their Oyster cards.
‘Yes.’
‘So …’
‘There are lots of things I’d like to know,’ Lucinda said firmly. ‘State secrets, Bill Gates’ PIN, George Clooney’s mobile number … That doesn’t mean it would be right for me to know them.’
‘Even if it’s the difference between staying alive and being murdered? Or raped?’
Lexi’s attacker had been following her movements for weeks, the police had concluded. Since the beginning of term, possibly. He was almost certainly responsible for the flower left outside her bedroom, and the notes tucked into her pigeonhole. Friends had brushed it off; laughed about her secret admirer. When the police asked if she’d noticed anyone following her, she told them about those Thursday evenings, walking home from her 4 p.m. lecture. The same boy leaning against the library wall, listening to music; the feeling of being watched as she walked away; the crack of a twig behind her as she took a shortcut through the woods. She wasn’t the only one who had felt like that, the police admitted. They’d had several reports of suspicious circumstances. Nothing concrete, they’d said.
Lucinda stopped walking and looked at Kelly. ‘You heard what Nick said; restricting this information is our best chance of finding whoever set up the website. Once we’ve caught him, the rest will be easy.’
Kelly was disappointed. She had hoped Lucinda might have sided with her; that she would use the influence she clearly had with Nick to persuade him to change his mind. Lucinda saw the look on her face.
‘You might not agree with his decision, but he’s the boss. If you want to stay in his good books, you’ll play by his rules.’ They took the Northern line together and the conversation moved on to safer territory, but by the time they separated at Euston, Kelly had already made her decision.
Rules were made to be broken.
18