“Come here, darling,” Declan says, voice still scratchy with sleep.
He pulls me onto his lap and continues working. I smile down at him, comforted to know his need to be close to me. His fingers type away, entering another name into the search engine, and then he transfers the details into the spreadsheet I’ve been putting the information in.
“Is there something in particular you’ve been looking for?” he asks.
“No. I was just getting the addresses and phone numbers and seeing if I recognize any of their listed relatives.”
“If he’s changed his name and is hiding, I doubt you’re going to come across anyone from his past.”
“Yeah,” I sigh. “You’re probably right.”
I reach over and pick up a mug from the tray and push the press down to pour his coffee.
“Thanks.” He takes a sip and then adds, “There are a few large business-oriented social networking sites for professionals online. We can search all the names through those databases. Most profiles contain pictures.”
I grab my phone, anxious to find the man I’ve been dreaming about my whole life. “Give me the name of one of those sites. I’ll search while you’re finishing up with the contact information.”
Seconds later, I’m on the world’s largest business network, punching in the names, starting at the top of the list.
The incessant ticking of the clock greets the sun as it rises behind the cloud-covered sky. I look over from the couch I’m now sitting on to Declan who has just finished the last of his coffee while still at his desk. Sounds of the clock, tapping keys on the laptop, and raindrops plopping against the window are the only noises in the room.
“How are you holding up?”
“There’s nothing,” I respond in frustration. “Half of these people aren’t even on these sites, and the ones that are, half of those don’t even have a profile picture.”
“I’m hitting dead ends myself.”
Although I feel defeated, I’m not hopeless, because it’s always been my dad who’s kept that hope alive when I wanted to give up. Even if it were only a miniscule piece of hope that remained in my heart, I couldn’t let it go, and that strength to hang on was always for him.
“I’ve got to take a break,” Declan eventually says, pushing his chair back from his desk. He rubs his eyes, and I can see the reddened fatigue in them. He holds out his hand for me, saying, “Come on. You need a break too.”
“I can’t.”
“Elizabeth, put the phone down. You’re going to tire yourself out to the point you’ll make yourself sick. If you want to find him, you need to get some rest so your body doesn’t give out on you.”
“But—”
“It isn’t a request, Elizabeth,” he states firmly, and it isn’t meant to be a test of his authority, but rather a display of concern for me.
It’s clear I worry him, so I don’t protest again. I take his hand and allow him to lead me back to bed. He curls his body around mine as I lie with my back to his chest, but I never fall asleep. My mind won’t quiet down enough for me to relax. Memories flood, playing reels of my past: tea parties, bedtime stories, scratchy beard kisses, and scooter rides around the neighborhood. He’s so vivid in my head, his eyes were unnaturally bright, and his smile . . . just the thought pricks my heart in needling pains.
Quiet tears slip out and roll onto the pillow beneath my head, and I wonder if he had been looking for me during the years I wasn’t me. Did he just give up when I was living as Nina? Does he know that I devoted so many years of my life to destroying the man who destroyed him? Does he want to find me as much as I want to find him?
“Shh, darling,” Declan breathes into my hair, and I’m suddenly aware of my vocal whimpers.
“Do you think we’ll find him?” I ask in weak hiccups.
“Yes. It might take time, but I will find him for you.”
“You know when I was little, after he was taken from me, I spent the first few years being kicked out of every foster home I was placed in,” I begin to tell him.
“Why?”
“I would find ways to sneak out in the middle of the night. For the most part, it was me climbing out of my bedroom windows.”
“You were only five though. Where did you go?”
“Anywhere. I look back now and feel so bad for the girl I was. A girl so desperate for her dad that she would roam the streets in the middle of the night.”
Declan moves to prop up on his side to look down at me and wipes my tears.
“When that foster home realized that I wouldn’t stop sneaking out, no matter how much they tried to set up preventions, they’d call my case worker to pick me up and deliver me to the next family who was willing to take me. Eventually, I went through too many homes, and I was sent down to live in Posen, where I wound up staying for good.”