Happy Hearts and Flowers Day! And congrats, one and all, on what we have managed to accomplish so far. I know that I have done more in the past few months than I ever imagined possible. And Lynne? If you want to up the stakes, bring it. You might be a little bit in the lead, but the last five pounds are hardest to lose, am I right? Don’t count either of us out—Teresa and I have some serious skills. I’m in if T is. And I agree on the party, something fun and casual works great. Why don’t we get together in the next couple of weeks to really make a plan. Everyone can start thinking about idea and venues. My list is also really small. Teresa—I expect you to be checking another spicy marriage event off your list tonight!
El
I shut the computer down, and text my mom to see if she is ready. She and I are taking a Valentine’s lunch to Glenn. He has been working with her one afternoon a week at the after-school program, and when she mentioned to me that Valentine’s Day might be hard for him, I said that I would definitely be up for a lunch. Lawrence is in Tucson this week, so I have today off. Shawn and I decided to avoid the amateur night that is Valentine’s at most restaurants in favor of cooking together and watching movies. We planned the menu together: butter lettuce salad with a shallot, lemon, and caper vinaigrette, a huge tomahawk steak to share, wild mushroom risotto, and steamed broccolini, with a pistachio soufflé for dessert. Marcy dropped off some chocolate sablé cookies and caramelized white chocolate truffles last night to add to the party, as well as a gorgeous zucchini bread with chocolate chips “for breakfast,” she said, winking. She is over the moon for Shawn and me and livid at Lynne.
“Seriously, Eloise, I know she’s been your friend since the dawn of time, but that woman is awful to you. She’s a classic mean girl.”
“She’s not, Marce—just think about it, that marriage is the only thing she has ever failed at in her entire life! Ever. She’s always gotten everything she wanted, everything she ever worked for. She’s got one black mark on her record, and her marriage to Shawn is it. And now one of her oldest friends is having a successful relationship with him. That has to be so hard.”
“You’re more forgiving than I could ever be. I think she is selfish and vain and doesn’t care a whit about you or your happiness. Sorry, can’t help it. For her to be so terrible to you for dating someone that she discarded? Especially after you told her the whole thing about Bernard and she knows that you haven’t been dating since then. It’d be one thing if she left him because he was abusive or dangerous or a criminal or something, and she was trying to save you from hurt. But from what you’ve told me, sounds like she dumped him because he decided he wanted kids and a dog and to take a better job. That is just shitty. You get that, right?”
I feel bad that I’ve probably done just that, made it seem like the divorce was all on Lynne. Teresa said something to me the other day about what a big thing the children issue must have been for Lynne. She told me that if Gio had said to her a year into their marriage that all of a sudden he didn’t want to have any kids, it would have broken her heart and she would have probably left him, however much love there was between them. It made me think really hard about how difficult that must have been for Lynne, to marry someone she thought was in her corner on all the big stuff and then have him shift. I wonder how I would feel if suddenly Shawn decided that he wanted to be a raw-foods vegan, or that he never wanted to get married or live with someone again, or that he hated dogs. I don’t know if we would survive any of that, and I do know that it would feel like he had sold me a bill of goods. And we are only a few months into our love. I really can’t imagine how it would have felt to have such seismic shifts after already making things legal, and I feel really disloyal to Lynne for letting that go unaddressed with Marcy for so long.
“Marcy, it isn’t that simple, not on either end. Shawn went through some stuff that changed his mind on a lot of fundamental big issues, and that really pulled the rug out from under Lynne. I love Shawn, and I believe he is in a much different, more settled place now than he was when they were together, that he isn’t the same guy who did those things to her. But I also have to recognize that he is a person with faults, like all of us, and the end of their marriage was not one-sided. I believe that he handled a lot of things very badly in that relationship, that they both did, and all I can do is hope that the person I believe him to be today is in part because he learned hard lessons from that relationship ending the way it did. But it doesn’t make it okay, his part of things. And it doesn’t make it all Lynne’s fault either.”
“Okay, maybe, but she has to see how happy you are. That should count for something.”
“I think it does. She is trying, Marce, I know she is, and when she falters I have to give her space to do that. I appreciate your protectiveness. Your points are duly noted.”
But her points didn’t really sink in until I was lying in bed, thinking about today and how Shawn and I had the exact same idea about how to celebrate Valentine’s Day. How I feel like I’m the best version of myself when we’re together and how happy he makes me. He’s been a champ about letting the whole Lynne thing lie, hasn’t said anything except that he was glad she and I had cleared the air and that he hoped it would all be okay with some time. And he hasn’t made one negative reference about her since. I haven’t told him about the little comments and snipes from Lynne, no point in poking the bear. I do wish he were a bit more forthcoming about the whole marriage thing, especially now that we know the connection. Four years is not such a long time, and I know that people can change a lot, but Lynne’s warnings didn’t fall on completely deaf ears. She said he was perfect, perfect for their six months of dating before they got married, perfect for the first six months of the marriage. And then it all went sideways really fast. A year of great and then a year of slow slide to over. He’s never really acknowledged his part in it, never owned any of the end. That doesn’t exactly sit easy with me.